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This is a question This book changed my life

The Goat writes, "Some books have made a huge impact on my life." It's true. It wasn't until the b3ta mods read the Flashman novels that we changed from mild-mannered computer operators into heavily-whiskered copulators, poltroons and all round bastards in a well-known cavalry regiment.

What books have changed the way you think, the way you live, or just gave you a rollicking good time?

Friendly hint: A bit of background rather than just a bunch of book titles would make your stories more readable

(, Thu 15 May 2008, 15:11)
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b3ta in relevant-to-exam shock!
Today I took my last final exam at uni - 3 hours of despair to write a 600-word essay in Italian on one of the topics listed on the paper. Of the 8 on there, there were only two I knew I could answer well, and one of those was "What books do you think everyone should read, and why? What makes a book 'necessary' reading?", so I mentioned a lot of lists and how everyone has different opinions and talked about intelligent stuff like history and how important it is to read Anne Frank and Primo Levi (always mention Italian examples), as well as stuff like the Koran so we better understand the other cultures in the world and know that Muslim doesn't mean "will kill you as soon as look at you".

And now I am technically not a student, for I don't study any more. Does anyone in the South East (preferably Kent or easy access in London) need a receptionist/tea lady/office clerk who speaks French and Italian but can't drive?

EDIT: I'm actually slightly more concerned that this may mean the man who set the paper is a b3tan, but it would explain a lot...
(, Wed 21 May 2008, 21:11, 35 replies)
You're hired!
I could use someone with a modicum of intelligence who fancies speaking to some rather rude italian and french publishers (you don't speak any german do you?) on the phone and helping them understand why their order is 15 minutes later than they asked for.

There's also the opportunity to learn some swedish from me if you want to, with the assistance of my slightly crazy swedish paper merchant.
(, Wed 21 May 2008, 21:42, closed)
^ Damn!
I wish something like that would happen to me...
Don't happen to need a graphic designer/biologist/health and safety officer do you?

Anyway, congratulations on finishing your exams Ms Maladicta!
(, Wed 21 May 2008, 21:52, closed)
Missed a trick there...
What about the B3ta book of sick jokes?

Everyone in MY house has read it!
(, Wed 21 May 2008, 22:00, closed)
If you know photoshop/acrobat professional reasonably well and are willing to learn about operating and maintaining Xerox printing machinery, working to impossible deadlines and standards, then I could use a graphic designer as well...
(, Wed 21 May 2008, 22:19, closed)
Next week's (well, tomorrow's) question:
What's your dream job?

Do you need a job?

Do you have a job available?

Use b3ta as a job searching site for one week only!"

(, Wed 21 May 2008, 22:27, closed)
@ Vulcan15
I have A-level German but I've not used it for years, so I'm a bit rusty, and I've always wanted to learn Swedish :)
(, Wed 21 May 2008, 22:29, closed)
@ r2b2
I don't know what "big book of sick jokes" is in Italian :( or else I'd have used it!
(, Wed 21 May 2008, 22:30, closed)
Well, I've sent
Vulcan15 a message...

This is odd. I guess on b3ta anything is possible...
(, Wed 21 May 2008, 22:52, closed)
anybody need
an illustrator?
(, Wed 21 May 2008, 23:02, closed)
Did the message contain your CV?
In 5 years time B3ta will own Reed and Fish4jobs.

5-1 again, £5, same deal?
(, Wed 21 May 2008, 23:02, closed)
There're only so many magic thingies I can deal with...
(, Wed 21 May 2008, 23:11, closed)
you're not meant to mention the magic thingies, that's why I didn't.

Shock factor, duh.
(, Wed 21 May 2008, 23:12, closed)
I've changed
(, Wed 21 May 2008, 23:14, closed)
Am I missing out on something here?
(, Wed 21 May 2008, 23:18, closed)
Me too. :D
*high fours*
(, Wed 21 May 2008, 23:18, closed)
@ Chickenlady
Tequilas? Who mentioned anything about tequilas?
(, Wed 21 May 2008, 23:18, closed)
You've changed it!
Is this all part of a crafty plan to take over the world by slipping us all some tequila flavoured cake?
(, Wed 21 May 2008, 23:23, closed)
No plan at all.

*grabs lobotomiser*
(, Wed 21 May 2008, 23:25, closed)
It's all about the cake... Sugary goodnessy cake!

Eat up, tubs.
(, Wed 21 May 2008, 23:28, closed)
Have I slipped into a League of Gentlemen hole here? Or is that some dastardly plan you've hatched with PJM to ensure fuel prices will go down?
(, Wed 21 May 2008, 23:30, closed)
'cause you will be by the time we've force fed you all the cake :D
(, Wed 21 May 2008, 23:31, closed)
Human fat
The ultimate bio-diesel.
(, Wed 21 May 2008, 23:33, closed)
Human fat
Now there's a thought.

That's where I thought they'd gone wrong with the Doctor Who episode with the little fat people - we'd welcome them with open arms. Just think of it, everyone would be slender and maybe more inclined to do a bit of exercise once they'd shed all the little people. I'm sure that's how Katie Holmes feels most days.
(, Wed 21 May 2008, 23:37, closed)
This is why
I should be the Minster For Science.
(, Wed 21 May 2008, 23:38, closed)
Apart from the fact that in the end, the people dissolved and turned into 100% little fat creatures. Cute as they may be, I don't think people appreciate dying too much.
(, Wed 21 May 2008, 23:43, closed)
@ Belgaer
Oh, that's a minor point. I'm sure Kaol in his capacity as Science Minister could sort that out.
(, Wed 21 May 2008, 23:44, closed)
you have a point... But then he'd sort of be a politician and we wouldn't be able to trust anything he says.

Well, we can't trust anything he says not but when he becomes Minister of Science or whatever it is, we'd have a reason not to trust him.
(, Wed 21 May 2008, 23:47, closed)
But I'll always
Be a b3tard.
(, Wed 21 May 2008, 23:52, closed)
Does being a b3tard make you
(, Wed 21 May 2008, 23:55, closed)
Good point...
You'll have to take my word for it.
(, Wed 21 May 2008, 23:59, closed)
It's a pretty crap job really. And you'd have to come through London, get on a train and come to the wrong side of Oxford...

On the plus side, four out of five office staff are b3tans! And a few of the printing staff are as well.
(, Thu 22 May 2008, 8:57, closed)
how does your office ever produce anything!
(, Thu 22 May 2008, 9:46, closed)
I bet there's a small window of work opportunity
in which they do everything in under an hour, once a month.

If they gave up b3ta they could rival Microsoft.
(, Thu 22 May 2008, 9:50, closed)
once a month?
No I think it's every Thursday morning before the QOTW changes. That's when I get my work done.

Oh hang on.
(, Thu 22 May 2008, 9:55, closed)
Oh...that makes me sound like an old crusty university lecturer or an old Colonel.

*Twiddles moustache*

*Lights pipe*
(, Thu 22 May 2008, 10:03, closed)

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