Reuben pt.2
In his last remaining days (at our company, not Earth), Reuben actually began to sense his impending doom. He was the only one who didnt actually know for sure. We watched him with pity and sadness, mainly because he was so nice and stupid and we didnt really need him, but also because we were going to lose so many potential anecdotes with him gone.

Theres another sales meeting going on our office, same sales guy. Its the usual pitch for service renewal and we're on a real service delivery push (hence the hiring of Reuben ironically) but Salesman learnt is lesson and is keeping Reuben out of the way for this one.

Reubens office overlooked the entrance to the building, as did half the office really but reuben had his desk perpendicular to the window, he could look out easily enough and being on the first floor he could see everyone who arrived and left the building. That day he spotted the unmistakeable 'Taylors Corporate Catering & Functions' van arriving. Two of their staff are unloading what is definitely a 'working lunch'.

You know when a cat spots something small and moving, he's goes a bit like that. Instantly frozen yet alert, eyes scouring the scene and flicking back and forth, checking for predators etc. He knows something is most definitely on.

Reuben spends the next hour or so scouring the building looking for the delivery point. He finally spots it and watches helplessly as the food is delivered into the big meeting room. He comes back to our office and makes enquiries as to whats going on in there, we check the office diary and tell him. For Reuben, all the pieces of the puzzle are together.

He spends the next hour or so pacing the corridor, glancing in to the meeting room every 3 seconds and watches painfully as they finally start eating, standing around in slightly awkward groups and laughing and talking about golf handicaps until they finally finish and sit back down. Reuben now looks like a small boy really needing a wee.

With one hand he tucks the front of his shirt in, the other hand through his hair, and he marches in. Sales Man instantly blanches, and goes through about dozen differing emotions in a heartbeat, and thinks quickly. "Gentleman, may I introduce Reuben, our new SDM! I know he's busy so we wont take much of his time but I asked him to pop in and introduce himself". Reuben isnt really listening but joins Sales Man at the front of the room, his eyes not having met anyones yet. Everyone is waiting on him, Sales Man is quietly petrified.

"Erm yeah hi" Reuben starts, "can I have the rest of your sandwiches?"


-Ok in typing i realise its not as good as the first one probably. It still makes me laugh and no one believes he could have done this twice, but he really did, and no doubt has done many times before and since. But really its a love story. Its a love story between an inept Service Delivery Manager and his food. Its a beautiful thing and who are we to say otherwise. Love Reuben. For Reuben is all of us. He dares where we cautiously avoid. He knows nothing of our ways.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Fri 25 Jan 2008, 13:09, 5 replies)

If anybody on B3ta finds Reuben ...
can they give him a job please?
(Big D, Fri 25 Jan 2008, 13:34, closed)

I like Reuben!

( Bob Todd whee, Fri 25 Jan 2008, 13:51, closed)

The man is a genius.
That is all.
(Bearded Whumpus In chav Britain, schoolgirl offers sweets to YOU!, Fri 25 Jan 2008, 14:05, closed)

theres
a sitcom in there somewhere, surely.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Fri 25 Jan 2008, 14:44, closed)

Can you
Please write a series of childrens' books about this man, I'd buy them.
(Hagis, Sat 26 Jan 2008, 22:05, closed)