There's this guy in my office....
For a while I thought he was my arch nemesis. He'd be really nice to most other people, then completely blank me. Or worse, he'd give me that look as he passed me in the corridor of "I'm plotting your demise", and then he'd smile in that weird way that you'd only expect from Jack Nicholson in The Shining or from Dr. Frankenstein as he threw the switch. Used to properly creep me out.

Then this morning I found a lone custard cream sitting in the middle of my desk, with my stuff noticeably cleared either side to let it sit, pride of place. After inquiry, it appears that this guy put it there, but didn't give one to anyone else. He's been unusually really nice to me all day but I'm scared to eat it for fear of it being laced with strychnine, or worse. I can't decide if it's some kind of extremely tasty (but a little weird) peace offering, or the most poorly thought-out cause of my potential untimely demise.
What should I do?
(The Oscillating Gibbon is eating curried squid, Tue 29 Jan 2008, 15:49, 14 replies)

sleep with him
he clearly fancies you.
or return the custard cream in the same fashion to let him down gently
(cs192 is sucking on a Koala at, Tue 29 Jan 2008, 15:50, closed)

Ooh, I know, I know!
Scrape out the middle bits then put the two biscuit halves back together. Then put it back on his desk.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 29 Jan 2008, 15:50, closed)

Get more!
Get more custard creams, then bin his and eat a known-safe one!

Or ask him one time "What's that smile for? Are you plotting my demise or something?"

I normally get a no from that one, and so far no demise has happenned yet! :P
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Tue 29 Jan 2008, 15:53, closed)

How about...

Take the custard cream, pop it into your mouth whole, chew it all up into a globule of sweet-treat, approach the chap, smile, then gob the resulting mess all over him, shouting 'I've rumbled your game, CUNTO!!!'

And I wonder why I don't have any friends...
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 29 Jan 2008, 15:54, closed)

These ideas are brilliant!
I ended up eating the custard cream, I felt it rude not to. It was a little soggy but otherwise it tasted pretty average. If I start to get leg paralysis I'll let you all know.
(The Oscillating Gibbon is eating curried squid, Tue 29 Jan 2008, 15:58, closed)

Soggy biscuit?
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear
( my_cat_has_no_shoes meh meh meh MEH MEH, Tue 29 Jan 2008, 16:00, closed)

You ate the soggy biscuit?
...ermmmm...oh dear...
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Tue 29 Jan 2008, 16:13, closed)

You didn't !!!
Did you?
You ate it?

M.U.G.!

You must like living dangerously. If a tramp outside the doctors clinic offered you a syringe full of 'infulenza innoculation' would you jack it up?
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Tue 29 Jan 2008, 16:15, closed)

Well, it would be faster...
...than waiting to get the same jab off the NHS, by which time you might have contracted a fatal dose of 'flu anyway.

_{(Runs for cover)}
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 29 Jan 2008, 16:21, closed)

There is a custard cream scale for giving/receiving...
If I recall correctly:

2 Custard Creams = 3 Lemon Puffs
1 Custard Cream = 2 Garibaldis
3 Custard Creams = 1 Fig Roll
12 Custard Creams = Tit Wank
( Piper Alpha is being a grumpy northerm bastard on:, Tue 29 Jan 2008, 16:32, closed)

UPDATE!
I put a pepperami on his desk. I'm such a flirt.
(The Oscillating Gibbon is eating curried squid, Tue 29 Jan 2008, 16:50, closed)

Eh?
You eat his soggy biscuit and now you're giving him some sausage?!




sorry, couldn't resist...
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Tue 29 Jan 2008, 17:14, closed)

@ madone
there is NO WAY 2 custard creams are equal to 3 lemon puffs! lemon puffs are gorgeous, whereas custard creams are rank!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 30 Jan 2008, 2:11, closed)

careful -
in office weirdo-speak, that means you're now married...
(puerile is really getting into seagulls lately., Wed 30 Jan 2008, 19:18, closed)