My favourite book of all time
is Mary Shelley's Frankenstein.
I've never empathised or related to a character as much as I did with the monster, he's literally the most human creature in the book. He's impulsive, fragile, weak and desperate to find love, or even just the acceptance of his own father.

It's beautifully written, with a more claustrophobic, gripping atmosphere than any other book that I've ever read, and contains at least four occasions where Shelley uses what is now one of my favourite phrases, '...the monster's countenance was tumultuous with rage.'
I don't think rage has ever been so elegantly put.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 16 May 2008, 9:48, 52 replies)

Wow
there is a sensitive side to you after all Mr Monkeysex. Where have you been for the last week?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 16 May 2008, 9:51, closed)

W*rking
like some kind of demonic c*nt.

Why am I self-censoring today...?

*rubs al with his sensitive side*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 16 May 2008, 9:52, closed)

I've been busy this week too.
But you'll be pleased to know that we have been missed, there was a very long thread on wednesday night in which Kaol and Chickenlady talked about us and how the discussion was getting considerably more highbrow without us.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 16 May 2008, 9:59, closed)

Awwww...
shucks, I've never felt so special.

I should like to smoosh that chickenlady and Mr Kaol, they love our tone-lowering capabilities. B3ta wouldn't be the same without us.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:02, closed)

^^
*gives love*
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:05, closed)

Morning CHCB
how was the camping? Did your fella sort out his "engine trouble"?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:08, closed)

Hello Mrs!
How the devil are you? Did you enjoy your camping trip earlier in the week...?

@al Jinx touch Wood!

*gets funny looks from Wood*

*James Woods, that is*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:08, closed)

^ you two....
are *special* :o)
I'm finishing off Hannibal Rising (now there's a character with whom I empathise) and have been wondering what to read next. Mary Shelley's Frankenstein is on one of the shelves but I've never got around to it yet. I trust your judgement Bertie, so I'll give it a go.
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:09, closed)

@Tourette's
Who in their right mind would trust my judgement..?

Hannibal is a great character, I loved Red Dragon, but it's a shame the film stinks.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:11, closed)

I haven't read Frankenstein
since I was a wee thegeordie, but I did watch the Kenneth Brannagh version on the telly a few years back and enjoyed it so should really read it again. I'm currently reading the latest Iain M Banks with occasional breaks into a collection of Poe's tales and poems.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:12, closed)

@sexmonkey and al
Camping trip was ace, thanks. We got caught poaching by the gamekeepers and rolled around in a meadow full of buttercups. All very idyllic.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:12, closed)

Manhunter is a much better
adaptation of Red Dragon than the recent version. It's not as faithful to the book though (that said, I haven't seen the latest film so I have no idea how faithful it is).
(Bazongaloid, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:13, closed)

@ Bert
I don't trust my own judgement so I couldn't imagine yours being any worse....

@ CHCB
Glad you had a good trip m'dear x
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:15, closed)

Got to be careful
rolling in the buttercups. You could get a bee sting on your mimsy.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:16, closed)

I tried to watch Manhunter
but couldn't get over how 80s it was. The soundtrack alone was terrible!

Red Dragon was pretty faithful to the story, but obviously they had to leave out some of the sexiest bits.

@CHCB rolling around in buttercups had better be a euphemism for cake sex.

@Tourette's my judgement is second only to my wirting ability. :)
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:18, closed)

@ al
Yes, Manhunter was super. Very close to the book - the guy who played Will Graham was exactly how I'd imagined him in the book, and Brian COX's portrayal of Hannibal made Tony Hopkins look like a pink fluffy kitten.
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:21, closed)

Saw some goats on telly last night....
and thought of you Bert & al :o)
It was just after Heroes.
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:23, closed)

REALLY?!
Describe these goats to me, I need a fix.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:24, closed)

I'm not sure what cake sex is
but I think I want some.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:27, closed)

This is for CHCB



In case you didn't get it, it's a buttercup to remind you of your fun camping trip in case you feel sad over the next week or so.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:28, closed)

If you want cake sex
talk to happylittletulip. Or Kaol. They do it in a cave you know.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:29, closed)

oh al,
thank you!
Buttercups stain clothes, by the way. At least that's my excuse for taking mine off.

I will be sure to enquire about the cake sex, but I've discovered Kaol has many other interesting sex ideas too. I might lend him some of my knives. (Cake knives, obviously.)
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:31, closed)

Cake sex can be whatever you want it to be.


*fucks a blancmange*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:31, closed)

Did the buttercups
Not stain your skin yellow?


My blancmange!! Bad sexmonkey.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:33, closed)

^^
*imagines CHCB with yellow arse*

*smiles*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:35, closed)

Sorry POD
You can have it back if you like?

I'll just have to scoop this meringue out from around my testes.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:35, closed)

*wipes blancmange off his mouth*
Bert, I was eating that.

Or was that the point, you naughty little scallywag.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:36, closed)

There were 3 goats....
but not Billy Gruff. They all looked very happy, so no troll involved. Damn, it was a trailer for something but I can't remember what. Sorry Bert :o/
I can assure you of their horny goodness though!

*sniggers like a loon*

*ponders whipping up some Angel Delight*
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:37, closed)

No
I think you should perhaps just keep it.

This always seems to happen with my cake.

*weeps*
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:38, closed)

Don't worry about it T,
just the mention of my four-legged friends was enough for me.

@al and PoD eat my whisked egg white!

*huuuunnnnhhh!*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:40, closed)

@ PoD
There there petal...

*pats PoD gently on the shoulder*

You can have some of my Angel Delight.
Is caramel ok?
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:45, closed)

Argh, my brain!
I no longer know what is innuendo and what isn't!!

Oh noes!
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:47, closed)

Thanks to K2K6
I have imagined CHCBs buttocks in a field of buttercups and with the wonders of computer painting technology I have presented it for the rest of you to enjoy.


(Bazongaloid, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:48, closed)

@al
It looks like conjoined fetuses in frogspawn!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:51, closed)

Now I am aroused
by frogspawn. Thanks Bert.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:51, closed)

She appears
to have undergone some sort of anal bleaching process...

And I think the buttock yellowness needs to be increased. In my mind, at least.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:52, closed)

The anal bleaching
was intentional. I'm glad you spotted that.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:53, closed)

Got to dash
I'm visiting the new school where I start work on Monday, to meet an autistic boy.

(Reduced time on b3ta - BOO!)

(Increased household income = more beer & wine - HOORAY!)

Have a good POETS Day folks!
(Piss Off Early Tomorrow's Saturday)

*waves and blows kisses*
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:53, closed)

Ta-ra Tourette's!
*catches kisses and puts them in pocket to rub on cock later*

:D
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:55, closed)

*rubs cock on Bert*
*cock become enraged and pecks me*

*chokes chicken in furious rage*
(Bazongaloid, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:56, closed)

@al
would you say that your countenance was tumultuous when you're choking the chicken?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:58, closed)

It certainly
sounded a bit like tumultuous.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 16 May 2008, 11:08, closed)

Morning all!
So glad to see that the tone has been lowered so quickly. Keep it up...

I'm working from home today so probably won't be around much. Bloody business cases that need written.

Arse.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 16 May 2008, 11:10, closed)

@D's G
Pfft. Keep it up.

I'll keep it up alright.

Minus the right.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 16 May 2008, 11:16, closed)

I've missed you Bert
it's not the been the same without your rapier quick wit to liven up my working days.

That said, I have been at least 100% more productive this week than I have the last few!

Morning DG!
(Bazongaloid, Fri 16 May 2008, 11:22, closed)

@al
You owe me for a new sarcasm-o-meter. :)

Tell me about it, I've actually been doing work all week, what's gone wrong with the world?!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 16 May 2008, 11:30, closed)

Sarcastic?
Moi?

don't know what your talking about.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 16 May 2008, 11:34, closed)

Aaaargh!
Now my sarcascilloscope has gone off the scale!

*asplodes*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 16 May 2008, 11:37, closed)

@the latest picture of buttercups
*faintly*
oh dear lord... if you want a pic of my ass I can always post one. I've just worked out how to use the self-timer on my camera phone. The lighting isn't very good but the CHCB-current-squeeze seemed to approve.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 16 May 2008, 16:10, closed)

Go on then, CHCB
I dare you.

I tried to do this a while ago, but after several efforts realised that I don't even have a bum.
It's not even a tush, it's barely a tu.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 16 May 2008, 16:14, closed)

huh
you'd only draw monstrous cock'n'balls all over it.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 16 May 2008, 16:25, closed)

Draw?
Surely you mean smear?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 16 May 2008, 16:50, closed)