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This is a question Bastard Colleagues

You've all known one. The brown-nosing fucker, the 'comedian', the drunk, the gossip and of course the weird one with no mates who goes bell ringing, looks like Mr Majika and sports a monk's haircut (and is a woman).

Tell us about yours...

Thanks to Deskbound for the idea

(, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 9:09)
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Meeting scheduled
A re-post from an old QOTW but seems to fit the bill for this one as well

Last place I worked at, one of the blokes there was arrested and later sentenced for having child porn on his home computer. The fact that in between his arrest and the court appearance he was in work every day sitting about 3 desks away from me turned my stomach (especially as I had photos of my kids on my desk at the time).

Not many people in the office knew about it, his boss obviously knew but didn't want to tell anyone as it may jeopardise business with clients. I knew about it as I was the one working in IT at the time who CID interviewed to ask me to check the servers and his folders for any indecent images or passwords to get on to websites.

I was threatened by this guy's boss that if I breathed a word of it to anyone, I would be sacked.

Court case arrives and the peado is sent down for 6 months, he thought that he would get a suspended sentence and be back in work the next day.

Does the truth then come out? No. Said boss issues an email saying that the guy was off due to personal circumstances and may return to work in the future. Threat of sack to me still stands if I say anything.

I realise that saying anything, doesn't extend to having a newspaper open on my desk with the full story (the guy was also a scout leader so it made front page) open to everyone.

Over the next few days everyone found out about it (not all because of me) then I got a phone call from HR saying that someone had reported me for sticking the news report up against the window of my office and leaving copies in the meeting room.

That was all bullshit and lies. HR were actually understanding and believed my side of the story. I knew where it had come from so decided to bide my time.

Working in IT meant I knew most peoples passwords. Knowing that this manager wasn't the cleverest and would never click on,I set his password to never expire.

6 months after leaving there, I can still access his emails through webmail. I've deleted a load, moved a load to different folders and put spelling mistakes in all his contacts email and phone details. Mildly annoying but not great.

My greatest feat yet - setting up a meeting in his calendar to "See how I look wearing ladies clothes and underwear", scheduled for the meeting room, invited to everyone in the orgainsation in the UK (approx 500 people).

Apparantly the shit hit the fan, I remain undiscovered and he has no idea. His password is still the same so let me know for any other ideas I can use to make his life a misery.

(, Sat 26 Jan 2008, 17:48, 9 replies)
"Download more kiddy porn, heh" should be an entry into his schedule?
(, Sun 27 Jan 2008, 5:52, closed)
The Advanced Upside-Down Desktop
This one is silly but satisfying. If his is the kind of PC that lets you flip the screen around upside down and sideways, you can implement a variation on old upside down wallpaper trick. It goes:

1. Take a screen shot of his desktop as normal. Rotate the picture 180 degrees and set it as his wall paper.

2. Remove desktop shortcuts and icons to a safe place or the bin, depending on how callous you are feeling.

3. Rotate the screen 180 degrees, using alt gr + cursor key or similar, so the wall paper and shortcuts will appear the correct way round.

4. For best results, also hide the Start bar

5. Retire to a safe place to watch the ensuing madness when they return. Those with VNC or RAdmin will be able to watch the sorry saga from a great vantage point. Watch as they struggle to control the mouse as it travels in the opposite direction. Laugh as they finally make it to an icon, for it to do sod all when they click on it.

Not embarrassing, but you say he's pretty dumb, so it'll take him ages to catch on.
(, Sun 27 Jan 2008, 10:43, closed)
What are you doing just messing around with the peado-lover's computer.

You've got to hit him where it hurts - home and family.

- Cut his cat's head off, stuck in a sock, hang it from his front doorknob.

- Unoriginal, but effective: Dogshit through the letter box.

- Gloss paint thrown over his front windows in the dead of night. They soon get sick of *that*!

- Get pictures of his missus and post 'em off with a ransom letter stylee cut-out-newsprint note asking "Is she safe?". Sleepless nights guaranteed!

Let's face it - if the family can stomach this kind of animal, they're fair game too. No mercy for this kind of scum.
(, Sun 27 Jan 2008, 11:58, closed)
Very simple
Send emails from him to his boss tendering his resignation. Tell them that his letter is in the post, and post it to them, and tell them that your mark does not want to make a big deal and will be working 100% until the end of the contract.

With any luck it will be a good week until it comes out, at which point bosses will have made strides for finding a replacement.
(, Sun 27 Jan 2008, 20:05, closed)
Send a confessional email....
....to the whole company, from his account - with references to the papers, inc. weblinks if you can find them.
(, Sun 27 Jan 2008, 21:10, closed)
fun emails
Make him send out an email to someone in the company who has a simialr name to someone else (jones and smiths are good for this) ranting about paki bastards and how blacks are all money rapers ect... that would get him fired....Or an email about marital problems ie he has a small penis and his missus is frustrated and how does he go about enlarging it. Very childish but funny all the same.
(, Mon 28 Jan 2008, 11:24, closed)
too much?
why not sign up to some decidedly dodgy pron sites and put him on their mailing list so he gets some of that *shudder* filth he loves deliviered by email. Hopefully it should have him fired / prosecuted for repeat offending.
(, Mon 28 Jan 2008, 12:33, closed)
Calm down dear

read it again

the boss wasn't the peado

gets a clicky from me for the subtle fucking with his inbox, if i think of anything ....
(, Tue 29 Jan 2008, 15:40, closed)
^^^^^^^^^^^ - what sitting duck said
It's the peado's boss I'm fucking with.

OK - i have no access to his PC remotely unfortunately, only web-mail access to his outlook folders.

Although said peado is out now and i saw him in asda last week, had to tell my wife in a very loud voice who he was and where i knew him from. People heard and moved away.

(, Tue 29 Jan 2008, 23:47, closed)

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