b3ta.com qotw
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Home » Question of the Week » The Best / Worst thing I've ever eaten » Post 1217814 | Search
This is a question The Best / Worst thing I've ever eaten

Pinckas Ben Nochkan says: Tell us tales of student kitchen disasters and stories of dining decadence. B3ta Mods say: "Minge" does not a funny answer make

(, Thu 26 May 2011, 13:09)
Pages: Latest

« Go Back

If my dog could post on B3ta..
He might tell you about the time he felt his tummy rumbling. So like a well trained canine he trotted out to the lawn and surveyed all that lay before him to locate the ideal spot so he could expel his faecal matter in an organised coil. Perhaps it was the proximity of the hydrangeas that caught his eye or the listless leaves from the overhanging acacia tree that made him pick a spot so close to where I was dozing on a towel. And so the ritual began. He first gave the chosen deposition area a tentative scratch with his front paws. Once this was completed successfully he arched his back ever so slightly and started to rotate his body in a clockwise direction until his doggy chakra was at peace and he felt comfortable enough begin the evacuation. With his arsehole facing Mecca and incidentally my face the muscles around his sphincter relaxed somewhat and the first signs his glorious efforts were soon visible.

However, the magnificent coil I was expecting did not materialise and in it's place slithered an amoeba like faecal monster that resembled a brown terminator that had yet to take shape. Once Benji had completed his ablutions he turned a full one hundred and eighty degrees and casually ran his nose through the fine scent of his heavenly turd. He looked not unlike a chef delicately dissecting the aroma of a complicated dish. Overcome by the delicious smell and inviting presentation of the whole ensemble his tongue lolled out the side of his mouth and he dropped his head and started to devour his recent creation.

He ate every last morsel and to the eternal disappointment of the insect population inhabiting the lawn none was spared. He then wandered off somewhat smug and content in the knowledge that he had provided himself with such a satisfying meal. Now if he could post on here I'm sure he'd be espousing the virtues of a self made meal, but two factors have conspired against this. Firstly he can neither read or write and even if he could I'm sure his large paws would be no match for the human keyboard. Secondly, and perhaps more importantly is the fact that he died in 2001 - God bless his doggy soul. Nevertheless if he could have overcome these hurdles he would have wanted to share this story with you because that's the kind of dog he was.
(, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:33, closed)
did the turd kill him?
or some other poo-eating related illness?
(, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:59, closed)
...of an Ainsley Harriot TV special dedicated to this culinary style.
(, Fri 27 May 2011, 10:54, closed)

« Go Back

Pages: Latest