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This is a question Wanking Disasters Part II

Despite the warnings contained in our previous question on The Act of Onan, you all still appear to be masturbating like monkeys in a zoo. Tell us your stories of jerking the gherkin and double-clicking the mouse.

Suggested by Mrs Entity and DaveExclamationMark, voted for by YOU

(, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 12:22)
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Filthy spunky time
The date is 2005 and I was in my final year of Uni. It was a warm autumn day in Bristol and i was alone in my room with sun light pouring through my open window. All was good in the world, and as a little personal treat, I decided to partake in a little bit of personal hand love.

Instead of a leisurely bed wank, instead I’d opt for the more professional desk wank, complete with swivel chair and pc. The event itself was none too remarkable; I coaxed one out to the lovely Brianna Banks, and given that it was a treat I decided to finish with a standing ovation, spurting my silky man fat onto the hard wooden floor under the desk. It felt good, and why wouldn't it?

About 30 seconds later there was knock at my bedroom door from one of my housemates and he immediately burst in. I had re assumed the sitting position at this point, and feeling relief that I hadn't been caught red handed and that there was no pron left on the computer screen, I instead focused on trying to cover the dying erection in my trousers, while at the same time trying to look nonchalant. I also partook in the obligatory eager and yet stilted conversation one does when trying to hide the fact that mere seconds ago i had been having an orgy of self love with nothing more that a fist and my trouser lizard.

"Mind if I grab a couple of the songs we downloaded last night?" he said while at the same time brandishing a USB stick.

Before i could properly respond he was already down on his knees, by the side of me. This in itself was unnerving; given that he was now eye level with the aforementioned, diminished, but never the less still dangerous trouser lizard. Worse still was that there were no USB sockets on the front of the pc free, and before I could protest he said:

"I’ll just stick this in one of the others round the back"

I tried to say something but nothing came out. That's when it happend, with his little face looking back at me waiting for my reply, he leant further forward under the desk, put his hand down to steady himself and immediately froze. He'd twigged. We were locked in the death stare for no more than 5 seconds but in those 5 seconds a lot was processed by both of us. He was hoping what he'd just put his hand in, wasn't what he thought it was, but it was. Each of use continued to stare deep into the others soul's. His soul crying out and trying to comprehend how this could have happened, me trying to think of a plausible excuse for my filthy act of floor spunkage.

Amazingly, he broke the silence first, the pained look on his face disappeared and he continued on his mission, inserting the USB and copying the music from my desktop, all the while acting as if nothing had happened. I guess it was a knee jerk reaction to the hideousness of knowing my potential babies were currently trying to swim into the pours of his hand. He was trying to pretend it hadn't happened while it was still happening!

He finished, got up and left, leaving us both to digest/vomit over what had just happened.

It was disgusting, an unnatural moment shared by two close friends, and despite this, i swear, just as he left the room, i saw him bring his glistening palm to his hand and take a sniff. filty cunt.

Length? a bit too much in this case.
(, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 17:17, 8 replies)
Marvellous! Marvellous! Encore!

Clickety clickety click!
(, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 17:25, closed)
Thank you sir!
Before the 'event' he'd been a bit of a borrower... Surprisingly, after this he never touched anything in my room again... I guess it's one way of marking your territory. I mean it’s pretty much the same as using one of those ultra violet pens, I think both show up under a black light in the same way.

It might take a while to perfect writing my name in ejaculate though.
(, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 17:43, closed)
You've brought an unexpected beauty
to a fucking minging story.
(, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 18:41, closed)

That's horrible. Well played.
(, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 19:09, closed)
I have clicked this...
...but I really didn't want to.
(, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 19:20, closed)
even if this isn't true.
you get a click for bringing me to tears with laughter.
(, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 23:44, closed)
Even though
that was an uncomfortable, horrible read. I still felt the need to log in and click.

(, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 1:09, closed)
Nice story.
But did it take the woodstain off the floor? :P
(, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 15:15, closed)

Pure lolz!

(, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 12:32, closed)

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