Hey...it's me!
Having just been passed another sodding leaving card this morning, I've realised that I may be the bastard colleage around here. As I couldn't give a toss about most people I work with, and as I'll never see them again once they've left, I can't be arsed to give any thought whatsoever to making up a witty, interesting or heart-felt comment in a leaving card. Same goes for birthday/wedding/baby etc. cards. What I do each and every time is copy someone else's comment exactly, but write it just above where they've written it...so it looks like they copied me. Saves me hours of brain-wracking each year.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Wed 30 Jan 2008, 14:02, 9 replies)

hmm, not bad...

I always write 'All the best, Pooflake' and then get a different colour pen and write 'I'm glad you're leaving - FUCK OFF!' with my left hand somewhere else in the card and leave my boss's name.

How I laugh

*comes to slow realisation that I am the bastard colleague*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 30 Jan 2008, 14:06, closed)

That's brilliant!
I may have to employ this in future. I normally just write "Fair do's, Gibbon"

Either that or I buy people extremely inappropriate cards, such as "congratulations on the birth of your babies!" for a birthday card. Supreme Crow knows that all too well...
(The Oscillating Gibbon is eating curried squid, Wed 30 Jan 2008, 14:33, closed)

Wow you got leaving cards?
Lucky you! Maybe my collegues are more bastard than yours. I finish at the end of the week for a new job and I havnt had anything yet. Not even the boss has said anything to me. I feel like getting up now.. see if anyone notices!
(Miggyman, Wed 30 Jan 2008, 14:42, closed)

all of these ideas are superb
well done gentlemen (and/or ladies)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 30 Jan 2008, 15:15, closed)

Cards
I usually put "I'm so gutted you're leaving [name], still, we'll always have the lunchtimes in the toilets!, signed Margret"
(dchurch bah, Wed 30 Jan 2008, 15:51, closed)

@Oscillating Gibbon
Yep, it's true. How can I forget such gems of birthday cards as the homemade "Happy Ramadan" (complete with crudely drawn Christmas tree on the front), or perhaps the inspired - genuine card made by a greetings card company - "Thank you for being such a lovely flower girl at our wedding."

Of course, it's your birthday soon, isn't it? (*Sinister laughter*)
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 30 Jan 2008, 16:12, closed)

I know someone who writes the best messages
Usually it's "Sorry for your loss" in every kind of card, unless it's someone he fancies, then he leaves his phone number with no name, they all sign the company christmas card too and he writes something like happy birthday or happy valentines day.
( Mrs.Sp@m, Wed 30 Jan 2008, 16:44, closed)

i have
started writing "merry tuesday!" in every card, no matter what the occasion. if i give a handmade card, however, my current favourite is my "commiserations on the loss of your hat" card. i gave that to a friend for her birthday. for the next hour, she alternated between laughing and giving me funny looks.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 0:40, closed)

All-encompassing
I write "Merry hallow new St boxing fire day"
Covers most eventualities.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 15:09, closed)