Barred from a few places
Barred from one of my locals for fighting with bouncers. Was not my fault! He started it! lol

Barred from another local for breaking a window. (it was an accident though, pissed, fell, smashed)

Barred from Portsmouth. Apparently i was driving on the wrong side of the road and caught on cctv. I was escorted to the motorway and requested never to come back. Went there the other week shopping, because im daring like that! lol
(Stuster is a dirty little rat bag, Thu 31 Aug 2006, 13:19, Reply)

Kirkstall Brewery
The place dreams were made!

I got barred from there as well, apparently sitting on a chair too hard and it falling apart (i am only 12 stone, bloody wank chairs) taking a table down with me and cracking my head on the banister behind is being "drunk and disorderly".

Was allowed back in the week after at a charity fundraising event. I pleeded with the manager to re-admit me, if I raised 500 quid for the charity, else my ban stood for the remaining 2 weeks.

I bullied everyone in sight into giving me money, imposed a "girls drink tax" on any bloke drinking WKD/wine/smirnoff ice/etc. charged people 2 quid for the sumo wrestling (it was meant to be free), extra quid for winners of games of pool, and a too long skirt/wearing trouser on girls tax. plus the standard "give me money, its for charity, u selfish cnut, not everyone can afford to go to uni!" (i think it was for some earthquake appeal or something, not that the cash was going to help them get to uni, just rebuild their homes.)

made 543 quid and got pissed for free.

went away with 12 bottles of budweiser as a thank you from the manager.

Became a legend.
(stevio is on the prowl for a girlfriend!, Thu 31 Aug 2006, 13:17, Reply)

my hat was incarcerated
My fedora hat got barred from Chicogo Rock Cafe after a mate of mine kneed a bouncer in the bollocks while wearing it. They now ask people to take their hats off.
(peech, Thu 31 Aug 2006, 13:14, Reply)

Old Bell
Got kicked out and told not to come back from a pub in Harrogate for being very wasted with a bunch of mates and singing "Gold". Didnt last long becasue the person who kicked us out left not soon after. hurrah!

Stevio - I also went to Leeds Met Uni, and i remember Kirkstall breweries, great parties!
(Fishbone-didi, Thu 31 Aug 2006, 13:10, Reply)

Only barred once... 3 days ago...
In a Wetherspoons in Derry with the crew, and keeping in touch with this sailor-namesake, got exceedingly pissed.

Though there were constant complaints from various customers, the barring peaked thusly; My friend swiped several packets of salt and poured candle wax over the table, shredded them together and proceeded to do lines with the unholy mixture.

Best bit was the look on the waitresses face as my friend pulled his head from the table, goggle-eyed to the ceiling screeching 'UUUCCCH!! SHIT!! THATS THE LAST TIME I DO THAT!!'
(The_Inedible_Hulk Whats ET short for? Wee legs..., Thu 31 Aug 2006, 12:54, Reply)

Manchester University
Student Union. Kicked out and barred for taking the piss out of one of the bouncers.

This bouncer was enourmously fat so me and a bunch of mates were standing in the bar drinking and everytime he did his rounds we'd watch for him. Everytime he took a step we'd do a little jump, exactly in time to his steps. Barmaid was wetting herslef laughing but bouncer didn't see it as funny.

So it was out on my arse - again.....
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 31 Aug 2006, 12:50, Reply)

Once helped myself to a beer at the local Irish pub
Caught red handed by bartender. Kicked out by bartender. Beaten up by bartender. Kicked into pond by bartender.

Planned to throw bomb through window sometime but eventually forgot.
(spinoza, Thu 31 Aug 2006, 12:44, Reply)

Supermarket
I was barred from a supermarket in Croydon once.

I hate food shopping so I came up with a nifty plan to avoid it. I called it "Zen Shopping".

I'd go into a supermarket and lurk in the aisles. Eventually someone would abandon their trolley while they went running off to get some last-minute item they'd forgotten and I'd pounce on their trolley and wheel it to a checkout and pay for it. A weeks shopping done in a few minutes.

Sadly though I eventually got caught by an eagle-eyed manager and was banned for life. Apparently they'd had quite a few complaints from irate shoppers and had been watching for me.

Curses!
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 31 Aug 2006, 12:44, Reply)

banned from the shitty yates wine lodge i worked in
for offering two of the barmaids a threesome after a tequila fueled afternoon on brighton beach.

they still expected me to come into work though, the cunts.
(unintendo rubbed another mans rhubarb, Thu 31 Aug 2006, 12:41, Reply)

Only attempt when on holiday
One of my best mates and I had recently returned from a girlie holiday in Tenerife. Drinking games in bars had been played a plenty and being pissed up in my local I decided to showcase my newly learned talent.

Drinking a pint of beer with no hands.

For those of you who have never attempted this, it involves sitting/laying on a table and suctioning the pint glass around your mouth before tipping your head back and letting the foamy goodness tip down your throat.

Cue me almost choking to death flailing about sending pints, bottles of wine and glasses on a nice trip through the air. Bar manager looks up to see me sitting on the pub table drenched in my own pint looking like a wet t-shirt contestant with everyone elses drinks in a pile on his normally quite clean floor.

Pretending I had had an Epileptic fit didn't quite cut it.
(la la la la, Thu 31 Aug 2006, 12:38, Reply)

I haven't been bared
from anywhere

However someone i know told the story about how he has a lifetime ban from a pub for going in as part of a group to hear 'DUM DUM DUM' from the stereo drowning out everything else including conversation. Somone then asked the barman to turn it down and got the reply 'Can't the Brewery's set it'.

Some drunk then thought it'd be funny to say 'I'll turn it down for you!' and put his feet through all the speakers, cue the whole group getting thrown out.

And i know someone that picked a fight with a Landlord but he wasn't barred - he just wisely stayed away.
(The lord Boo., Thu 31 Aug 2006, 12:38, Reply)

I'm not
barred from anywhere. But I work in a shop and my boss is insane. Kids have been barred for lending money to other kids and "looking at her funny."

Think the best one though was the time they waited for her in one of those chavved-up Nova's and chased her with taunts for about a mile. Yes, they got barred for that too.
(Lupetherabbit Went straight into smirk mode on, Thu 31 Aug 2006, 12:37, Reply)

isle of man
when my dad was 18 about 500 years ago (or the 60's as he likes to call it) he and 3 mates went for a drunken womanising holiday in the isle of man. they got up to *Something*. something so bad that he won't admit to it nearly 50 years later.

but i do know that they were offered the choice of the birch or a lifetime ban and chose the ban... scared shitless of their mothers, they spent the rest of the week in blackpool!

what in the name of arse can they have done?!?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 31 Aug 2006, 12:37, Reply)

Barred from A Cafe
For altering the menu.

As I remember I added:

Monkeys Miscarriage
Streptococci On A Stick
Botulism In A Bun
Salmonella Sandwiches
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 31 Aug 2006, 12:35, Reply)

Joint Account
I've only ever been barred from a pub once, such is the gentlemanly mannar in which I conduct myself when i'm boozing. In fact, this story has little do do with booze.

Anybody familiar with Lancaster will know the student haven 'The Merchants' - nice enough pub with three long tunnels comprising the main sections of the pub.

The third tunnel, rumour had it, was a safe zone for those who liked a joint with their beer - this was us, and we'd smelled cannabis being smoked in the pub on previous occasions so thusly emboldened we sparked up a fatty boombatty in tunnel three and got nicely stoned with our Guinness.

Trouble was, after two or three of these, we were quite boxed, and the joint I was smoking had long since gone out as I blathered on about some nonsense or other. It was my round and I headed off to the bar with aforementioned number in my hand. Whilst waiting for the black stuf to settle, I noticed the extinguished bifta and reflex-lit it, as i'd done with a thousand roll-ups.

The bar area quickly became a fug of pungent gold seal smoke and it was at this very point two stern looking Police Constables strolled into the establishment - we were off in an instant, finely attuned to the presence of el Plod and fearful of their new powers of the Criminal Justice Act.

A few days later we attempted to slip back into the pub but were informed by the staff that we, being the stupid c*nts who stank the place out with dope and led to a whole bunch of innocent students being searched, were barred for the foreseeable. :-D
(Jay Tea, Thu 31 Aug 2006, 12:33, Reply)

My brother
...has a lifetime ban from P&O Ferries after a drunken fire extinguisher fight on the way back from Cherbourg in the 80s, when he was about 14.
Topical yes, funny, no. Sorry about that.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 31 Aug 2006, 12:31, Reply)

Barred for Leeds University Union
Hmmm, relate back to story about the otley run .

One of the pubs is leeds uni union. I was banned from there for standing in between the bar and the toilets, (a kind of corridor) where you are not allowed to have any alcohol. So its ok to have a beer in the bar, and to have a beer in the bog with you, but not inbetween. (strange).

Anyway, dressed as batman, I told the lovely bouncer that I would return to the bar, he took exception to the door I wished to go through (there were two) and decided I had had enough (pint number 10 and I was doing ok).

There I am outside, where my mate having seen the commotion has followed me up, called the bouncer a cnut, and been thrown out himself.

Picture 6'3 batman and 5'8 robin hood calling the bouncers a bunch of cnuts from just outside their juristiction. The bouncer then threatened to "see us round uni and give us a pounding" (bloody student bouncers, think they are great)

Me and my mate told him we did astrophysics and would certainly be up for a fight when we ran into him around campus.

we both go to leeds met uni and have no chance of seeing the fucking twat ever again.

Still, was fun to wind him up hovering our legs into the uni's property.

ha ha ha ha!!!

here's a pic from earlier in the night comments greatfully accepted.

Apologies for it all.
(stevio is on the prowl for a girlfriend!, Thu 31 Aug 2006, 12:31, Reply)

Barred from B3ta
I was once barred, or at least suspended, from B3ta as some people had complained that some of my tales were "disrespectful to women".

B3ta? Barred for being disrespectful? I mean, does the Ginger Fuerer and the rest of the mods ever read B3ta?

Still, they let me back when I promised to play nicely with the other children.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 31 Aug 2006, 12:25, Reply)

Sainsbury's in Winton, Bournemouth
We used to go in there and play Risk with the frozen food (invade next compartment, 1kg petits pois beats 20 Linda McCartney sausages, etc.) - until the manager caught us at it. No more Risk for us.
( Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Thu 31 Aug 2006, 12:21, Reply)

Student Union Bar
Two reasons:

(1) Going drinking with a garter snake and watching it try to make off with a friend's JD
(2) Singing louder than the jukebox.
( The Blue Aardvark Unavoidably detained by reality, Thu 31 Aug 2006, 12:18, Reply)

K'Ford 10
In our town and in my youth myself and friends would participate in what's know as a K'Ford 10 (stolen from the Smithdown 10 done by many students in Liverpool).
THe last unfortunate pub had the brunt of the drunkeness and on one occasion we all decided to leave the pub which full pints and make our way home.
Cue landlord running after us taking glass and shouting 'your barred'.

For some unknown reason I now live 10 yards from this pub.

Crap story I know, but a story nonetheless.
(Opanoid Look sweats dripping off them, Thu 31 Aug 2006, 12:18, Reply)

Barred...
I was once barred from my local and I wasn't even there!!

I was in the middle of a messy breakup and the girl in question was now seeing one of the locals. One night she was in my local and the landlords daughter had a go at her for being a slag and a fight kicked off. Landlord barred slag, her boyfriend and me.

A couple of years later I ended up buying the pub. Try barring me now you bastard!

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 31 Aug 2006, 12:18, Reply)

I got banned for life...
... from playing the Ground Zero Airsoft game in the New Forest. I effectively called their web guy an arsehole because he'd been cybersquatting.

Dull... sorry.
( Beastie is doing science with his arse, Thu 31 Aug 2006, 12:17, Reply)

New Zealand
After being in New Zealand for about a fortnight, the first time me and my mate Gordon got really leathered was in Queenstown on the south island there. Brilliant place, with bars so closely packed you literally do fall out of one and into another.

Anyway, we ended up in a happy hour in the Red Rock Bar that lasted about 3 hours (time is weird there), so we got cained off cheap cheap beer. Now the mistake we made then was to stagger back to the hostel about 8pm and drink the box of wine we had. Then we went out again, ate 4 burgers, and staggered into another bar.

This is where it gets hazy, and I can't actually remember the circumstances of it, but I have a very specific memory, throughout the cloud of drink of several angry looking people at a bar, then the barmaid pointing at the door and shouting "Get out!". I'm sure she must have had a good reason at the time, just wish we could remember what we did!

To be honest don't even remember what bar it was! So I am banned from at least one bar in the southern hemisphere. Just not sure which.
( Satur9 The shoes!, Thu 31 Aug 2006, 12:14, Reply)

The White Horse (Great Horton Rd Bradford)
After a mate of mine decided to clear the table by chucking all the empty glasses at the wall. Don't ask me why I haven't got a clew we were both totaly pissed up anyway.
( Big Ian has stopped changing his sig, Thu 31 Aug 2006, 12:11, Reply)

Stamp Collectors Shop
A friend of mine found a really old stamp on a letter his granny sent him, after first researching it on the net he took it to the local stamp collectors shop expecting to cash it in for top dollar.

Instead he got barred for life for arguing over its worth with the shop keeper.

Only person I know to have been barred from a stamp collectors shop.
(Minty Hit, Thu 31 Aug 2006, 12:08, Reply)

Me & a mate

were at the Tunnel club in Caaardiff, very stoned, very bored and very nawty.

Out of sight from the main bar was another smaller bar which was closed as it was mid-week. The shutter looked a bit flimsy so we gave it a tug & it came completely off the bar.

I don't know how we thought we'd get away with it but we helped ourselves to several pints of lovely free beer and a few shots of Smirnoff before being discovered, kicked out & banned.

Yeah, like we cared, plenty of other clubs, blah blah blah.

Except come the following week & another mate's birthday being held at Tunnels. Me & trouble had the brilliant idea of wearing hats so they wouldn't recognise us - genius!

Course, the doorman wouldn't let us in so I had another brainwave:
"Look, this has happened before. There's 2 lads out & about who look a bit like me & him & it's them who've been causing trouble. We're getting a bit pissed off with it frankly".

But it worked! Not only were we allowed in, but the bouncer was most apologetic, assuring us it wouldn't happen again. God, I could lie for my country, but getting out of his earshot without cracking up wasn't easy.

They'd fixed the shutter on that bar though :¬(
( Geoff the Clownfish You know Myra, some people might think you're cute, Thu 31 Aug 2006, 12:07, Reply)

I got banned from a nightclub once
because someone tried to stab me. Work that one out.

Still, I pissed on thier beer service hatch as revenge. I wondered how they refilled the beer.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Thu 31 Aug 2006, 12:06, Reply)

Barred from A Subcontient
A mate of mine, Bob was once found with a small amount of dope in Denmark. He was deported by ferry and is now barred from Scandinavia.

Beat that....

Cheers

Edit: I think I'll be posting a few on this subject. It would probably be easier to find somewhere where I *haven't* been barred from!
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 31 Aug 2006, 12:04, Reply)