jennifer
there is no point changing her name because she can't read or operate a computer anyway.

between graduating and my law degree, i had a stint as an estate agent (sorry, commercial and residential property manager). the girls and boss were lovely - with one exception. helen. i'll tell her story next - and it was a fab place to work.

then they hired jennifer. she was a big, soft babyfaced girl who was totally unsuited to the job. after 2 weeks i asked her to go on a viewing. that trained, highly demanding task of driving someone to a property, unlocking it, and letting them walk around it. i asked her to take the nicest old lady you've ever seen to a flat around the corner from the office.

jennifer didn't want to do it. she went scarlet and her lip trembled and she started shaking and her eyes filled with tears. i was trying to balance the incoming rental payments of around 4,000 tenants on the bank rec and draft court proceedings. i did not have time for her girly shit. so i forced the keys into her sweaty palms and off she went.

a minute later, she was back. she couldn't find the viewings fiesta. bear in mind it had personalised plates and the name of the company all over it. so another colleague who was much sweeter and more patient than i am marched her out there and opened it for her.

two minutes later, she was back again. she couldn't start the car. at this point, my colleague lost her patience. which had never happened before.

"I'VE ALREADY TURNED THE ENGINE ON!!!" she shouted.

"well it's too quiet. i can't hear it," jennifer was now actively sobbing. "i've never driven a car before where you have to put a stick in a hole and turn it. all i wanted to do was work in a post office and help grannies." and off she ran.

i) the old lady had lost patience and walked off;
ii) jennifer never came back (although her letter of resignation complained bitterly about a "pecking order";
iii) a stick? i really, really think she meant the KEY. wtf kind of car did she normally drive? one with a crank handle at the front??

at the time of this story, jennifer was THIRTY TWO YEARS OLD.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 27 Jan 2008, 11:28, 6 replies)

...
Bonza!
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Sun 27 Jan 2008, 11:58, closed)

Not so much a bastard
as an incompetent.
( Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Sun 27 Jan 2008, 12:10, closed)

Jeez
Do you think something was wrong with her? Well, I mean...

Like agoraphobic or too shy to breathe or something? She sounds messed up.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Mon 28 Jan 2008, 4:45, closed)

Excellent!
This reminds me of when I got a job on a citrus farm in Australia and was ashamed to admit to the scary Greek farmer I couldn't drive. I'll have to decide if its worth posting.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Mon 28 Jan 2008, 10:05, closed)

jennifer who...?
Jennifer doesn't live in Brisbane by any chance? A new girl named Jennifer started at my bar and is mildly terrified whenever someone asks for a Jagerbomb. Seriously, EVERY TIME, she grabs me and asks "I fill that with Red Bull, right? and a shot glass of jager? Really? Are you sure that's right?" She is also completely mystified as to why people ask for lemon and salt with their tequila slammers too...
(TheChicken Five hundred thousand points from Gryffindor, Mon 28 Jan 2008, 12:02, closed)

Fiesta keys
don't look like normal car keys, they actually do look a little like a stick, kind of like a lollipop after you've just crushed it between your teeth.
(substatic, Wed 30 Jan 2008, 12:55, closed)