Piercing small children
Some years ago I used to teach small children…..

My favourite classes were always those involving art, craft and design technology; painting and making crap out of rubbish. One day while ‘teaching’ this – I use the word teaching in its widest sense….usually it involved me giving out the glue….no, that sounds wrong…they were only four and five – the hardest thing they were on was Calpol…

Anyway, on this particular day we were making cars – lots of shoe boxes, cotton reels, pieces of dowel, bits of card, I’m sure you get the picture. Now in order to make said cars various sharp implements need to be available to the pupils….Safety first always so I had already done the talk about how to hold scissors when walking, how to avoid stabbing yourself or the table with a pencil when making a hole in card by placing plasticene the other side (Oh! Top Tip…), and I had mentioned how we need to be careful with all the bits of kit on teacher’s desk…..like the industrial strength stapler…..

Did I mention I had an Inspector in that day too? Sitting at the back of the class with a face like a four year old’s slapped bottom….

So the class is going reasonably well, we had discussed cars and how much we liked them and who had been sick in them….We had even started on the good stuff of making our wonderful creations….I can’t believe this…I’ve slipped into the whole ‘we’ thing without even realising….I wasn’t making a crap car…I was being ‘encouraging’ – “Yes George, that looks lovely, especially the rocket bit at the back, I’m sure that’ll go very fast” “No Kylie, don’t hit George over the head with your car, I’m sure he likes you really”….You get the picture…..

All standard Infant teacher stuff…until there is an ear-splitting scream and the biggest pain in the arse, a boy called Adam, comes up with my stapler attached to his hand…..

Now surprisingly there was no blood…at that point. One ‘leg’ of a staple had embedded itself (with Adam’s help) into his fingertip….right down so that the staple was laying flat against his finger with the other (bloody big) leg running alongside….

The whole class – 32 four and five year olds stop doing whatever they were doing, including the two in the playcorner playing Mummies & Daddies….and all rush over to see how bad Adam’s finger is….

Bearing in mind that the Inspector is still sitting at the back with his clipboard I decide to make light of the matter….bad idea….”Goodness me Adam, what a lot of noise you’re making. Let me have a look, I’m sure you’re fine” I grab his hand and pull like hell on the embedded staple…it dislodges and out pours the blood….Cue 32 kids saying a mixture of “Eeww!” and “Cor!”

Very swiftly I grab some tissues (always present in an Infant classroom – for all that snot…the kids use them too), wrap up Adam’s finger and send him off with a ‘sensible’ child to the Office….where he was sent home and then on to the hospital…..

And the Inspector? “Well Mrs Chickenlady, I’m not sure you covered all of your learning objectives in this lesson; you didn’t discuss gears”

Shortly after that I gave up teaching….Adam has a large scar I believe….
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 20:07, Reply)