I always wanted a tattoo when I was little
I think this tattoo fetish stemmed from an incident when I was six. Those transfer tattoos that you put on with water were all the rage at my school at the time and we just called them "tattoos" - thus this was my understanding of what a tattoo was. Unfortunately these things are rather poisonous if you're thick enough to stick them in your mouth, and my mum got on her high horse and wrote a letter to the headteacher about it. Thus they were banned and any shred of popularity I may once have had evaporated.

Altogether now:

Grandmasterfluffles' mum is a big fat bitch
She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world
She's a stupid bitch if there ever was a bitch
She's a bitch to all the boys and girls!

Anyway, because my mother so heartily disapproved of them it immediately became my life's ambition to get a tattoo.

Fast forward four years....

It was the Christmas fair at school. This was an event whereby we all brought our pocket money into school and squandered it on silly little toys to raise money for the PTA. Lots of fun. And this year, there was a stall selling temporary tattoos for 10p a pop. Remember, this is what I thought a real, permanent tattoo was.

I had to have one.

I bought a really cool, pretty, kickass orange and yellow dragon, locked myself in the bathroom as soon as I got home from school and applied it to my left bicep. I pranced in front of the mirror posing for several minutes and felt thoroughly pleased with myself. After a while, it dawned on me that I really wasn't going to be able to hide my new adornment from my mother forever. I was going to have to tell her.

So I told her I had something extremely important to talk to her about. We sat down in the living room. I must have looked terrified. I told her that I'd got a tattoo, and showed her my kickass dragon. Her reaction was priceless.

Okay....I'm not angry.......just.... Tell. Me. Where. You. Had. That. Done.

So I said, "Well, I bought it at the Christmas fair", whereupon she laughed like a mong, told me my little dragon was very pretty and educated me as to what a REAL tattoo involved.
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 22:48, Reply)