Try not to break up at Alton Towers
The trouble with Alton Towers, or any big theme park I suppose, is queues. Big long boring queues snaking back and forth to cram as many waiting people into as small an area as possible.

So this is how I came to be fenced in with what must have been 200 people in front of me, another 200 people behind me and railings either side of me on the other side of which were yet more people. Oh joy.

There wasn't much to look at aside from reading the occasional witty T-shirt in the queue. I seem to recall the ride was called the black hole or something like that, so we couldn't even watch the ride as it was inside a big warehouse and we were outside in the cold drizzle that always seems to be Alton Towers weather on my visits.

Imagine if you will that the person you're stood next to is your pear shaped ginger girlfriend and tempers have been brewing all day. This is not the time to decend into a hushed voice arguament ultamatum.

I however did exactly that. So I got a slap round the face, one of those full contact loud snap noise ones that left half my face bright red and stinging while the staring onlookers made the other half of my face equally red.

Trouble was, penned in as I was there was nowhere to go. I couldn't get away from her or the onlookers so had to continue to queue in awkward silence for another 30 minutes until we made it to the ride itself. Praying to get separated and sit on different cars or even different goes on the ride, you guessed it we were ushered to the same car and had to sit pressed into one another on this dated rollercoaster. Awkward just doesn't cover it.

As the screams of excitement from other riders echoed round the dark emptiness I sat in silence, too angry to enjoy the ride or show any emotion at all. Of course the day dragged on even further especially when faced with the obligatory 2 hour drive to get home from there. Yeah I may have been a sod at times but I couldn't just abandon her miles from home.

Seriously don't break up at Alton Towers, it really spoils a day out.
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 13 Sep 2013, 10:59, 11 replies)

did you keep the photo from the ride?

( Ya What Skiddlyboop, Fri 13 Sep 2013, 11:29, closed)

Oh God
I once broke up with someone while driving her home and hit the worst traffic I've ever seen meaning we spent a totally unnecessary extra hour sat in stony, stationary silence together on the M4. But your story is a whole new level of suffering. You poor bastard.
( pineapplecharm D d M Y, H:i, Fri 13 Sep 2013, 11:32, closed)

I shall prevent this from happening to me
by never setting foot in that plebeian cackhole ever in my entire life.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Sep 2013, 11:51, closed)

Good to know that you're better than the rest of us, Monts.
We need someone to look up to, after all.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 13 Sep 2013, 12:47, closed)

I take my responsibilities very seriously.
It may look like fun being this cool, but in reality it's a job like any other.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Sep 2013, 13:00, closed)

*swoon*

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 13 Sep 2013, 13:14, closed)

Yeah.
Best to avoid possibly enjoyable experiences if the lower classes do them.
I take it you avoid sex, alcohol, reading, using the internet, walking in parks, visiting the coast and many other activities for this reason also?
Or, since you're posting here, perhaps you're just a moron?
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Sat 14 Sep 2013, 20:09, closed)

Hahahahhahahaaha
Excellent.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 13 Sep 2013, 12:21, closed)

It couldn't have made the memory of Alton Towers any worse though eh?

( Infidel , shit and wrong, Fri 13 Sep 2013, 12:29, closed)

In my youth...
...I once gave a disciplinary warning to one of my team on a works jolly "team building" day to Alton Towers.

It was shitty management and I got much better at it later on, but at least I had the presence of mind to do it after we'd been on all the rides.
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Fri 13 Sep 2013, 13:16, closed)

i had a very similar experience at alton towers
nobody got slapped though.
the drive home was horrendous, funnily enough i have not been back since.
( amoebaboy chose for death by unga bunga on, Fri 13 Sep 2013, 19:33, closed)