Not me, but the lesbians.
My two clam jousting friends decided to get themselves a cute little puppy dog (for some unkown reason).

This little puppy is now a lot bigger and has developed the hobby of eating their undercrackers.

This would all be fine if he chewed them first, but, or no, he just eats out the crotch and swallows the rest down. This results in some rather pitiful whining as he drags his arse across the floor with some floral linen sticking out of his jacksy.

Now one day I was over for dinner and the dog started up on his whining "I've got pants stuck up my arse, do something about it!" he said in his best doggy fasion. Now mein hosts are a polite lot and thought they couldn't extract the pants in front of me, the kitchen had food in and the only place left with room for the two of them to perform this extraction was in the bedroom, so off they went half carrying, half dragging the canine with them.

They were in there for a couple of minutes before there was a loud scream, a laugh followed by more screams, insults and the sound of two ladies racing each other to the bathroom.

It transpires that whilst lesbian 1 held the dog, lesbian 2 had the unenviable job of retrieving the pants from the dogs arse with a pair of tweezers. As the pants were just about out of the orifice the elastic on them decided to come into action, pinging the overly soiled knickers back into number 2s face, prompting no 1 to laugh like a loon. Number 1, who had had the shitty end of the deal in the first place was most upset, and even more so at her partners immaturity, proceded to throw the poo covered pants at her laughing girlfriend, scoring a direct hit onto a laughing face. Cue screams, insults and running to the bathroom in an atempt to be the first one there and lock the other out.

After that, the dinner part didn't go down too well!
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 15:51, 18 replies)

either this is a true story
or you have a very specific fetish.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 16:05, closed)

^

( Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Sun 26 Jun 2011, 11:55, closed)

So
you were playing 'the dog', right?
(Waspard has your wank bank account details, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 17:08, closed)

It's called the cunt punters and the canine
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 17:39, closed)

Eating undies is weird.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sat 25 Jun 2011, 22:32, closed)

That last sentence about the dinner makes it much harder to fwap to.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 17:56, closed)

Can we call them "Lesley" and "Fliss"
and tell the story again. I'm confused who threw number two's at who.
( Piper Alpha is being a grumpy northerm bastard on:, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 19:01, closed)

just every now and then the pants dont go through
Cue an expensive little game to retrieve them. This can result in much fun... especially when you present the retrieved underwear and the female partner says "Those are not MY knickers". I cant imagine what was said when they got home.
(gearanach #wankwankwank, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 19:43, closed)

I disbelieve the last sentence.
Lesbians always go down well.
( flake has nothing against your right leg, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 20:06, closed)

Somewhat predictably....
...pictures, or it didn't happen.
(Mao's stepson is doing his bit for East/West relation's, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 20:15, closed)

I had a dog once who used to eat knickers too - clean or soiled, he wasnt bothered. Never got any stuck though, used to find them in little steaming heaps in the garden when I cleared up after him.
(Freakmandu, Sun 26 Jun 2011, 11:52, closed)

What has their lesbianism got to do with anything about this tale of animal cruelty?

( Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Sun 26 Jun 2011, 11:54, closed)

.
Makes it sexy times ten.
(Kyzia was here on, Sun 26 Jun 2011, 20:04, closed)

Can you tell it again only this time use Darth Vader and C3PO instead of lesbians.
Ta.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 26 Jun 2011, 20:30, closed)

You naughty little boy,
who told you what a lesbian is?

Upstairs to your room; NOW!
(Dr. Shambolic's Mum, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 3:04, closed)

Now available on YouTube
"Two Girls, One Pug"
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Sun 26 Jun 2011, 22:09, closed)

?
"Two Girls, One Pup," Shirley?
(Kyzia was here on, Sun 26 Jun 2011, 22:12, closed)

ah, lesbians...
...can't live with them, can't live without them, can't throw disease-infected shitty knickers at their faces.
(FUXTIX Not my words, Carol, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 0:07, closed)