I think it’s time for a good, old fashioned rant
I’m sat here at my desk reading the lunchtime news. It’s full of such delightful headlines as “Police report suggest residents would pay extra for additional policing” and “Energy bills to increase by at least 33% by 2020”, taxes are set to rise and the pound has plunged, meaning those lovely Shimano cranks I wanted to buy are now £150 dearer than they were six months ago. I’m also peeved that 50,000 eighteen year olds aren’t going to university this year because there aren’t any places for them.

What does this have to do with banks, I hear you all ask in exasperation?

The belming tit in charge of the country has given Britain’s banks a comedy sum of money to help them out because they’re all a tad strapped for cash. Ordinarily, it wouldn’t be news but the amount of money involved could easily fund Britain’s own Apollo project, solve the looming energy crisis (with £200bn to spare) or maybe even be used to pay for everyone’s retirement. Of course, the money comes from you and I, which means that, technically I am £2,500 pounds in debt to my grandchildren (subject to inflationary adjustment of course) because a man who does Prime Minister impressions has loaned against my future taxes to my bank (which in return I now own a small share of) to help it through its cashflow issues.

Are you all still with me? I hope so. Here’s how it all started.

“We’ve cured boom and bust” belmed someone who ought to know better, indeed the people of Britain would continue to borrow more to fund more expensive homes, even though the physical bricks and mortar hadn’t changed one iota. No big deal though, because we were guaranteed a future of low interest rates so we wouldn’t get our wallets fisted by 15% interest charges like we did in 1992. Ahem. The banks assured the Chancellor of this fact, who himself carried on double counting and creating a whole new way of measuring our financial health that simply ignores the bad news (2.5% inflation? Come on…).

The reason why my bank was suddenly and inexplicably skint was because for the last sixteen years its loaned vast sums of money out to people who have very little realistic hope of paying it back. Real estate has been used for collateral which has in turn hyped a marketplace into raising the value of a house against which a loan is taken out, making people borrow even more so that they can own their own home, which in turn requires a larger mortgage to fund. All good until the market goes Stuka-like and the value of the loan collateral halves overnight. It’s not a new phenomena, it’s been observed occurring at ten yearly intervals since 1929 but apparently its news to my bank.

Now, back to the belming tit running the country; writing a cheque out for £500 billion odd has cleaned him (and ergo, me) out a bit, quite a boast when you consider he’s spunked £50,000 per household in Britain since 1997. Fuck knows what on, I’d have spent about six grand on a small car, bought a nice plasma TV and a PS3 and probably left it at that. However, it seems that it’s all gone on moats, ducks, QUANGOs, NHS Efficiency Consultants and the brand new official Jag which nearly knocked me off my bike at Whitehall last week.

As a result, my “Green Taxes” are going to fund braying bankers, not wind turbines, which I’m going to now have to help fund myself. Again. Moreover, my taxes won’t be helping to send 50,000 kids to university, or provide new drugs on the NHS, instead it’s bailing out my bank and a negligent government. It even seems we can’t guarantee a police force which can do it’s job.

So there you have it, because my bank thought it was on a winner and made a sizeable donation to the election fund in return for a relaxing of the financial regulations, together with a moronic spend-thrifty Prime Minister, nee Chancellor who was apparently sleeping on the job, I’m now £2,500 indebted to my future self and having to pay for more stuff the government thinks I should have, but neither of us can't now afford.

I don’t think the word “cunts” even begins to cover it.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 16 Jul 2009, 16:43, 16 replies)

CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP !!!
You Sir are most excellent when in rant mode. Couldn't agree more too. Click!
( SpankyHanky, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 16:47, closed)

Cap is Doffed
Beautifully put there fella... I would struggle to nod anymore vigorously
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 16:55, closed)

I only feel sick,
because it's all true.
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:00, closed)

You forgot something
you DON'T own a small share of the bank. The GOVERNMENT owns a large share of the bank. You have no say in it- indeed, there has been no democratic process behind... well, anything that Labour have done. You weren't even consulted.
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:21, closed)

Correct
I did have my tongue firmly in my cheek when I typed it.

The government is about as trustworthy as a third hand, recycled rubber contraceptive which spent it's shelf life on a bed of nails.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:24, closed)

I wouldn' t worry
about the kids not going to uni. It's not as if there's any jobs for graduates when they leave.

*grumblegrumblerecessiongrumblegrumble*
(Kendal, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 23:54, closed)

b3ta's very own Victor Meldrew
tells it like it is again. Of course you get a *click*, misery guts :)
( chart cat has an itch, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 5:18, closed)

Oh, oh!
Do lolmerica next! Use that cutting tongue on ausfailia's farcical parliment, spray that slicing set of well placed thought onto New Zealand's patronising set of three faced asshats.

Rant away, spread some truth.

Since whenever people in a position of power do it they get shouted down... (ref Dame Sian Elias's recent speech).
(Scritty Bakerman., Fri 17 Jul 2009, 7:46, closed)

Very
well said!

Mind you, it happened on a smaller scale with Lloyds Names in the late 80's early 90's when we bailed them out with our taxes.

Most of which were Tory MP's, so it doesn't matter which shower of cnuts are in power - they will all fleece us for their own gain.

Still, can't have a dirty moat now can we?
(dchurch bah, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 8:17, closed)

Yep, I remember that...
1991 Lloyds is skint and the shareholders (some of whom are well to do Tory MPs) owe the organisation money.

1991/2 Car insurance renewals up 250% because of "car crime".

Twats
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 17 Jul 2009, 13:57, closed)

PJM for Question Time!

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 12:56, closed)

seconded!

( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Sat 18 Jul 2009, 1:19, closed)

thirded!

( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Sat 18 Jul 2009, 1:19, closed)

"Please please please Gordon......
........... we need your sterling skills to get the economy back on its feet. Britain implores you to come to its financial aid. Wouldn't you like to make a real difference to the economical strife?????"

"Wooden eye?"
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Sat 18 Jul 2009, 1:25, closed)

Can I Get an Amen?!
 
( thyrf as in turf, but not, Sat 18 Jul 2009, 12:11, closed)

hear hear
Bastards
( catness, Sat 18 Jul 2009, 19:05, closed)