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This is a question Body Mods

This week we hand the honours over to DippyFi, who asks:

"Got your girlfriend stuck on your Prince Albert? Had an argument with your tattoo artist mid-tattoo? Piercing mysteriously dissolved the cartilege in your ear? Or worse: decided to pierce yourself while you were drunk? Go on, I wanna hear all the gory details!"

The closest I've got to body piercing was when a friend stuck a sodding gardening fork through my right hand. It wasn't a good look to be honest.

(, Thu 30 Nov 2006, 23:02)
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This question is now closed.

Oh dear . . .
I must admit I don't have a thing for tattoos/piercings, but I have noticed a couple of things over time, in those who come in for surgery:

1. Tattoo on belly: unless that belly is not going to sag (and it's never symmetrical), bulge or otherwise follow the laws of gravity . . . don't, just don't.
2. Tattoos on arms (the tribal circumferential ones) - if I have to cut into that arm to fix a break, I ain't going to make sure I sew the ends together so that the tattoo lines up, OK? Swelling and bruising make this a wee too much after spending a couple of hours plating a bone.

More observations:
Babies with earrings - why oh why? Did bubs ask for the piercing? Was it their first request on emerging from the womb? "Hi Mum and Dad - nice to meet you. Could you put a couple of holes in my ears please - I'd feel so much better . . ?"
Pets with the same - don't get me started, I'm already sounding like an old fuddy-duddy . . .
(, Wed 6 Dec 2006, 0:44, Reply)
Not getting it done, having it removed...
Haven't read many of these (sorry I usually do) so don't know if anyone has done one of these yet...

I was into tats n piercings in a big way in the early 90s (in fact my A level Art coursework was all about body modification through the ages). Had the obligatory earful of piercings and nose done 3 times but didn't get my nipples done as I was a bit of a wuss. I did have a couple of tattoos done though. First was 28 days after my 18th birthday (my tattoo bloke wouldn't do it any sooner even though I'd been working with him from 16 drawing flash for him) - a rather twee heart being pierced by a rose on my left shoulder blade. Then 6 months later as payment for some work I'd done for him he did a winged unicorn jumping through a rainbow with pretty planets and stars the length of my upper left arm that I'd designed.

No trouble, no pain, healed lovely. Then I met the bloke I thought I would be with forever and he hated them. Thought they made me look cheap. So I agreed to have them removed.

Ever had a cigarette burn? Imagine that pain but for seconds longer and going in deeper. That's what each blast of the laser felt like. With no anaesthetic except a couple of paracetemol beforehand. 386 times on my arm, 176 on my shoulder each session. One session a month for 18 months. And it cost me a fortune.

Moral of the story is never do anything for love as it probably isn't.
(, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 23:00, Reply)
my 18th birthday i got my ears pierced and tried to get a tattoo.
but the tattoo place was closed. few weeks later on halloween i got it on my right arm. my dad has yet to find out i have these.

my sister knows someone who used to drink several cans of coke every day. there was so much acid in her body the skin on her ears corroded the metal in her earrings. true story.
(, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 22:54, Reply)
I always wanted a tattoo when I was little
I think this tattoo fetish stemmed from an incident when I was six. Those transfer tattoos that you put on with water were all the rage at my school at the time and we just called them "tattoos" - thus this was my understanding of what a tattoo was. Unfortunately these things are rather poisonous if you're thick enough to stick them in your mouth, and my mum got on her high horse and wrote a letter to the headteacher about it. Thus they were banned and any shred of popularity I may once have had evaporated.

Altogether now:

Grandmasterfluffles' mum is a big fat bitch
She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world
She's a stupid bitch if there ever was a bitch
She's a bitch to all the boys and girls!

Anyway, because my mother so heartily disapproved of them it immediately became my life's ambition to get a tattoo.

Fast forward four years....

It was the Christmas fair at school. This was an event whereby we all brought our pocket money into school and squandered it on silly little toys to raise money for the PTA. Lots of fun. And this year, there was a stall selling temporary tattoos for 10p a pop. Remember, this is what I thought a real, permanent tattoo was.

I had to have one.

I bought a really cool, pretty, kickass orange and yellow dragon, locked myself in the bathroom as soon as I got home from school and applied it to my left bicep. I pranced in front of the mirror posing for several minutes and felt thoroughly pleased with myself. After a while, it dawned on me that I really wasn't going to be able to hide my new adornment from my mother forever. I was going to have to tell her.

So I told her I had something extremely important to talk to her about. We sat down in the living room. I must have looked terrified. I told her that I'd got a tattoo, and showed her my kickass dragon. Her reaction was priceless.

Okay....I'm not angry.......just.... Tell. Me. Where. You. Had. That. Done.

So I said, "Well, I bought it at the Christmas fair", whereupon she laughed like a mong, told me my little dragon was very pretty and educated me as to what a REAL tattoo involved.
(, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 22:48, Reply)
Thick skinned
I have all of 9 piercings. Including 3 in my navel. Number's two and three and my right nipple were particularly painful as the guy had MAJOR issues getting the needle through my skin. So, rather than a second of pain followed by the endorphin rush it was more like 45 seconds of torture. It also wasn't too fun as when pulling the ring of my second navel through he caught a few chest hairs. That one also took a year and a half to heal - in fact, it was still healing when number three already had done over a year later.

No more piercings for me. I've run out of places to get done.
(, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 22:07, Reply)
Right, I have my tongue pierced (done twice in the same spot), my eyebrow pierced, my nose, & both my ear-lobes (ex-multiple times), & I've just now pierced an ear again, above the lobe, but below the cartillage - which it is pressing on now - & it hurts like a bitch.

I even went to mummy to get her to push the stud through fully - I was promtly told to fuck off & get out of her house.
So had to proceed, & recieved a satisfying 'crunch/pop' as confirmation.

But, yes, pierced my nose & ears myself - once tried to pierce a nipple too, which didn't succeed.
& bar the ear I've just pierced again, none hurt too much, or went green/custardy.
So, to conclude a shitty cherry-popping post, it's more fun to do it yourself...
& I'm now in a stabby mood, any suggestions on where to pierce (other than my jugular)?

I'd pierce my penis, but my socks would rub on the wound.
(/poor, yet obligatory length joke)
(, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 21:19, Reply)
Football pain
I had my nipple done in the 1st week of uni, and then had my eyebrow done about 3 months later. Waited the time alloted for healing and then went to play football down the park.

1st cross in - i go for a header, remember I have my eyebrow pierced and lean my head back, only for the ball to catch a glancing blow to my nipple ring - Pain

2nd ball in - forget about eyepbrow ring, go for angled glancing header, ball sails into back of net, eyebrow ring connects with skull, splits skin. I look like i've been punched by Tyson. Took 3 months to heal and I still have bad scars.

Now let that be a lesson you all...
(, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 20:39, Reply)
not strictly gone wrong but...
my first tattoo (took up lower quarter of my back) I had lasted four hours, starting at 11 o'clock in the morning (would NOT advise this) resulting in me waddling back to the car and whimpering whilst taking ten minutes to put on my seatbelt. Also imprinted beautifully onto my new top, dispite being wrapped up like a sarnie in clingfilm (also not advised as i later found out)... Oh and dont tell your dad about this newly aquired tattoo when he's distinctly told you for the past 18 years not to get one, at least untill its healed, they seem to be amazingly accurate in where to give you a congratulatory slap...

Also had a garden fork in my head when i was 8 apparently the idiot who threw it was practising javelin while i was sat minding my own business making daisy chains... as you do, no hospital, no drama just my head being stuck in a freezing sink for half an hour, so if my head were ever to be shaved i would have four beautifully aligned scars across my crown...snazzy.
(, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 20:27, Reply)
I don't know why, but that search brings up a website where you can buy organic meat and veg.

Anyone with any ideas, answers on a postcard, preferably with a pigs ear attached, both pierced with a pin (see? Still on topic!)
(, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 20:00, Reply)
kid tattoo
I grew out of the inclination to draw on myself when I was about 10, but whatever works.

A friend of mine though, does kind of like tattoos. So much so, that when he was on holiday in Tunisia (I think it was), he allowed his son to get one.

His son is 7.

Fair enough, it was a henna one, and his lad was dead chuffed with it.

He's still chuffed now, at 9. The tattoist seems to have muddled up his inks, and his 'henna' tattoo seems to have become a bit permanant.

Parent-Teacher meetings are a bit awkward now.
(, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 18:58, Reply)
ok not a body mod, but it might make some of you want to be sick
my ex had a crab ladder
(, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 18:00, Reply)
I told me mate that I've had an extra cock added to my personnage.
Plus it hurts like fuck when I wank with it too.

He said "Pull the other one."

Boom boom.
(, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 17:02, Reply)
Pandora Peroxide
I beg to differ. I just googled "grim amateur porn".


Only one result, not millions. But I'm pretty sure that piercing is involved so I'm still on topic...

(, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 16:52, Reply)
Men who have pierced body parts are better prepared for marriage.They've experienced pain and bought jewellery.

(, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 16:42, Reply)
I wont go into too much detail
but I'd just like to reccomend that b3tans with prosthetic arms avoid the practice of "fisting".

(, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 15:59, Reply)
Naked tattoo
Imagine my surprise when I walked into the tattoo parlour to find that the artiste was a stark naked 36DD blonde writhing in a vat of oil. "Come and fill me with your stiffness!" she moaned.

I had meant to go in the chemist's next door!
(, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 15:53, Reply)
strange but true
I had a rather elaborate block of text tattooed at different points on my body:


"GO TO 1 HOUR 28 MINS INTO THIS GOOGLE VIDEO AND watch experts and michael meacher show how thermite was used in the controlled demolition of the TWIN TOWERS ON 911


"The WTC buildings collapsed at free the fall speed of gravity, 8.4 seconds (10 floors per second). To collapse at "Free fall" speed means that the falling building pieces had to crush concrete, shear steel bolts, and brake welds and fall just as fast as a rock dropped off the side of the building that hit nothing but air. Impossible without explosives. Each floor hit would have significantly slowed the fall! "


"The South Tower (Building #2) fell after 1 hour; the North Tower (Building #1) fell after 2 hours.The Meridian Plaza burned fiercely for 19 hours and never collapsed. The Madrid fire in 2005 burnt for 24 hours looking like a torch and never collapsed.

Yet Scientific American, October 2001 said "The WTC was probably one of the more resistant tall buildings..they just don't build them as tough as the World Trade Center"s

NORAD successfully intercepted off course and suspected hijackings 100% of 67 times during the year prior to 9/11 (AP, 8/13/02), each time in under 20 minutes. An Air Force F-15 "scrambles" to 29,000 feet in 2.5 minutes, normally intercepting in 15 minutes. Yet on 9/11 they were four failures for over an hour each -- three after they knew the planes were high-jacked and intended mass murder. Please read, "Crossing the Rubicon", by Michael Ruppert, which indicts Richard Cheney for his involvement in the war games that diverted our interceptors from stopping the high-jacked airplanes. Contrast this to Condoleezza Rice's statement from her May 16, 2002 press briefing, "I don't think anybody could have predicted that these people would try to use an airplane as a missile, a hijacked airplane as a missile". (See Fox TV broadcast plot 6 months earlier) "Condoleezza Rice was the top National Security official with President Bush at the July 2001 G-8 summit in on Genoa. "


This was where U.S. officials were warned that Islamic terrorists might attempt to crash an airliner into the summit, which prompted officials to close the airspace over Genoa and station anti-aircraft guns at the city's airport".

"The specifics of the fires in WTC 7 and how they caused the building to collapse remain unknown at this time."- Federal Emergency Management Agency. Chapter 5, Page 31, May 2002

The investigation of the WTC "is a half-baked farce." - Fire Engineering Magazine. Jan 2002

All of the important evidence from the disaster was destroyed, illegally, and before the investigation was even concluded, some before it began! - Fire Engineering

$600,000 was spent investigating the WTC collapses vs. $40 million on Clinton's sex life.The entire 9/11 Commission only spent $15 million while all expenditures on Clinton's indiscretion exceed $65 million.


Building 7 at the WTC, 47 floors, steel, and constructed differently from the twin towers, fell at 5:30 but it was never hit by an airplane, had no significant fire! The fires were not long enough (only 1-2 hours) to harm the steel. Yet days later, there were "hot spots" in the building that still exceeded the maximum temperature possible from jet fuel - but not from explosives.


The concrete was encased in a steel framed pan yet clouds of finely pulverized concrete and steel beams came shooting out of the buildings for up to three times the width of the building at hundreds of miles per hour - only possible with explosives.

If the force of the falling building is strong enough to pulverize concrete then the bolts and rivets would have to hold beyond that force - and then give way. Yet the force to pulverize concrete into fine powder is greater than the force that sheers or stretches steel bolts and rivets. It cannot be both ways.

Both impacts and fires in the Twin Towers did not hit the center of the buildings. That means that only two sides of the building were harmed at most and two sides were structurally sound. Building 7 had no impact or significant fires. Yet all three collapses are perfectly straight down. Only the tops of the Towers should have fallen over, not the entire building all straight down, just like a controlled demolition.

"I'm still to this day amazed that he [alleged pilot on Flight 77] could have flown into the Pentagon," according to the hijackers pilot instructor. "He could not fly at all." Yet, "The steep turn was so smooth, the sources say, it's clear there was no fight for control going on. And the complex maneuver suggests the hijackers had better flying skills than many investigators first believed."


NATIONAL COMMISSION ON TERRORIST ATTACKS UPON THE UNITED STATES, Public Hearing, Friday, May 23, 2003 : Mr. Mineta: "There was a young man who had come in and said to the vice president, "The plane [Flight 77] is 50 miles out...30 miles... 10 miles out" - Cheney knew this plane was coming at Washington and the Pentagon and yet no planes had been scrambled to protect Washington after over 1 hour since the WTC was attacked. Even at 400 miles per hour, it takes over 7 minutes to travel 50 miles, more since the plane was at altitude. Cheney knew the plane was coming when it was even farther away since Mr. Mineta had not been present when Flight 77 was first reported to Mr. Cheney. They had known this flight was missing for over an hour after the first plane crashed into the North Tower. There should have been an umbrella of F-16 and other aircraft over Washington, DC. An F-16 fighter can travel 50 miles and destroy a target in less than 2 minutes. Moreover, pictures released by the Pentagon show anti-aircraft missiles firing at an aircraft much smaller than a 757. Everything failed! Incompetence, if not guilt.

"On August 6, 2001, just over a month before 9/11 and during the "summer of threat", President Bush received a Presidential Daily Briefing (PDB) at his Crawford, Texas ranch, entitled Bin Laden Determined to Strike in the US The August 6th memo focused entirely on the possibility of terrorist attacks inside the US. In testimony before the 9/11 Commission, Condoleezza Rice, National Security Advisor to President Bush, stated to the 9/11 Commission that she and President Bush considered the August 6th PDB as just an historical document and commented that this was not considered a domestic warning. At this 9/11 hearing, Condoleezza Rice had taken an oath to tell the truth to the Commissioners. [Perjury!] "Additionally, according to the 9/11 Commission report, chief White House expert on terrorism, Richard Clarke, sent Rice an urgent memo just days after she took office stressing the severity of the terrorist threat. She did not respond. Although the national security leadership met formally nearly 100 times in the months prior to the Sept. 11 attacks . . . terrorism was the topic during only two of those sessions. The first meeting that dealt with al Qaeda did not occur until 9/4/01." Read the 9/11 widows letter on "Kindasleazy" Rice.

Rice lied that they did not anticipate hijackers using airplanes as weapons yet FEMA's cover image depicts just such an attack!

I am also appalled by the media. A Zogby Poll I commissioned reported that 66% of New Yorkers want the 9/11 investigation re-opened and 49% believe government VIP's knew ahead of time and did nothing to stop it. The New York Times thought it NOT "news fit to print". I had to pay for an advertisement to get it in the New York Times! "



anyway...back in reality....have you seen how fit Dean Gaffney looks in Heat Magazine this week!
(, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 15:46, Reply)
Jesus Christ Frankspencer...
What the hell has your self-indulgent wank fodder got to do with the question?

I come here for laughs, not grim amateur porn. There are thousands, no, millions of sites dedicated to that... so if a wank is what you want, join one of them and stop making everyone here feel uncomfortable.
(, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 15:11, Reply)
My twopennyworth
Love body mods - started late though, in my early thirties. Peircings for wimps - stretching your earlobes kills, even when it's done a millimetre at a time - I'm now up to 1cm. I haven't over done it though, i always think less is more when adorning yourself in any way.
People who think were all weirdos or attention seekers could not be further from the truth, (although there are a few who fit into this catagory). I love the way i look and it makes me feel good about myself.
No horror stories though because I'v been careful and think everything through before starting. I't took me 20 years to decide what to have tattooed the 1st time.

The world is a brighter and more interesting place with people like us walking around.

1st post! I feel a little bit dirty now.
(, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 13:26, Reply)
Cinderella tattoo (more tenuous pron)
I once knew a girl who was as hot as a girl can be: beautiful, curvy, a maniac in bed and with some intelligence, too. One night she picked up some guy in a pub and they had the most wild sex they'd ever experienced. SHE ejaculated.

The morning after, the guy was gone and the only reminder she had of him was a hand-print in chocolate on the sheets. She couldn't remember his name or where she'd met him, but she had an idea.

She cut out the handprint from the sheet and took it to a tattoo artiste, who tattoed an exact facsimile of the hand on her right buttock, just where the juicy swell of it met her thigh. Her plan? As with the glass slipper in the Cinderella story, she would search for the man of her dreams by inviting any likely candidate to lay his hand over the tattoo in an attempt to find an exact match.

Night after night, she would approach men in bars and invite them to the toilets, where she would drop her pants and invite him to fondle her ass. One problem: it was one of her most erogenous zones and the mere touch of a hand there send electricty to her loins. She'd start moaning and writhing and in no time she'd be full of thrusting man meat, leaving the cubicle with juices running down her lovely thighs. Or she'd ask the guy to kneel in front of her to place his hand ... and wind up twitching on his tongue.

She must have gone through most of her town before she realised that she didn't really give a toss anymore about finding her perfect guy. She was having too much fun.

Then one day a guy approached her in a bar and told her he'd once had the best lay of his life, but lost the girl. Would she mind coming to the lavs and puttling her slender hand around the handprint tattoed on his rock hard tool? No problem.

In no time she had a mouth full of cock and they were preparing to go for the doggy option ... when he grasped her hand tattoo in such a way that, even though she couldn't see it, she knew he was the one. This was confirmed when she let forth a bestial moan and a jet of ejaculate gushed from her parts to douse his swollen nuts.

"My prince!" she may have yelled.
(, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 13:24, Reply)
The music hurt my ear(s)
I wear five earrings in my right ear. Once during an orchestra concert I had 50-odd bars rest (a couple of minutes-worth) and, being tired from lots of blowing, held my flute upright on my lap and leaned my weary head against it. Earrings and flute keys mingled. Try to move. Oh dear. Have to play solo line in x seconds and flute is stuck to ear. Shit, ouch, bastard thing, etc.

I did manage to yank it free in time, but at the price of a painful bleeding earlobe and wobbly G and G# keys (hence an even more painful wallet).
(, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 12:41, Reply)
not really intentional, or a mod but you get funny looks
Earlier this year I ran over my left arm while snowboarding (i still have no idea how). I now have a scar that looks like I have tried to slash my wrist. People always look at you with caution when you put your hand out for change and they see what looks like slash marks across your wrist.
(, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 11:21, Reply)
My friend’s ex-bf had many piercings, including 32 in one ear alone and a HUGE flesh tunnel in the other! He also let his friend practice tattooing on him as he wanted to start up his own tattooing business, what a nice man!

Anyway, one day we were in the pub and the bf came back from the loo and whispered something in my friend’s ear, causing her to stop speaking (not something that has happened before or since!!). Friend excuses herself and heads off to the loo. After a few minutes she comes back and says to bf:

“well I haven’t got it, it must be in the bed somewhere”.

It turns out bf had lost his Prince Albert so the obvious explanation was that it had been sucked up into my friend’s obvious orifice! Yuck!!

I never did ask if they found it!
(, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 11:00, Reply)
The ugly dolphin
I heard the story of someone who had a dolphin tattooed on her belly. She was of the, err, chav persuasion, and consequently became pregnant. Apparently, the dolphin became a whale as the baby developed, and never returned to its original bottle-nosed, grinning shape after she sprogged.
(, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 10:49, Reply)
I was considering..
a tat of a heart made of barbed wire on my bott, as my bloke was going to have a rose tat as a mutual commitment thing.
It would appear I would have been stupid to do this, so lucky me. Bit sad though.
(, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 10:33, Reply)
When I was at uni... oh no, that was last week.
(, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 9:43, Reply)
The chicken king
You know in "The Scorpion King" where The Rock is stabbed with a spear impregnated with scorpion venom and thereafter carries the blood of the scorpion within him? Well, I was cracking chicken bones to make a stock last week and a splinter of bone shot into my thumb. It went septic before I could pull it out with tweezers and now I am destined to always carry the blood (or bone marrow) of the chicken within me.

Not a piercing, but who else out there is a Chicken King, eh? Who else?
(, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 9:37, Reply)
Oh wait!
I DID go through a huge life-altering scarification ritual to celebrate a rite of passage:

It's called childbirth and I have a huge fuckoff scar from my fourchette back into the meat of my left buttock from having Destructo-Boy. His head was 39 cm 'round. The doctor saw about a palm's worth of head as I was pushing and turned away to put on her gloves. Then, >POP< Destructo's head spanged out all at once.

Took two years to heal to the point sex wasn't teethgrittingly painful.
(, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 5:06, Reply)
Kinda Self Mutilation?! With animals
Lived in Africa for 8 years from the age of two, some of it on a farm. Went to stroke one of our dogs one day... turns out it was a wild hyena and after a while realised I was dinner.

Bit my hand, I smacked its nose and my mums mate had to take me to Hospital in his Mercedes with white leather interior... hand out window me balling my eyes out all the way!

Still have teeth marks in my left palm and a zebra style scar pattern near my wrist. Used to be really prominent, but I've grown arm pubic hair now!

My b3ta posting cherry now fully taken!
(, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 3:36, Reply)

This question is now closed.

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