"When I was turning 8, my birthday wasn't so great..."
When you're young, everyone is really jealous that your birthday is in August, slap bang in the middle of the summer holidays and I must admit to laughing heartily when evil parents made their poor children actually go to school on the day of their birthday. However the downside is that everyone's parents book their sunny holidays for the summer when the kids were off.

So on my eighth birthday my parents organise a party at some leisure centre where me and ten whole friends can enjoy swimming and ice skating and baloons and cake and everyfink!!! I invite my favourite ten friends; everyone except my best friend Andrew says they can't come as they're buggering off to France/Spain/Pontins/Mars (delete as applicable). Slightly downhearted I invite my next favourite ten with pretty much the same result. It's now the week before we break up for the summer and I'm so desperate I've given invites to Stinky Stephen the smelly child who wee's himself on a regular basis and two of the teachers. On the day of my birthday, after all the ace presents are opened, I eagerly wait on my driveway for the ten (almost) specially selected guests to arrive for my day of joy and wonder. I was waiting a long time.

My birthday fun was shared by me, Andrew, Stinky Stephen and a girl whose name I didn't know then and don't know now who bore a striking resemblance to The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

It was fucking brilliant!!! Me and Andrew spent the whole day holding them under the water in the pool and then trying to run over their fingers with our ice skates. Bollocks to the cake, the best bit was making Stinky and Quasimodo kiss each other on pain of beatings. Stinky Steven got so excited quite a bit of wee came out. I never remember spending any other day of childhood laughing so much.
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Fri 9 Dec 2005, 11:36, Reply)