As a child
Every Ralph Steadman children's book there was.

They gave me a taste for both the bizarre and the wonderful world of illustration and art, as well as later leading me on to Hunter S Thompson and beyond. I don't think I'd be the well-rounded, vaguely twisted b3ta-bod I am today without them and their legacy.

I still have these books for my future kids, and have supplemented them with what I reckon are the modern equivalents, The Day I Swapped My Dad For 2 Goldfish and The Wolves In The Walls, both by Neil Gaiman and Dave McKean.

In terms of grown up books, I hurtled through the reading material at school as a child because it was all so INCREDIBLY awful and I wanted out. I was the first in my year to complete the requisite reading, and a year ahead at that. Why? Because sitting on the shelves of the library, which we weren't allowed to borrow from until the curriculum books were finished, was a copy of The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe, which I was DESPERATE to read after finishing Hitchhiker's earlier in the year at my parent's.

That one did a lot of shaping too...
(niceandwarmandhot vive la résistance, Thu 15 May 2008, 17:50, Reply)

To Kill a Mockingbird - RUINED BY THE NATIONAL CURRICULUM
I'm sure that lots of you have had to read To Kill a Mockingbird for GCSE English Literature. I too had the joys of this. The mong groups got Of Mice and Men, we got TKAMB.

Previously though I had fallen behind majorly in years 8 and 9 which actually turned out to be a problem with my brain which manifested itself into a full blown Brain Haemorrhage by the time I was 14 - but back then people just thought I couldn't be arsed, and they were right. I really struggled to cope at school so mum hired a private tutor to help me with English and Maths

My private tutor introduced me to TKAMB when I was 12 years old. She didn't give me chance to read it properly though before we started the task of disecting each paragraph; looking for uses of Irony and Symbolism etc. We were ripping the book apart before I had even had a chance to read it properly and understand the story. When I was 12 I knew little about the KKK or the racial tension so I struggled to make sense of it. the constant disection and essay writing took its toll and I soon lost all interest in the book.

So when I discovered that I would be disecting it AGAIN for GCSE year 11 I was gutted :o( Ten page essays on the u"se of irony in a single paragraph etc". This is when I had returned to school following the Brain Haemorrgage and I was struggling to say the least. I got an E for the literature part which I was impressed with.

So now when people rate it as one of the best works of literature ever, all I get are images of hot stuffy classrooms, cramp in my wrist and biro stained mouth :o(
( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Thu 15 May 2008, 17:49, 5 replies)

I'm going to post one which I reckon a lot of people are going to go "of course!" about.
The Dungeon Masters Guide, by E. Gary Gygax.

My first game of D&D was when I was seven years old and my mum insisted my siblings let me play, mainly to keep me out of her hair. I didn't have a clue what was going on, but I was at the age when I was reading Narnia and the Hobbit and the idea of being able to play the books as a game just clicked with me. I read everything that Gygax put out as soon as I could get it, and got all my schoolfriends into the game I'd discovered.
I spent a lot of my teenage years and early twenties gaming and painting lead figures. I met friends and socialised with them, I met several girlfriends.
As I've grown older I've gamed less but the skillsets I got from games have stood me incredibly good stead, even years later. I run my own company and from RPG's I've learned problem solving and conflict resolution skills. I can think on my feet in business situations and I can point to at least one specific instance where an idea I've had as a result of the skills I gained gaming has changed the way people do business in my sector of the industry.
Whilst I don't work in the RPG 'industry', a lot of the business ideas I have and the things I do have at least some of their roots in my childhood hobby.

People talk a lot about the benefits of roleplaying. Being able to relate to the positions of others and understand their motivations is a valued skill in a service-led economy. Companies charge huge sums of money for business roleplaying, and executives go on retreats to learn how to project themselves into the shoes of others. Me? I've been doing it for most of my life as a hobby.

Without Gygax, I wouldn't have got any of that. Without Gygax's books, the RPG industry probably wouldn't exist, and without that probably the field of MMORPGS wouldn't be there either. Without D&D, chances are the fantasy renaissance of LOTR, WoW, Pratchett and more probably wouldn't have happened.
Without Gygax's writing, I'd not have got half my business skills and a large amount of my spare time-fillers.

I met him, once, back in 2000.
I bought him a pint. I reckoned I owed him one.
(davywavy, Thu 15 May 2008, 17:48, 2 replies)

Dennis L. McKiernan
His Iron Tower Trilogy turned me on to the whole fantasy genre. I know that many people think Iron Tower Trilogy is a rip-off of LOTR, and it is, but because I read Iron Tower first I think it's better.
( setimret likes his metaphors mixed, not stirred, Thu 15 May 2008, 17:48, Reply)

Most Recent:
Jolly Jack's Sequential Art Book. This is what comics SHOULD be, with real stories and interesting characters. Brings to mind (old) Doonesbury, (the original) Bloom County and Liberty Meadows (when it's good).

Please, JJ, publish more!
( setimret likes his metaphors mixed, not stirred, Thu 15 May 2008, 17:44, Reply)

A mixture of sci-fi and Diskworld for me I'm afraid
Read alot of film novels to start (which is not the best way to go), although AVP:Prey was a fair cut above the rest (and definately should've been done for the film compared to the actual gumpf on DVD at the mo).
A friend of mine introduced me to Discworld and I borrowed "The Colour of Magic" and "The Light Fantastic"; after trying to stick with LOTR it was nice to get a story which took a daft approach to it all, while remaining a good read. I guess it allowed me to see things with a different perspective more easily, which probably explains most of my b3ta posts :p Btw "Interesting Times" and "Monstrous Regiment" are awesome reads :D

Another group I started reading after this was The Brentford Trilogy by Robert Rankin, highly enjoyable books. Reminded me (only a bit) of the old times I used to spend working in a pub, excellent stuff.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Thu 15 May 2008, 17:34, 2 replies)

The Very Hungry Caterpillar...
... is basically my bible.

It taught me about butterflies, which are kick ass. It taught me about the days of the week. It taught me how to count. It taught me that gross weird looking bastards turn out to be amazingly pretty.

But most importantly it taught me that binge-eating is fucking awesome. Particularly combining salami and cherry pie.

For this glorious education in hideous amounts of food and eating until you feel sick, I salute you, you hungry little caterpillar.

(In other news, it's been 21 years and I've been eating as much as possible and I'm still not a butterfly. I'm beginning to think it was all a clever lie.)
(thants, Thu 15 May 2008, 17:31, 5 replies)

I read rather too much
My Dad seems to collect books, not helped by living close to Scarthin books, which if you know it needs no explaining. Our house resembles the paramilitary wing of the British library. Old books on history, technology, university text books, more history, Chairman maos little red book (complete with a page that was ordered to be torn out)...I think I could build myself my own house with them, and it would turn out the size of Buckingham palace.
In particular were the WW2 novels and sci fi. I used to read the former a lot, probably influencing me looking at the forces as a career. Then I realised it is nothing like in the books.
I now enjoy a lot of sci fi. Arthur C Clarke obviously, Anne McCaffrey (I've read her books so often they must be nearly worn out). Heinlein is OK occasionally, but I find a lot of his plots getb a bit formulaic-in particular the universe full of deadly, super hot nympho women. Of course, this did provide a spot of early teen wank fodder, as seems to be a recurring theme on here.
Haynes manuals are quite handy too. Oh, and Terence Dicks Dr Who novels-first got me into Dr Who, and to be honest I prefer the books to the original series, though that is pretty good. The books have better pictures.
( Greenbat, Thu 15 May 2008, 17:30, Reply)

Growing Up
There's a book that changed the way I think quite significantly. And it'll probably surprise you.

"War and Peace", by Leo Tolstoy.

Yep, that one. The 1500 page monster. The same size as two whopping Harry Potter books put together. Now, how could such a book change my life?

It was after I read it. I was fifteen at the time and was a bit of an outcast. Partly, this was because I was the "smart" one in class, the one with great grades. Partly, it was because I'd not really figured out the social side of things, how to talk to people properly. Partly it was because I was still figuring out whether I liked boys, girls or both. But mostly it was because I was highly intelligent, knew it, made sure other people knew it - an arrogant smug little shite with a superiority complex the size of Belgium. I boasted, I bragged, I made myself out to be much more than I am. I suspect if I encountered my past self I would take great pleasure in administering a kick to the teeth.

So I read War and Peace. I didn't read it because I thought it would be interesting, or because the story/idea fascinated me in any way... I read it because it was the largest, most intellectual book I could find, I wanted to be able to say that I'd read War and Peace all the way through. It took me three weeks, and I was bored as hell by the end.

What a pretentious twat, you might think? You'd be right. I was.

And after I read it, that was the first time I realised it. And thought...

"What the fuck was I doing? I've just wasted three weeks of my life reading a book that I got nothing from and I did it purely to impress people. Who probably wouldn't care anyway. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?"

That moment was one of my growing up moments. And it hurt, like looking in the mirror and seeing exactly who you are. And not liking it one bit. Self-hatred is not a pretty thing, and it's a lot worse when it's completely justified.

Trying to change something that had been second nature to me for a long time... took a long time. Takes continual work, and it's still not finished. But that was the turning point, the day when I realised that there are a big load of things in life more important than being clever, or making yourself out to be brilliant.

Today I read things because they look fun. I read fanfiction. I read comic books. I read books from authors I came across on Random Page on Wikipedia that looked cool. I read webcomics. I try not to give a crap what other people think of me.

It's an ongoing process, but I'm so glad I learned when I was still a teenager. Otherwise... I don't think I'd like the person I'd be today. Not one bit.
(calamarain just invented dehydrated water, Thu 15 May 2008, 17:28, 1 reply)

The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat and other clinical tales.
By Oliver Sacks. The book presents a fascinating insight into some very very weird neurological conditions humans can suffer. The title refers to a man with 'visual agnosia' which rendered it impossible for him to recognise familiar objects or faces. According to the book the man literally tried to put his wife on his head.
(Errorist, Thu 15 May 2008, 17:28, 2 replies)

The Bible
Upon reading it, I discovered Christianity was a steaming heap of bollocks and gave it up. My sinful life is much more fun.
( Queen of Cheesecake, Thu 15 May 2008, 17:27, Reply)

Iain Banks
The Crow Road, a pretentious smart-arse (but ultimatley lovable uni student) slowly uncovers dark family secrets. I read this at a time when I had just moved to a new town for uni, and everytime i went home my mum (recently divorced form dad) seemed to start telling me all these tales about her life with my dad when they first met, my dads side and her quaker side of the family . It turns out i have a more interesting family than i thought. Its still probably my favorite book of all time, the whole tone and pace of the book is perfect.

Look Windward and all the other culture novels. It turns out reading books set in a futuristic galaxy spanning utopia makes you sick of being stuck here living a short brutal life on a planet where human life doesn't seem to be valued very highly. Sounds stupid i know but they have kind of turned me into abit of an anarchist.
(american badass Papa's got a brand new beef bag, Thu 15 May 2008, 17:27, 6 replies)

Life-altering? I can think of one.
"Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" by Robert Pirsig. I firmly believe that it should be required reading.

To give you the general thrust of the book: he looks into why we have such a divide in our world between people who understand and are comfortable with technology, and those who long for a simpler life that doesn't involve cars that break down or computers that crash. At the time it was written the hippie movement was in full swing, so it was a very important thing to look at.

He starts out with the two major mindsets in people: those who look at systems and can understand them and appreciate their logic and complexity, and those who prefer to look at the surface of things and appreciate their beauty and leave it at that. He refers to the former as the Classical mindset and the latter as the Romantic. Neither is wrong, both are valid ways of looking at the world, yet they're almost diametrically opposed. How did this happen? What causes this?

In one word: Quality. I will recommend that you read the book yourself for an explanation.

Ultimately the root cause of this is the subject-object oriented world we live in, where we see things as individual things rather than seeing them as part of the greater whole, and technology reinforces this view. But it's not the fault of technology, it's the attitudes of the people toward it that is at fault. Go too far into loving technology and methodology and you lose sight of the world around you; go too far the other way and you get lost in a confusing maze of things you don't understand.

I read this book at the age of 15 and recognized myself in the description of the Classical mindset. Since then I've worked very hard to have balance and stay in tune with the rest of the world as well, and to remember that the past exists only in our memories, while the future exists only in our plans. What's here is the only reality there is.

That's why I'm seen as too structured by the purely artistic and idealistic sort, while my fellow engineers look at me as a weirdo hippie freak.

I wouldn't have it any other way.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 15 May 2008, 17:27, 6 replies)

Illuminatus! trilogy
By Robert Anton Wilson & Robert Shea

If Foucault's pendulum is Dan Brown for grown ups

The Illuminatus! trilogy is Dan Drown for anarchist hippies. Chock full of conspiracy theories that would make Mulder run for the hills

It's a combination of philosophy, science, religion, and occultism. But also drugs sex and rock and roll. It seems to take it's self very seriously one page then launches into teenage boy like descriptions of sex on the next.

It's disjointed & confusing, kind of like taking magic mushrooms at a festival. But boy does it make you think. every time I re read it I find somthing else

It's an amazing book
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 15 May 2008, 17:23, 6 replies)

The Outsider by Albert Camus
Once I overcame my resentment at being forced to read it for my French A-Level, this book totally changed the direction of my life (or rather the English translation did, the French containing too many difficult words, such as 'le').

At 17 my priorities were not to have my head shoved down the toilet and avoiding being stabbed by the assorted gangsta-rap enthusiasts and Kevs (this being South London in the 1990s, there was no such thing as a 'Chav') who populated the school, rather than Philosophy or deep thoughts.

But the razor-sharp attack on religion, morality and the law blew my mind wide open. I had long suspected that something was fundamentally wrong with the world and its people (getting the shit kicked out of you for 13 consecutive years of schooling tends to have that effect) but I finally saw it written in words I could understand.

I won't bore you with a synopsis of the plot, but a (mostly) innocent man, who may be autistic, is executed not for his crime, but for not fitting in, and not behaving as society expects in circumstances that have nothing to do with his crime. He is too simple to understand that people will consider him a monster if, say, he doesn't cry at his mother's funeral. He doesn't see social rules or morality, all he sees is things as they are.

Does he see less than other people, or does he see more?

Kant it ain't, but for an unhappy 17-year-old it was a means of intellectual escape from the Drum n' Bass and modified Vauxhall Nova world of which I never was a part. I went on to study Philosophy at university, meet some awesome people and converse on a level I never before though possible. I have a good job and a wonderful girlfriend. In contrast, at least 3 of my classmates (out of 20) are in prison now, and one only has 1 1/2 lungs after being stabbed by one of the others. I met one of them the other week working in Argos.

I win.
(Axeman Jim, Thu 15 May 2008, 17:20, 3 replies)

My forthcoming book
"Question Of The Week - The Best of B3ta."

Watch this space.

But not your mailboxes for royalty cheques. Oh no.

(unless you click this then I'll consider you again)
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Thu 15 May 2008, 17:20, Reply)

Iain M Banks
I only relatively recently discovered Banks through reading the excellent Wasp Factory. However it was when I read Consider Phlebas that the his genius hit me.

I am a big sci fi fan but pretty particular about what I like. After reading Neuromancer and the Dune series I thought nothing I subsequently read would ever come close. Happily I discovered Bank's SF novels involving his utopian race 'The Culture'.

Never so much have I wanted to be transported into the universe presented in the book. If you like sci fi his books are a must.

EDIT: just realised I've totally copied Sittingduck's entry below. Apologies.
(Errorist, Thu 15 May 2008, 17:17, 3 replies)

Kids Books
I've always thought that many of the best books out there are (supposedly) children's books. I've still got my faves from my early years. My top book that also introduced me to the magic/fantasy genre was Alan Garner's "Weirdstone of Brisingamen". Written in the early 60s, it manages to bridge the real world and the imaginary, allowing all sorts to flow between the two.
I first met it in the 70s when I was about 11-12 and it alternately amazed me and scared me shitless - the escape through the cave system in particular. I later picked up the Tolkien hobbit (yeah, weak), but this book is special to me.
I got the chance to visit the place in Cheshire at the centre of it all about 10 years ago, and found it to be the epicentre of the "Footballers' Wives" culture - Alderley Edge. Bollocks. I hoped for a traditional country town and got the only branch of Gucci I've ever seen in real life, plus specialist shops for the super-rich. It was worth it, however, for the freaking out I got when I found that the cave system actually exisited.
Brrr....
If anyone's interested, Alan Garner's other book "The Owl Service" is bloody good too.
(Naughtius Maximus Stuck on the blog, desperate to log out., Thu 15 May 2008, 17:11, 5 replies)

To Kill a Mockingbird
I don't think any other book i've read has even come close to how close i felt to the world contained on those pages.
(CptCoatHanger performed his last back-street abortion on, Thu 15 May 2008, 17:10, Reply)

I can't remember the title
but it was a book about programming the ZX Spectrum that my dad brought home from the library.

Never mind the fact that we didn't own a spectrum (nor any computer at all), I found it fascinating. So much so that I learnt to program BASIC without the aid of a computer, which led me to where I am now...

I do technical support, write programs, occasionally design websites, and spend the rest of my time buzzing around in company vans and cars trying to fix shit old computers for no money.

Thanks dad.
(Half of Stephen Fry's right buttock pissed on your dog on, Thu 15 May 2008, 17:09, Reply)

Calvin & Hobbes
That mischievous little boy and his toy tiger are my favourite "I'm not feeling well and I'm going to bed" books.

Lighthearted, funny, and (in my opinion) well illustrated, they relax me. Make me forget whatever horrible bug is overloading my immune system.

I've got my kids reading them as well now. Another generation suckered into enjoying books.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Thu 15 May 2008, 17:07, 4 replies)

Iain M Banks Consider Phlebas
Even though was (am) a geeky nerd boy I found most Scifi (like Asimov Clarke, Heinlein) dry and boring.

I was a big fan of Iain Banks since the wasp factory so had to read his latest offering even though it was scifi. I loved it and then I really really loved the next two (player of Games & use of weapons)

So I went back to the "boring old writers" and found out I was very wrong they are ace well apart from Heinlein cos he goes on and on and on and on about fuck all page after page ;o).
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 15 May 2008, 17:05, 4 replies)

Magical Stories of Mystery and Suspense.
There was one a big yellow excavator called Digg-Digg. And thus all my stories on my camping holidays began. I only ever wanted one short story, that of Digg-Digg. The story goes like this: Digg-Digg was a very old, very worn out digger. She had a mean owner that used to kick her and abuse her in various ways, until one day, Digg-Digg realised her handbrake had been left off, and she was rolling away, down the large hill that the farmer lived on and towards freedom.

There wasn't a lot more to it than that, but my Grandad sent me the book Digg-Digg was in, and it conjoured up warm memories of the New Forest. To this day I think "Digg-Digg" when I see an excavator.

Oh, and "The Beginner's Spellbook" or some New Age rubbish. I don't know where the book went, but that got me into lots of Pagan hippy stuff. I still prefer Digg-Digg.
( Bats, Thu 15 May 2008, 17:04, Reply)

The Lovers Guide and various
I was 14 when I discovered The Lovers Guide and various other 'better sex' books under my Fathers side of the bed. And being a latchkey kid I was able to access them on a fairly regular basis.

If I'm honest, I used them for wank material initially. The pictures and descriptions of various positions easily aroused my young loins, before they became desensitized by the ease of access to internet porn as I got older.

After a while though, I started to take notice of what was actually written in the books, to enjoy my own masturbatory explorations more. I'd use the "wank to the point of cumming and then squeeze the glans" technique repeatedly to build up a better orgasm, in the process training myself not to shoot my load to soon. I read about how to arouse a woman; the erogenous zones, how to caress nipples perfectly, how to perform oral sex correctly, how to pleasure a woman with my fingers and so on.

By the time I lost my virginity at 18 to my first girlfriend, I was a master of all things sexual and got to actually put them in to practice. I'm not going to even try to rival FrankSpencer or Chicken Lady in my descriptions, but I brought her to orgasm with my fingers, then my tongue and then during intercourse. Of course with all the 'squeeze technique' I'd been doing, I lasted for bloody ages as well. Too long (you know, when 'it' starts to go numb). It was a bloody good sex life we had. Life changing.

The GF and myself split up a couple of years later, young love and all that, and I went through a very depressed period. But what I didn't realise was how much girls talked. Throughout our relationship she'd been telling all of her girl friends how great I was in the sack. She moved away from the area not long after and all of a sudden I had 5 or 6 girls all vying for my attention! Smurf had never been so popular! So I let them take turns (I know that sounds incredibly cocky, but I was only 20!). It was one of the best periods of my life. I actually got tired of having sex in the end. Mainly because some women can be really greedy. You give them an earth moving orgasm with your tongue and they give you a half-hearted blowjob in return.

Anyway, I'm beginning to ramble. So thank you The Lovers Guide for ensuring that losing my virginity wasn't a fumbling, quick and regrettable experience, but an amazing experience for both of us. Also for providing me with a sexual education that they could never teach you in school!
(Big Smurf Brush me daddy-O, Thu 15 May 2008, 17:02, 8 replies)

The Water Babies & Narnia...
As far as I remember, these are the first books to have a major impact on me.

I have no idea of what age I was when I read either, but I know now that my young brain utterly failed to understand any deeper meaning or actually learn anything from them.

They did, however, set my imagination racing and gave rise to new fictional worlds even farther removed from reality than those I already had in my head.

Having grown up in a small village, with the freedom to explore as far as my little legs could take me; the very real adventures I shared with my brothers and friends became even more fantastical and (in my mind at least) would take place anywhere but the small corner of Wiltshire where I lived.
( Moey, Thu 15 May 2008, 16:56, Reply)

Give War a Chance by PJ O'Rourke
I was loaned a copy of this by an otherwise uninspiring and slightly twatty English teacher at the tender age of 12. In a whisker under 300 pages it changed my outlook on life completely.

Essentially O'Rourke (he turned up in some BA adds years ago but otherwise does not appear a great deal in Europe) in Rightish wing journo. The book is a collection of articles written in the period from the fall of the Berlin Wall through to Gulf War 1. The subject matter is secondary to the life lessons I gleaned from it.

Don't take anything seriously. A disaster is a disaster whether you put on a serious face or not. O'Rourke in this very tome notes that "Earnestness is stupidity sent to college." There is humour in any situation and as you are most likely boned anyway you might as well laugh at it.

That contrary to the enormous propaganda machine aimed at schools at the time (and probably to this day), it did seem to be possible to mix a little drug use with being a relatively respected member of society. I actually failed in this balance myself but it doesn't mean I assume you will too.

That sharp, well written prose is a magnificent thing. I love literature (save DH Lawrence who was and remains a twat) but I maintain the last paragraph of this book, describing flying over a Bedouin village at 8 feet in a Hercules is one of the finest committed to print.

And finally that nothing changes. The book is nearly 20 years old, yet the cast of Bush's, Ortega's, dour Russians, "special" relationship touting PM's and people who believe that in caring more that you do that the focus of their care will somehow get better, is virtually identical.

Length? A long flight or train journey ought to see you most of the way through.
(Leonard Hatred briefly did some work on, Thu 15 May 2008, 16:54, 8 replies)

A Child called It, The Lost Boy, A man named Dave
There a loads of books that had an impact on my life but I'll start with this one.

A harrowing tale if I ever I read one. I picked up a hardback copy of the Dave Pelzer trilogy from a shop in Melbourne. I started to read it on the train back to Frankston and had already shed a little tear by the end of the 1st chapter. This book inspired me to be the best father that I could possibly be, to care for my son as best as I could and protect him from anything. I love my boy - he's the best thing that ever happened to me (as well as meeting mrs spikeypickle).

The final book, A man named Dave, made me realise that no matter how shit life might be at times, with a bit of effort, determination and the right people around you, anything could be overcome.

I consider myself very lucky to have parents who treated me right, are still married after 30years,are still madly in love (they hold hands walking down the street!) and did everything possible for myself and my sister. They still do and have extended their love to their grandchildren - my laddy and my 2 nephews.

Dave Pelzers tale changed my life by making me realise just how lucky I am to have such a wonderful family

As a little afterthought, I actually read this before Noah was born but still think of this book whenever I look into his little brown eyes, kiss his little chubby cheeks and nibble his little chubby arms.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Thu 15 May 2008, 16:52, 1 reply)

Neris and India's Idiot-Proof Diet
Not only has it helped me to drop two dress sizes, but also to understand why I headed for the cake whenever bad things happened.

Now I just eat cake because it's cake, and because it's nice, as some of you well know. But I don't eat a whole one in one sitting any more.

Cake anyone?

*passes carrot cake round*
*has learnt to share cake*
*is proud*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 15 May 2008, 16:50, 5 replies)

Landmark books of my adolescence
Despite being restricted by a ridiculous degree of paternal strictness, one of the few liberties and indeed pleasures I enjoyed in the family home was the complete freedom of my father's collection of books.

1985: Adolf Hitler: My Part In His Downfall - Spike Milligan

Aged eleven and thoroughly bored within a few days of the start of the school summer holiday, I sauntered into our spare room, which contained a seventies style pine bookcase - complete with sliding glass doors - in search of adventures anew.

Dad's collection of pulp science fact didn't hold my attention for very long, despite being full of conjecture about how humankind would be colonizing space and somesuch.

What I eventually found was my very first "grown up" book. I remember seeing the name "Spike Milligan" and I knew that he was very funny, so I lifted it from the shelf, sat on the sofabed that summer afternoon and began to read, which sparked a lifelong admiration for the unique humour of Spike Milligan.

AHMPIHD was probably quite inappropriate reading for an eleven year old, but the sheer absurdity of Milligan's verse and zany sketches had me laughing uncontrollably within minutes of pouring over the pages. I can still piece together the sentence which tipped me over the edge:

"On September 3rd 1939, a man called Chamberlain, who did Prime Minister impressions announced that we (I loved the "we" part) were at war with Germany. The people next door panicked, burned their post office books and took in their washing"

For the next five weeks, I read, reread and laughed out loud. The book itself turned somewhat dog-eared as more of the sligtly yellowed pages freed themselves from the hardened binding glue and tumbled into my lap.

Very few people can make silly humorous to both a child and an adult audience. Milligan pulled this off with aplomb.

1988: The Songs Of Distant Earth - Arthur C Clarke

Arthur C Clarke was a very remarkable man, a visionary even, credited with the invention of the communications satellite and several other items of fictional technology which have become commonplace today. His gift was his ability to convey these new worlds he created to a wider audience, beyond the stereotypical nerds and geeks who traditionally lapped up science fiction. Reading Clarke opened the mind, instead of battering it with geekspeak and crass technobabble, part of this was due to his visions of the future being distinctly Utopian, despite occasional brushes with catastrophe. According to Clarke, the future would be largely benign and not without opportunities for dry wit. Fine by me.

His style was broadly similar to Issac Asimov (who I discovered much later), although my biggest criticism of Clarke was the fact that his characters seemed to be so two dimensional and wooden, as if purposely avoiding stealing the scene from the storyline. Perhaps it's no coincidence that the most widely explored character of 2001 was indeed the computer HAL himself.

Songs of Distant Earth changed that somewhat. With the backdrop of an extraordinary tragedy, the likes of which eclipses anything yet envisaged by Hollywood's disaster genre, a doomed love affair begins to blossom between the book's two main characters, one of whom is already married.

There are some not very subtle references to homosexuality in amongst the pages, but perhaps the most obvious theme echos that of loss of innocence, akin to that imagined when small island communities played unexpected host to sailing ships from Europe hundreds of years ago. The parallels between the book and the story of the Mutiny on the Bounty are obvious and somewhat heart wrenching.

1993: Skinny Legs and All: Tom Robbins

While Milligan would be zany and Clarke a visionary, Robbins is unquestionably an artist, both in the fine craft of painting a picture with words and with an imagination the size of a planet.

In early 1993, I was recovering from a prolonged bout of teenage depression which had stifled my emotional development somewhat. I discovered the sheer literary decadence of Robbins works as I began to see the world in colour again, a combination which was utterly intoxicating for me.

My references to colour and art are intentional, for one of the themes of Skinny Legs and All is the fickle world of commercial art and the richly depicted descriptions of ditzy, redneck, intellectual and fanatical characters. The central human characters of the book are two newlyweds, she an artist on the cusp of "making it" and he a hairy arsed welder with a Winnebago sporting crudely welded turkey drumsticks on either side in an effort to win the heart of his new wife.

However, this simply does not do Robbins justice, for his imagination managed to marry the world of art together with the perennial Middle Eastern question (challenged in a uniquely mischievous fashion) and indeed religious iconery itself thanks to one of the characters being an ancient, sacred painted stick.

Robbins writing had the power to take me from being aroused on one page to being awed and thoughtful on the next, yet this roller coaster ride never fell into the trap of overpowering the senses and leaving you feeling bludgeoned. A stint of Skinny Legs and All never failed to paint a wry smile on my face as I turned the corner of the page and closed the book.

Mischievous, bawdy, challenging and hugely intellectually rewarding.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 15 May 2008, 16:49, 5 replies)