Hedge Funds - no funnies, just weirdness
Ended up working for a hedge fund for a bit last year. The work was (initially) interesting, if morally dubious, but the perks were of the croissant-munching-on-a-balcony-type so I stayed much longer than I should have.

3 months in we ran out of work. I'd ask my boss but he had nothing to do either. No matter who we approached in the monolithic management structure there was nothing doing. At all. Nothing. Worse than that - nobody even seemed to care. It was clear our project was being axed, but nobody would confirm, nor deny. So we waited.

For 3 months we came in at 8am, had our free breakfast in the canteen, pissed about on the internet (the only bit of "work" I produced in that time was a proxy to bypass the restrictions on internet browsing), ate my free lunch in the canteen, went to the pub, went home. Wash, rinse, repeat.

This sounds idyllic but it was soul-destroying, so much so that we ended up taking it in turns to have days off. Not that anybody cared. I put on a stone, and would come into work stoned and reeking of booze from the day before.

Summer rolled by, my booze consumption was through the roof. We'd get indian takeouts delivered to the desk as an afternoon pick me up. I started coming in shorts rather than a suit. None of the faceless coke-snorting greased hair barrow boys in the massive open plan office seemed to even notice or care. Could it be that nobody even knew we existed?

6 months in we finally get an email. Apparently, our department has been marked as being "non-profitable". No shit sherlock. We're being made redundant.

I was relieved beyond words at this - I'd got myself into one of the weirdest ruts imaginable.

HR provided the parting gesture that embodied their management style: I wasn't entitled to any redundancy pay so I had two choices - leave now and lose the coming months pay, or "work" my notice for the next 4 weeks. I tried to reason "I have no work!" I implored, "you may as well let me go now and pay me".

Nothing doing.

I sat there on my own reading newspapers and ordering take away for the next 4 weeks.
( rofl harris, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 16:35, 3 replies)

I know where you're coming from there
I was on the sick for 6 months; went back to the office and found that my office system profile was deleted (as they assumed that I was never to return). I come back in and was asked to join a different department, which was fairly similar to what I was doing previously but I needed retraining. I was told this was possible the following week as there was a session starting then.

It was only for a week, but I had to turn up in work and sit quietly for 8 hours while doing absolutely nothing. I couldn't even sign into a PC as my profile did not exist anymore. I can't imagine how you got through the sheer boredom of it.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 16:41, closed)

booze
Mostly booze.

A similar thing happened to my girlfriend round about the same time - a 4 week "training" period, with no training. So she'd just sit there and read a book.
( rofl harris, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 16:43, closed)

Do you have pen and some paper?
Draw. Sounds like a dream.
(waxdart hello., Fri 11 Jun 2010, 16:53, closed)

I draw like a small child
I'm still unable to colour in without going over the lines.
( rofl harris, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 16:56, closed)

"the perks were of the croissant-munching-on-a-balcony-type"
What a lovely turn of phrase. And all but useless in teh real world. :)
( mrlogic is copying your beard, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 18:51, closed)

I Can Empathise
I worked for a small IT consultancy and spent 6 weeks sitting on "the bench", i.e. being between billable clients, with 5 other colleagues.

We were expected to attend the office in central London from 9-5 and help out. This was one of those situations of not working too fast, otherwise we'll have to find something else for you to do.

The frustration was that I had a new house that needed decorating - management wouldn't agree to our being available until 10 am, we had to be present in case of going to see a client. Complete waste of time.

Eventually a new client came up, but it was a demoralising period.
(Scooby Don't, Sun 13 Jun 2010, 12:49, closed)