Lizard sex...
My wife and I were 'messing around' in bed and all was going swimmingly.
My arousal was improved further when I felt my wife trace her finger lightly over my manhood. Except that her finger felt really cold. I then felt her 'finger' run down my leg to rest on my foot after which her finger emitted a delightful chirping sound. Knowing that she doesn't have chirping fingers or possess arms like a chimpanzee and realising that both her hands were actually elsewhere (kinda like when Leslie Neilsen got slapped by the mysterious third hand in one of the Naked Gun movies), it dawned on me that I had just enjoyed foreplay with a gecko.
I quickly jumped up in bed and a swift Bend It Like Beckham flourish saw the gecko flying across the room.
My sudden exertion resulted in a strange pain in my lower abdomen followed by a swelling appearing - at the same time as my preferred swelling started to rapidly diminish.

I'd done an inguinal hernia.

After an extremely long wait for the operation I was looking forward to a speedy recovery and some pain free hanky panky.
Well fuck my luck.
I've been experiencing incredible post-operative pain for about three weeks now...
...and my nuts feel like a couple of cans of highly pressurised condensed milk.
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 17:59, 4 replies)

So you like it a bit skinky, eh?

( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 18:02, closed)

I'm gonna bumrape that lizard...
...and give him a hernia he won't forget.
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 18:03, closed)

an iguanal hernia?
No, YOU fuck off.
(square go, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 19:22, closed)

Dammit...
...the whole inguinal / iguana punnage was so obvious and I didn't even think of it!
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 3:17, closed)

Oh my, I'm sorry but you and your iguanal hernia made me and my family kill ourselves laughing. You told the story brilliantly -oops, sorry, someone's already made the iguana joke.
(resurrection_mary cannibal_ferox, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 20:44, closed)

Hey
welcome back-haven't seen you for a while!
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 6:36, closed)

Hi TDub...
...have been lurking, but not posting much. Hope all is well in TDubland.
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Fri 24 Jun 2011, 15:25, closed)