Chuck
.
I worked for a large American/Canadian telecomms company and one of my cow-orkers was a Redneck-Hilbillly called Chuck. He was, ostensibly, my team-leader but I normally ignore him or told him to fuck-off. Actually, on one occasion I physically went for him only to have him run away screaming like a girl.

Luckily my boss regarded Chuck as a useless waste of space and was just biding his time until he could get rid of the useless mouth-breather.

I had a few run-ins with Chuck.

One day I wandered into work at 11am and headed straight for the coffee station Chuck came barrelling across the room.

"Legless!! What time do you call this" he shouted.

"11 o'clock you retard. Can't you even tell the time now?" I growled...

"And what's your excuse?" Chuck spluttered

"My *excuse* is that some cunt who was on-call last night wouldn't answer his pager. So ops paged me at 4am. And, seeing that the same cunt who was on call switched his mobile off, I had to come in and fix a fucking mail-server." I growled stepping menacingly towards him, red-hot cup of coffee in my hand..

"My..my..my batteries must have packed in" says Chuck backing away from me

"Legless!" barked the boss. "Down.Sit.Stay. - Chuck? - My office, now!"

Bloody boss had ears like a bat.

So Chuck went into the office for yet another bollocking and I slumped into my seat. It was then that I typed out an e-mail and sent it too my team, sans Chuck.

Now this is an old joke that I adapted for the situation but I swear to God this happened....

I Had A Dream.....

I had a dream last night that Bob, the company president, came to see us all in the social club and give us all our Red-Indian names in honour of the good work we were doing.

First up was Terry.

"Terry!" boomed Bob. "I shall call you Owl for you are wise and all seeing and don't mind working while lesser men sleep..."

"Bob! Bob!" Squeaked Chuck "What's my Indian name"

"Soon Chuck, soon" murmured Bob

"Adam!" quoth Bob " You shall now be Eagle for you are strong and far-seeing"

"Bob! Bob!" Squeaked Chuck "What's my Indian name"

"Soon Chuck, soon...."says Bob

"Legless!" booms Bob "I shall call you Swallow for you are swift and sure"

"Bob! Bob!" Squeaked Chuck "What's my Indian name" - now jumping up and down like a wee girl

"Chuck! says Bob turning to him. "I shall call you Thrush!"

"Oooh" says Chuck excitedly "Why am I called Thrush?"

"Because you're an irritating cunt" says Bob kindly....

***************

And I saved the e-mail and sent it. About a week later, I got the same e-mail back in my in-tray, forwarded on from someone in the Asia-Pac office - with a list of headers showing that this mail had done the rounds of the entire company - and beyond.

From then on, the whole company referred to Chuck as Thrush. And he never knew why.

Until now....

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 9:18, 5 replies)

Entertaining
as ever Legless, have a click.
( Trollman, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 10:46, closed)

Legless,
As always my friend, you win the internet.

Have a cookie.
(LordMatthius http://www.justgiving.com/marathon-matt2009, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 11:17, closed)

Legless...
...have a click for being the true first post of this QOTW!
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Fri 25 Jan 2008, 5:50, closed)

I really hope
that you mean that he's on here and will read it

and will finally know the shame that is Thrush
(misskitty reeks of sex and turpentine; laudanum afternoons, Sat 26 Jan 2008, 5:13, closed)

Swallow?
Entertaining as ever - I'm just surprised no one took the opportunity to take you to task with a nickname like Swallow....

Couldn't you have chosen Albatross or something instead?

:)
(Spreddum O Grrrr. That's my vicious circle, that is., Wed 30 Jan 2008, 4:16, closed)