Spicy stuff
There was a time in the early 90s when I tried curries of various grades of heat in order to work out my favourite. From pashwari, a fruity dish made with lychees, bananas and coconut all the way up to the bowel-wobbling vindaloo. Along with everything inbetween.

It was then that I discovered the 'Cobra Bite' in an Indian takeaway in West Hull. The Cobra Bite was a curry that was hotter than the Stygian conflagration of Hades itself. The takeaway menu graded the heat of the curries by displaying a number of chillis. Korma was one chilli, Madras was five chillis and Vindaloo was six. The Cobra Bite was twelve.

The proprietor of the takeaway caused me to sample a forkful before he would take my money, which was probably a clause in the shop's liability insurance.

I did manage about 75% of the meal with the help of over a quart of water to prevent gastro-immolation. But by Christ, the next day I knew about it. I knew it was going to be bad, but not this bad. I was beginning to think someone had used my arsehole as a crucible for smelting tin. Either that or Mrs Sandettie was secretly buggering me with a soldering iron.

Never again, and nowadays even the thought of eating anything with more heat than a dansak makes my ringpiece go into spasm.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 31 May 2011, 17:22, 8 replies)

We have a "twelve chilli" curry in a local place - it's free if you can finish it
And that's on a scale where vindaloo is three, phall is four...

Basically, it's stupid-englishman-pissed-up-on-lager bait.

Kudos for the evocative descriptions. I particularly enjoyed "used my arsehole as a crucible for smelting tin".
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Tue 31 May 2011, 17:30, closed)

Done
the phall a couple of times. Don't see the point - I find a good Dhansak far more pleasurable. Or Malay Malacann beef if I can find it.
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Tue 31 May 2011, 19:31, closed)

If it's too hot
you don't actually taste it.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 31 May 2011, 19:35, closed)

I once had a vindaloo...
...that left my ring feeling like it had been smeared in deep heat and somehow with simultanious constipation and diarrhea.

I ended up sat in the shower, sobbing like a child, waiting for the pain to stop...
( TheMattInAHat has a particular... odour..., Tue 31 May 2011, 22:56, closed)

a click for
Mrs Sandettie was secretly buggering me with a soldering iron.
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Tue 31 May 2011, 23:20, closed)

Water does sod all apart from dilute the capsaicin bearing curry.
It's lipids you need to disolve the capsaicin so a glass of milk or maybe some yoghurt is what you need ;)
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Wed 1 Jun 2011, 1:05, closed)

I like this muchly.
It triggers empathetic memories of the morning after my local 'Asian' restaurant's stuffed chili menu. Like getting a prostate massage from the Human Torch.
( .Yeti., Wed 1 Jun 2011, 13:00, closed)

"I was beginning to think someone had used my arsehole as a crucible for smelting tin"
Phrases like these are why I love this site...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Wed 1 Jun 2011, 14:11, closed)