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This is a question Bastard Colleagues

You've all known one. The brown-nosing fucker, the 'comedian', the drunk, the gossip and of course the weird one with no mates who goes bell ringing, looks like Mr Majika and sports a monk's haircut (and is a woman).

Tell us about yours...

Thanks to Deskbound for the idea

(, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 9:09)
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Miss Misery
We've a big haired colleague who is one of the most sullen people ever born. The staffroom in general is pretty easygoing and everyone makes an effort to be nice to one another, but conversations with the big haired one tend to fizzle out due to despair.

Typical examples:
Me: "Hey (Marge-Simpson-Lookalike), check out this website. It might come in handy as a teaching aid."
MSL: "Fucking websites. I hate computers."

My nice colleague: "Hello there (Marge-Simpson-Lookalike). Fancy coming to the pub after work?"
MSL: "I fucking hate pubs. They're always full of fucking people."

But the most bizarre one came today. I was sitting on a computer, typing away when she decided my ear was ripe for a bending. Apropos of nothing:

"I fucking hate friends. Fuckers. I went and visited my friend today and I was cold on the journey."

She's not malign, so it's a little harsh to call her a bastard colleague, but she does take a little zip and sparkle out of the joy of being a teacher.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 11:40, 4 replies)
She sounds like a perfect candidate for Armstrong and Miller...
(, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 11:43, closed)
Sounds like a teacher I had years ago...
...who taught me GCSE History. This crabby woman was either menopausal or perpetually pre-menstrual and seemed to have this peculiar fascination with Michael Portillo. This was never admitted as some sort of sexual longing*, but her mannerisms suggested as such. If you got her talking politics and the Tory party came up, she'd start off on one:

"William Hague's** just lacking a bit of drive. The policies are there but he hasn't got that /grunt/ ooh, that charisma. Now, Portillo..."
At this point, either she'd grab the 30cm ruler quite firmly, or her hands would start to drift down her skirt...
"...yes, Portillo, he's got a leader's personality..."
...and so forth through similar bollocks until she was...well, I don't she ever actually masturbated in front of us, but it was for the best that she really she'd been led off topic and go back to the lesson...

*Perhaps because everyone else reckon's he's bent
**He was the party leader at the time, if anyone's trying to guess my age
(, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 12:07, closed)
I might come across that way today but only because my office colleague will not shut up. She has talked at me since the moment she arrived even following me to the kitchen to carry on talking at me. It's not useful or even interesting conversation and I have work to get through but no hints have worked even saying I really need to concentrate on this hasn't worked.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 12:29, closed)
Actually, Miss Misery's got a point...
...I also fucking hate Friends. How that shite ran for ten series I'll never know.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 13:23, closed)

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