slightly off-topic
I was once chatted up by a chap who, on discovering I was doing a degree in English Lit, stared at my chest for a good three or four minutes without speaking and then said :

"I like books. You can, like, learn stuff from them," in a broad Stoke accent.

I had to admit that this was true.

I left about five minutes after that.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 16 May 2008, 13:46, 23 replies)

So, errrm
pictures? Just so we can really get a handle on the story and how it happened obviously.
( Bazongaloid, Fri 16 May 2008, 13:47, closed)

Dear al
Are you sure it's the story you would like to get a handle on?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 16 May 2008, 13:49, closed)

Did you remain stationary throughout
or did he follow you around for 3-4 minutes staring at the little devil dumplings?
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Fri 16 May 2008, 13:49, closed)

Yes
It was a crowded bar. I was trapped. Feel sorry for me.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 16 May 2008, 13:51, closed)

*heaps sympathy*
happylittletulip-ward
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Fri 16 May 2008, 13:54, closed)

*offers sympathy cake
knowing it's the right thing to do*
( Bazongaloid, Fri 16 May 2008, 13:54, closed)

Don't be too hard on him...
... he might have been from Fegg Hayes.


(I was in Tesco in Stoke a while ago. A girl was browsing the books; her chavvy mother saw this and yelled, "You can't have any more books. You've already got some!" Happy days...)
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 16 May 2008, 13:55, closed)

ooh, cake!
You all know me so well.

Half a slice and I'm anybody's.

Enzyme - he was from Chesterton...
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 16 May 2008, 13:56, closed)

Oh bloody hell
Enzyme that is one of the funniest, yet saddest things I've ever heard.
( Bazongaloid, Fri 16 May 2008, 13:57, closed)

"I left about 5 minutes after that."
You waited til he had come..?!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 16 May 2008, 14:09, closed)

@ Bert
Yeah, he brought some Battenburg with him so I could hardly say No
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 16 May 2008, 14:13, closed)

Well that's fair enough
it was Battenburg after all.
( Bazongaloid, Fri 16 May 2008, 14:15, closed)

EARWAXCAKEOFDEATH

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 16 May 2008, 14:20, closed)

Earwax wot?
I don't geddit
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 16 May 2008, 14:51, closed)

I don't
think he likes Battenburg.

I always knew he was a deviant. This just proves it.

*sodomises a monkey*
( Bazongaloid, Fri 16 May 2008, 15:22, closed)

I don't know Battenburg.
Does that make me an ignoramus?

*spot-welds shaved rottweiler to a taxi cab*
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 16 May 2008, 15:54, closed)

Battenburg
is the food of the gods.

Lovely pink and yellow sponge cake cut into long rectangular slabs, stuck together with raspberry jam, wrapped up in marzipan. Yum!

It's a rectangular cake (okay, cuboid) which when you slice it has a checker board (or is that chequerboard?) appearance.

Here! www.sunshinerecipes.com/battenburgcake.shtml
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 16 May 2008, 16:02, closed)

dear Loon
Battenburg is almost the best cake ever. It's so pink and yellow and marzipan-y. Please try it. Or gaz me your address and I'll mail you some.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 16 May 2008, 17:23, closed)

Battenburg cake
is the invention of Satan! Or was is Santa? Either way, it's repulsive.

Sorry

*slopes off to kitchen for a calming slice of victoria sponge*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Fri 16 May 2008, 17:29, closed)

@ WeeWitch
I'm ashamed of you. Victoria Sponge is the most boring cake ever. It's like the vanilla dvd of cake. It's practically bread and butter.

Oh god, I'm obsessed aren't I.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 16 May 2008, 17:36, closed)

I can't have chocolate for another 24 hours
so vicky sponge it is. It does have rather striking icing though - I overdid the food colouring so it's not pink, it's PINK! With lovely butter icing in the middle, too.

*nyom nyom*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Fri 16 May 2008, 17:57, closed)

I'm just back from London
And I had Battenburg cake for breakfast today.

That and a glass of vodka/orange juice.

The breakfast of champions.
( Cawl, Fri 16 May 2008, 18:13, closed)

Ah, the breakfast of champions
It is a little known fact that Sir Edmund Hillary and Sherpa Tensing breakfasted on vodka, orange juice and Battenburg cake every morning of their ascent of Mount Everest.

It is also a well-kept secret that Sir Edmund wasn't too keen on the marzipan bit of the Battenburg cake, so he would pick it off and give it to Sherpa Tensing. Which is how Sherpa Tensing got to the top first, because he'd eaten more sugar, and hence had more energy.

I'm at work AGAIN. Thank god for work cake and work coffee.

No-one's going to read this, are they. Bum.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Sat 17 May 2008, 10:20, closed)