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This is a question The Best / Worst thing I've ever eaten

Pinckas Ben Nochkan says: Tell us tales of student kitchen disasters and stories of dining decadence. B3ta Mods say: "Minge" does not a funny answer make

(, Thu 26 May 2011, 14:09)
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Repressed childhood horror...
I cannot believe that I have chuckle-parped my way through so many of this week's entries without disclosing the following tale...

Ladies and gentlemen, repression is a wonderful thing, for I have somehow managed to tidy away this memory of consumption into a well locked cupboard of my brain; a place where accidental soilings, regrettably monstrous fornications and this tale have resided until now...

As a child of around 6 years old I used to spend summer holiday travelling the country with my Sales Agent father - he would have to frequent clients nationwide and due to, what I realise now as employment and financial issues, I would tag along in his car to 'go on exploring adventures' as we saw the sights of the various cities we had to frequent.

I used to love it as we'd usually shoe-horn in musuem trips, icecreams on the beach or even (location dependant) the hyper-pant-wettingly good fun of a water park!

Dad was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer one summer and his specialists prescribed an intensive set of radiotherapy and chemotherapy to hit it hard - Dad being both incredibly stubborn and a very keen runner (marathon, triathlons, ironman etc) he decided to go with the treatment but carry on his full work commitments despite a now shiny bald head, excruciating ulcers and uncontrollable vomitting.

As a young child I didn't fully understand the situation other than getting to draw a big cartoon face on his shiny head, copying his intermittant limp and bringing him a 'special blanket' when he did have spells of crippling fatigue.

Well this summer was no different - we were set to go off 'sploring' and loaded several boxes of brochures and swatches into his car for a day away visiting clients; whilst business deals were going on I'd be left in the car with full control of the radio and cd player, and usually a service station bought 'pack lunch' of sandwich, milkshake and delicious, delicious flapjack.

As I reached to the backseat to grab my lunch I noticed my milkshake was tucked into the door pocket - banana Frijj wasn't my usual favourite but Dad loved that one so I thought we were probably sharing... Yes, that must be it as it's half full...

As I greedily chugged a full mouthful I realised immediately something was chronically wrong - an accrid, acidic wall of chemicals filled my mouth and I had already engaged my swallow reflex... Down into my stomach went a full mouthful of CHEMOTHERAPY INDUCED VOMIT.

A remarkable resemblance to Frijj Banana in texture, colour and consistency but in reality the forced ejections of a stomach filled with festering bile and treatment poisons - crying childish screams of horror, I screwed the lid back on as quick as my little flapjack and crayon encrusted fingers could swivvel, replaced it to the door pocket and then saw the Mars milkshake that had rolled into the footwell.

I never mentioned this to Dad. Ever. But even the very thought of touch a Frijj's distinctly shaped bottle makes an accrid heartburn brew from within. *shudder*

Length? it was 1992 he was diagnosed, and despite 4 recurrances, numerous hospitalisations and being given 12months to live in 2004, he is still with us today - no doubt annoying someone or talking the hardsell in Worcestershire.
(, Sun 29 May 2011, 14:14, 10 replies)
You'd think cancer would give up and move on?
My mate's dad's the same, numerous potentially fatal illnesses over the years and he's beaten each one. Nice to see your dad's a fighter as well.
(, Sun 29 May 2011, 14:26, closed)
Dad's eh?
They're made of tough stuff! I think it'll be a wakeup call/kick up the backside when I one day realise I'm meant to be of the same stuff!

Good on your Dad! It's been nearly 20 years since my Pops first was hospitalised - two decades; I think it'd make a good biography...
(, Sun 29 May 2011, 16:06, closed)
yeah, also those pathetic idiots who die of cancer, eh?
christ, and THEIR families think they deserve sympathy? they obviously didn't try hard enough.
(, Tue 31 May 2011, 15:19, closed)
i really
Don't understand where you're coming from...

I think you might have caught the wrong end of the stick here...
(, Tue 31 May 2011, 15:59, closed)
there's a pervasive attitude around cancer that people 'fight' and then 'win'.
the implication being that anyone who dies was a bit pathetic and clearly didn't 'try' hard enough. I just don't suspect that this is helpful to other sufferers and their families.
(, Tue 31 May 2011, 22:17, closed)
that's by no means
what my story or replies indicate nor imply. I understand what you are saying but can't help but feel your bitter-sounding attitudes are far less helpful than a potentially inspiring story.

There are far too many tragic and heart-breaking occurances to not celebrate the victory stories out there!
(, Thu 2 Jun 2011, 0:32, closed)
Glad to hear he's still ok
Must be one tough bastard
(, Sun 29 May 2011, 15:45, closed)
I'd say so yes...
Ex-RAF provost officer, ex-prison officer, ironman runner, dessert marathon runner etc...

However when I have spoken to him about the corellation he's adamant they're disconnected - he says his brain is telling his heart to beat and his lungs to breath subconciously, so deep down he can tell his cells to stop multiplying and his body to recover.

I think there's some truth behind his theory, but it's not just a case of pointing to your body with a wagging finger and stating a firm "NO!".

Thanks for responding to this - it's quite introvertly therapeutic posting so its nice to know people are actually reading too :)
(, Sun 29 May 2011, 16:05, closed)
Your story made me nearly dry heave
But i'm glad your Dad is fine.

Have a *clicky*
(, Mon 30 May 2011, 3:23, closed)
The wettest dry heave known to man?
(, Mon 30 May 2011, 10:43, closed)
"dessert marathon runner"
made me chuckle, but also liked the story too. Go your dad
(, Mon 30 May 2011, 12:06, closed)
Cheers for taking the time to comment...


(I didn't know what to say)
(, Mon 30 May 2011, 22:09, closed)

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