Inappropriate footwear
At the tender age of 17, we decided one night that we would visit a new pub. A "high class" pub on Slough High Street by the name of the Litten Tree. As we try to enter one of our party is ID'ed, but manages to get in anyway via the medium of slipping one of the bouncers a tenner. Thus, their attention turns to me.

"You can't come in wearing them"
"Huh?"
"No trainers. Come back when you've got some shoes. Hur hur hur."

Their wit astounds me. Still, I'm not one to back down from a challenge, and seeing as my friends are refusing to do their drinking elsewhere, I swiftly hatch a cunning plan. A friend already in the pub sneaks out, concealed about his person the shoes of another mate. A quick change of footwear and he's back inside with my trainers hidden under the table. Back to the bouncers I go.

"I told you, you're not getting in like that."
*Gestures proudly at the four-sizes-too-big monstrosities on my feet*
"Fine, in you go then." *glower*

Several pints later all footwear is back with its rightful owner and the evening is going swimmingly. I pop down to the gents to use the facilities and am just zipping up and preparing to exit the cubicle when, to my horror, the door is kicked in and the two bouncers from the front door grab me, one to an arm. Heaping abuse on my poor head and refusing to entertain my request to wash my hands, I am turned horizontal and used as a battering ram on the doors, finishing up bruised in the street as a bouncer stands over me shouting "That's the last time you make fools of us, you little fuck. You're barred!"

So I went and got tanked elsewhere, and copped off with a lovely 24-year-old. On a bench just outside the Litten Tree, in full view of the bouncers. Which was nice.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 1 Sep 2006, 13:12, Reply)