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This is a question Body Mods

This week we hand the honours over to DippyFi, who asks:

"Got your girlfriend stuck on your Prince Albert? Had an argument with your tattoo artist mid-tattoo? Piercing mysteriously dissolved the cartilege in your ear? Or worse: decided to pierce yourself while you were drunk? Go on, I wanna hear all the gory details!"

The closest I've got to body piercing was when a friend stuck a sodding gardening fork through my right hand. It wasn't a good look to be honest.

(, Thu 30 Nov 2006, 23:02)
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This question is now closed.

there's the arm I broke falling off my bike when I was a kid:

If I'd fallen the other way, I would have been crushed under a coach!
(, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 0:28, Reply)
i've got tattoos and various bits pierced.
never had a problem with any of them at all, but i did mangle a friend's nipple about ten years ago when i worked in a shop for a while helping out a piercer. i did the standard ears and nipples with no trouble -- part of the job is just calming the nervous types, and once that's done it's pretty easy to open up a huge gushing bloody wound and fill it with metal.

the friend had come into the shop to get his nipples pierced but chickened out once, and i was the only one he trusted to jab him. the first one was fine, but the anticipation of the second was too much for him and his endorphin rush didn't compensate. he flinched and ended up with a wonky piercing that was too close to the tip of the nipple. it should have grown out, but it didn't, so he now has a second piercing behind it (where the first should have been), so his left nipple is perced twice.

i got laid there, too, before having my back tattoo done. the acquaintance i'd asked to shave my back so the tattooist could see my skin and i ended up having a quick fuck in the prep room just before i had by back done. good fun, that was.

various medical nonsense unrelated to the piercings made me take them out last year, so i'll have to replace them eventually. i've been working on my next tattoo for a couple of years now, but have yet to finish it (the design, that is. i like sketching these things out first before hopping into the chair).
(, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 23:36, Reply)
Temp body mod
(Aren't I slangy?) The men in my family are a hairy hairy bunch. My littlest brother has a black pelt down his back, like a bear.

During his bachelor's party, he passed out face down in the snow. Did his bosom friends rescue him? No. They shaved his football jersey number in his back hair, leaving a snow white '53' outlined by jet black fur.

The rest of my family wet themselves laughing when he showed us the next day at his wedding reception.

PS I am a total wussie. The only thing I have pierced are my ears and I did that when I was 30. Was SUCH a blouse I had to have my 11 year old cousin go with me and hold my hand.
(, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 23:26, Reply)
I had the top half of my giant,
oversized toe removed when I was four...

Does that count as a mod?
(, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 22:07, Reply)
waking up with a tat
the old head of cadets woke up with many a tat,
got a mate who woke up with a tat of a spaceship flying past a planet on his ass
as for me?
i look like a big enough prick as it is, i dont need anymore holes than my body has, i dont need pictures on me and no matter how many twats tell you scars are cool, they're a fucking pain in the arse and are great source of insecurity

go me

(, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 21:53, Reply)
well it had to be done. back in october i payed the princely sum of £42 to have an inch long bar installed in my neck horizontally one centimeter below my left earlobe. why you might think?? well get this- the guy who peirced it said he'd never heard of it before but he'd give it a go, and EVERYONE who saw it, even if they thought it was shit, told me it was origional. and it was a good conversational starter, as within 30 minutes of meeting some cracking bird (who came over to me in the pub to tell me how cool it looked)i was banging her.

no moral to my shit story, but get a surface peircing, it shows you have guts!!! lol.
(, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 21:47, Reply)
I don't have any piercings or tattoos. I don't know if I necessarily want either, either. I'm a bit too wimpy in pain-threshhold and confidence-to-go-into-a-tattoo-parlour-ness and I don't really have enough muscle for a tattoo needle to be effective; it would basically go straight through my arm.

Since I was about 13 or so, I've always drawn this kind of floral pattern on my fingers or hand when I'm bored. I thought one day "This would be really cool as a tattoo! When I'm old enough, I'll get it done! Just on one finger; subtle but cool!"

Obviously now I *am* old enough, but I don't think I have the guts or the will to get it done. It doesn't seem quite as cool now, and it's something you can't really just remove...

Ps. It would obviously be prettier and more complicated than this...
(, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 21:26, Reply)
Sweaty Middlesbrough Man
In my first year of uni I was hammered & decided that I wanted a tattoo and that I wasn't really interested what it was of.

Normally these things don't seem like such a good idea the next morning, not this time, I went down to the grottiest, dodgiest tattoo shop in boro, it was in some basement, really dark, people smoking weed, loads of fat goths sitting around looking grumpy.

I spent about 5 minutes picking from the wall, decided to get some abstract sort of tribal symbol, 9 inches right on the upper spine. Sat down and this *massive* sweaty guy in a wheelchair comes over, with more metal on his face than face, takes him about an hour or something (by far the most painful thing I've ever done, and I've fractured my coccyx skiing ffs).

After I was kind of in a daze, wasn't really sure what was going on, I went to boots & bought more skin healing cream than I could carry, so also bought a ruck-sack, then went to whsmith & bought a pen, and paid by credit card, then did the same with a huge bar of chocolate.

After all that I pretty much had the worst "buyers remorse" ever, what with just about everyone either laughing at me or being "dissapointed". Noone told me what to expect with healing, I was leaving bloody imprints of it on everything I touched for a week or so, then it started regularly shedding black scabs for another 2 weeks, I guess it sounds pretty normal now, but I was crapping myself.

Anyway 5 years later its good as new, girlfriend loves it, noone else really see's it, best decision ever!!.
(, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 21:17, Reply)
Prison body mod

And that's what you get for raping and murdering little girls
(, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 21:13, Reply)
Nothing serious, but
I once sat on a thumb tack.
(, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 20:28, Reply)
Piercing small children
Some years ago I used to teach small children…..

My favourite classes were always those involving art, craft and design technology; painting and making crap out of rubbish. One day while ‘teaching’ this – I use the word teaching in its widest sense….usually it involved me giving out the glue….no, that sounds wrong…they were only four and five – the hardest thing they were on was Calpol…

Anyway, on this particular day we were making cars – lots of shoe boxes, cotton reels, pieces of dowel, bits of card, I’m sure you get the picture. Now in order to make said cars various sharp implements need to be available to the pupils….Safety first always so I had already done the talk about how to hold scissors when walking, how to avoid stabbing yourself or the table with a pencil when making a hole in card by placing plasticene the other side (Oh! Top Tip…), and I had mentioned how we need to be careful with all the bits of kit on teacher’s desk…..like the industrial strength stapler…..

Did I mention I had an Inspector in that day too? Sitting at the back of the class with a face like a four year old’s slapped bottom….

So the class is going reasonably well, we had discussed cars and how much we liked them and who had been sick in them….We had even started on the good stuff of making our wonderful creations….I can’t believe this…I’ve slipped into the whole ‘we’ thing without even realising….I wasn’t making a crap car…I was being ‘encouraging’ – “Yes George, that looks lovely, especially the rocket bit at the back, I’m sure that’ll go very fast” “No Kylie, don’t hit George over the head with your car, I’m sure he likes you really”….You get the picture…..

All standard Infant teacher stuff…until there is an ear-splitting scream and the biggest pain in the arse, a boy called Adam, comes up with my stapler attached to his hand…..

Now surprisingly there was no blood…at that point. One ‘leg’ of a staple had embedded itself (with Adam’s help) into his fingertip….right down so that the staple was laying flat against his finger with the other (bloody big) leg running alongside….

The whole class – 32 four and five year olds stop doing whatever they were doing, including the two in the playcorner playing Mummies & Daddies….and all rush over to see how bad Adam’s finger is….

Bearing in mind that the Inspector is still sitting at the back with his clipboard I decide to make light of the matter….bad idea….”Goodness me Adam, what a lot of noise you’re making. Let me have a look, I’m sure you’re fine” I grab his hand and pull like hell on the embedded staple…it dislodges and out pours the blood….Cue 32 kids saying a mixture of “Eeww!” and “Cor!”

Very swiftly I grab some tissues (always present in an Infant classroom – for all that snot…the kids use them too), wrap up Adam’s finger and send him off with a ‘sensible’ child to the Office….where he was sent home and then on to the hospital…..

And the Inspector? “Well Mrs Chickenlady, I’m not sure you covered all of your learning objectives in this lesson; you didn’t discuss gears”

Shortly after that I gave up teaching….Adam has a large scar I believe….
(, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 20:07, Reply)
Jesus christ, some of you people must be fucking retarded.
Especially the guy that hammered a nail through his hand after watching Dirty Sanchez. there's a reason they put "DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME" at the start of that show, you dumb fuck.

Although I've never been the biggest fan of body mods (although I'd get a tattoo if I could decide on something to have on my body for the rest of my life), I can see why some people would like it.

What I can't get my head around is the number of wankers that do things like stapling stuff to themselves and shit ike that. Seriously, what the fuck is the point? Are you trying to prove something to yourselves, cos the only proof of anything I can see is that you're a cunt.
(, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 19:47, Reply)
I got incredibly wasted one night with a load of friends, but figured the entire event had passed without incident.

Then I walked naked past the mirror and saw two perfect crosses branded on my arse-cheeks.


I also pierced my own nipple with a safety pin, aged 14. Remarkably, nothing went wrong and I still have it in nearly six years later. Though I put a proper ring through it, as I had horrible images of the safety pin springing open and ripping my boob off.
(, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 19:31, Reply)
I had my nose pierced.
It was a bit of a mistake, looking back, not because it looked awful but because metal jewellery in general tends to bring me out in a rash. I thought that it being hypoallergenic would help but it never healed and I got bored of it. I still have this problem with just BANGLES on my wrist - if I wear them for too long they leave little marks like insect bites.

When I got it pierced, I had this European woman with a piercing in her gum - I do not know why people pierce there, there's no erotic reason and it doesn't look very attractive to me. After daubing my nose with antiseptic, she shoved some huge contraption thing up my nose which would somehow help with the piercing process using what felt like both hands to get it up my nostril and then asked 'This must be a bit odd, yes?' Uhh...

The actual piercing didn't hurt... but putting in the stud did!
(, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 19:22, Reply)
most snowboarders have crap body mods
a girl i'm friends with used to work at bear mountain in california. one of her best friends was the kind of guy who owned nothing except a snowboard, and lived his off-season preparing for the coming snow. his board was a one of a kind prototype given to him by a pro rider he was friends with. it was his life, pride and joy.

one day it gets stolen.

this young lady spots it while working the lifts and gives her friend a call, "some guy is riding your board here at the mountain."

dude shows up, takes the lift to the top and waits for the perpetraitor. when the man in question exits the lift, the dude beats the living crap out of him, and with his own snowboard tool carves into his forehead "i stole."

he then walked down the mountain and went home. true story.
(, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 18:49, Reply)
I had a splinter once.
It bloody hurt.

Length? Dunno, but it took ages to get out.
(, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 18:22, Reply)
Not me, but a friend...
...was sitting in school one day when he realises that he can use a compass to scratch his skin lightly and draw shapes. so what's the first thing he drew? you guessed it, a CDC.

The problem was, it made a scar on his hand in the shape of, (yup you guessed it again), a cock.

And due to the dark nature of his skin, the light coloured penis sticks out for all to see and laugh.

His parents weren't even mad but his dad always makes fun of him for it.

Now thats what i call a body mod!
(, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 18:18, Reply)
Eyebrow Piercage..
When I lost my first eyebrow piercing in a swimming pool, the hole had healed up and some random jobber re-pierced it for me on Bolton town hall steps. NOT the best thing to do, I tell thee.

I remember staggering down the steps and into bhs where 50 something year old women were staring at my bloody face. NOT the best thing to do, I tell thee.
(, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 17:33, Reply)
I just have a tattoo of a monkey (designed by my girlfriend - now wife), but I intend to get more. The real story here is not so much a body mod one, but it fits with some of the other responses...

When I was little, i found a hypodermic needle & syringe in our house (my dad used it for something to do with his photography) I decided i would fill it with water and squirt a friend in the face. He took offense to this and tried to stop me by flailing his hands around. Predictably, needle connected with hand and pierced right through his palm. Despite him going a funny colour, i decided to squirt him in the face some more, right through his hand.
(, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 16:38, Reply)
I'm pretty hairy, and it's interesting the reactions people have when they see my hairy little belly; funnily enough most people go "Oh my god, you're so hairy", as if I hadn't noticed.

Anyway, I decided to do a little social experiment when I was 16 and judge people's reactions. Basically I shaved "Merry Xmas" into my belly hair.

The result? In 2 short hours, a school of 2000 students were all asking to see it, even the teachers. Never again, it itched like fuck and people renamed me "Hairy Weirdo".

I'd quite like to do it again now tho, so I'm open to requests. Perhaps I should shave "Boo!" into it and see if I can scare people? If anyone's got any funny ideas I'll do it and document the results.
(, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 16:30, Reply)
Some sad bloke spent all his time sitting indoors reading second hand books and thinking up pornographic responses to light hearted questions asked on a website, you might think he was a bit strange…..
(, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 16:04, Reply)
Body mods?
It's not "self expression" it's just showing off.
(, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 16:02, Reply)
If ...
Your cat voluntarily and repeatedly burned its nose on a candle, or purposefully pierced its skin on a needle, or sliced its paws with broken glass just for kicks ... you'd assume it was mentally ill and either pity it or laugh at it. There's a comment there somewhere, I think.

[Likewise, if you knew a man who set fire to a pile of dry leaves in his home and watched TV while inhaling toxins, you say he was mad. But if he lights up a cigarette, he's 'just' smoking.]
(, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 15:51, Reply)
Oh the shame...
When I was 12 I got my mum to take me and my older sister to get our ears piered at the local chemist. As I was the instigator of this I was a little bit cocky about the whole thing so it was mightily embarassing when I blacked out on the high street afterwards! I distinctly remember hanging onto a lampost and slowly sliding down it till I was lying on the floor! Not very rock and roll!
(, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 15:47, Reply)
Self 'modification'
I, erm, well, like to 'experiment' with body modifications, having done all my own assorted piercings, brands and a couple of pieces of scarification work.

One of the aforementioned piercings was a penile frenum piercing (cf 'bango string'). One thing to remember with said piercing is never to have post-clubbing, vigourous, amphetamine fuelled sex with a girlfriend (at the time) who had several 'down below' piercings herself. during a particularly energetic session, i got my frenum bar caught in one of her labial rings.

She won the ensuing panic-stricken tug of war.

The Result: Lots of blood, much pain, blood, the loss of the bar as it 'pinged' across the room, (i think it went out of the window, but to be honest, that was the least of my worries!). Oh, and blood, did i mention the blood? A profuse amount of the stuff, i never realised i could bleed for so long without passing out.

Obviously i didn't go to A&E, being far too manly, and it stopped eventually. Oh, and I 'lost' my frenum as it snapped and never healed back together again.

There was also the occasion where i did a rather nice tribal brand desin on my lower leg, using a gas powered soldering iron. Turned out nice, in my opinion, but by jebus it hurt.
(, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 15:25, Reply)
Bad tattoos
I used to live in Japan so although not fluent, I can read some Japanese.

Had a great conversation with a guy in a club who was convinced his very large kanji tattoo on his arm meant 'Strength and Power'. It actually said 'Tree' but I didn't have the heart to shatter his illusion.
(, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 13:07, Reply)
Don’t try this at home…
As an undergraduate, I did forensic medicine in second year as one of my elective courses. It was fantastic; anatomy, pathology, toxicology, ballistics, proper CSI type stuff. One of the lectures covered “How to identify a body”. They discussed using things you found on the victim, like drivers licence, DNA samples, dental records etc. But then they also touched on unusual body modifications, whether natural (like missing fingers) or unnatural, like tattoos and piercings. Our lecturer was a top bloke; a really well respected forensic pathologist who had worked on a number of high profile cases.

He introduces the slides on “Tattoos as a form of identification” and goes through some bog standard blurb about a unique tattoo making a positive ID of an unknown body much easier. He then says, with a huge grin on his face “and I’d like to illustrate this with an example, if I may.” He presents a case of a middle-aged gentleman of seemingly no fixed abode who had been discovered dead in an alleyway. He had no ID on him and no one had reported him missing. It was however suspected that he might be a fairly regular visitor to some of the more dubious hostelries in the locale. A quick sweep of said establishments and a chat with the regulars did indeed show that the man in question was known in that area and was positively ID’ed from the description that the police gave to the drinkers.

“He was identified by a rather unusual home made tattoo,“ said the Prof, and put up a picture of the body.

The guy had “BOB MARLEY” tattooed across his forehead.

But he’d done it himself.

In a mirror.

So it was backwards.

There's really nothing I can add to that...
(, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 12:59, Reply)
Men's Nipples
I had my nipples done in 1994 at In2U in Farringdon, excellent.

I took them out with two pairs of pliers in 1996 when every single tedious cunt the length and breadth of the country started having them done. I'm neither a chav nor an attention whore emo fuckwit.
(, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 12:46, Reply)
dont watch dirty sanchez whilst fucked
especially if you are in the middle of doing work on your house and there are nails/hammers and various other work related shit lying about.

if your fucking stupid like me you will end up with a nail through your hand.

my dad was not happy the next morning when he saw the blood covered coffee table with a hole in it. also he did not approve of the blood covered me with a hole in it.

hospital is not all that fun.
(, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 12:20, Reply)
The world is full of bad tattooists
I used to work with a girl who had a big picture of Morrissey tattooed on her shoulder.

The tattooist had helpfully written "Morrissey" underneath, which was necessitated by the fact the picture was shite and made him look like he had motor neurone disease.

She also had a tongue piercing and the bar was too long, meaning she sometimes got it caught between her two front teeth. This made me be a little bit sick in my mouth.
(, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 12:15, Reply)

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