Moles
A mate of mine lives in a nice small house right next to the beach, along with his slightly neanderthal-esque father. Nothing wrong with the guy, in fact we get on pretty well (particularly when we're having a smoke with him reminiscing about his wilder days in the 60's) however Gerry, for that is not his name, bears a significant resemblance towards our pre-evelolutionary ancestors, especially with practical matters.

An example - moles. He had a small plot of grass in front of his house. Nothing special, just a nice bit of soil & turf that we could all sit around on chugging a few brews and watching the world (along with suitably attired voluptous young ladies heading to and from the beach) go by. One day there appeared on said patch of grass a dimple of soil. The molehill. Now there are generally accepted ways of dealing with moles. Amongst these include such methods as calling in pest control, mole bombs (if you can get to France that is) or hiding in the garden at night with a twelve gauge shotgun. They generally do NOT include, however, pouring several gallons of petrol down said mole-hill followed by a lit match and shortly therafter a distinct "WHOOMPH" sound.

Unfortunately, this did not appear to remedy the matter as, a couple of days later, said mole reappeared in the (now slightly browning) garden. Gerry's answer? Concrete the whole fucking thing over. Two days and a whole shit-load of concrete later and the garden has transformed itself into a lovely little patio.

Bad luck Mr. Mole.
( Hunter Stockton was murdered by a bicycle wielding axolotl,.,.,.,., Fri 11 Mar 2011, 17:41, 5 replies)

More like "Bad luck Mr. Gerry"
Rather concrete than grass?
I guess he's got advanced years as an excuse, he must be how old?
Wild days 16-21? so he's between 58 and 72? Whatever.
Idiot.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 11 Mar 2011, 20:21, closed)

Ever heard of a
Pyhrric victory?

Scorched earth policy?
(Monchberter Can't go wrong with Doom, Fri 11 Mar 2011, 21:56, closed)

Moles, rats, rabbits
Or any burrow dwelling vermin can easily be got rid of. Connect a hose from a car exhaust and shove it down the hole. Leave the car running for as long as possible (start with a full tank) et voila! Many dead small furry animals!
( SteamedCleaner, Fri 11 Mar 2011, 22:46, closed)

Works best if it's an old banger
Newer cars have such strict emissions laws to pass that the air coming out of the exhaust pipe is often cleaner than what went in the engine, in a big city.
(Hairy Bob, Sat 12 Mar 2011, 8:17, closed)

Even by QOTW standards...
that is utter horseshit.

Well done.
(Sloppy Giuseppe, Tue 15 Mar 2011, 18:04, closed)