Bloke goes into an opticians, puts a shoebox down on the counter.
"Look at this will you?" he says to the optician.

The optician opens the box, and inside is a massive steaming turd.

"Fuck me!" Says the optician, slamming the box shut. "What the hell are you doing??"

The bloke says "No, please take a look, I really need your help", as he opens the box and shoves it under the opticians nose.

"Aggh!," says the optician, shoving the box away. "You need a doctor mate. I'm an optician! Why the hell are you bringing that thing to me?"

"'Cos every time I do one of those, it makes my eyes water!".
(username failed moderation, Fri 12 Jul 2013, 15:26, 7 replies)

That's not funny.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Jul 2013, 15:27, closed)

It is if you're
drunk.
(username failed moderation, Fri 12 Jul 2013, 15:29, closed)

Or a fucking tosser.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Jul 2013, 15:31, closed)

(username failed moderation, Fri 12 Jul 2013, 15:42, closed)

Well, my dad would probably find this hilarious.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 12 Jul 2013, 21:08, closed)

My dad would not have found it hilarious. He probably would have done one of his famous blackouts
and then awoken to mutter, "So much blood."
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 12 Jul 2013, 23:32, closed)

When this wins, you'll
all be sorry you smirked.
(username failed moderation, Mon 15 Jul 2013, 8:44, closed)