Breakin' The Law'I'd taken some mushrooms in a pub,' writes Allen Smithee, 'and things had got a bit odd. People turning into goblins, barstools into toadstools etc. I wandered off from my friends and found myself in a carpark. I noticed a huge liquorice allsort driving towards me and Bertie Basset got out. I kinda realised that Bertie was a policeman and my brain went into paranoid fast forward. I decided that I must be being arrested and said, "I'll just get in the back of your car, Officer" Bertie looked at me with disgust, "Not bleeding likely sunshine. Just piss off home ok?"'
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rob, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 20:34)
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some nutter my mate knowsEx copper and a bit of a loon "Dave" was at his house one night when he was pootling round in his kitchen he looked out the back garden to see torches round by his lock up out the back of his house, he had some nick worthy stuff in there so he calls the local plod.....it went something like this...
"hello can you send a squad car round to ............... as 2 men are breaking into my lock up....I can see them now"
"sorry sir the nearest car is about half hour away" (or something like that"
so dave gets a bit miffed
"Half hour.....they'll be gone in half hour you have to be kidding me right?????" and hangs up
so he ponders about it and rang back after 5 minutes with this...
"Hello this is Mr ........... I rang 5 minutes ago to request a squad car..."
"yes sir and I said...."
so dave drops his bombshell
"no its ok no need to hurry Ive just shot them both with my shot gun"
and hung up......
1 Police Helicopter....Armed response and various other cops were there in about 5 mins
So dave answers the door as they rush round the back and catch the two guys in the act.....?????
Inspector guy says to dave in an angry tone
"you said youd shot them....what the fu...?"
so dave said "who's bullshitting who you said half hour for a squad car"
Genius..................
Totally true story........
honest guv
(, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 12:48, Reply)
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