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This is a question Lucky Escapes

Freddie Woo says: Looking back on it, the moment when we left the road because I was trying to get the demister to work, regaining control just in time to miss a tree probably wasn't my finest bit of driving, nor my cleanest pair of pants. Tell us about your lucky escapes

(, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 15:44)
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And this is why mummy left you in a bag on the steps of Tesco.

(, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 8:46, 1 reply)
It's the best way to ensure a child grows up middle-class.
Pikeys leave their crotchfruit on the steps of Netto.
(, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 8:57, closed)
I was left in an artisan basket at a farmers market in Chelsea.

(, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 9:09, closed)
With a baby bottle of organic wheatgrass juice?

(, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 9:13, closed)
One of the most amusing anecdotes I've read on here was the writer being in the Chelsea branch of Waitrose and hearing a child's voice cry
"Oh Mummy! I've spilt cous-cous all over my petticoat!"
(, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 10:00, closed)
This is my kids only it'd be in Franglais.

(, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 10:27, closed)
Posh voices on children legally entitles you to beat them to death.
Allowing them to pick up local accents, however, is nothing short of child abuse.
(, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 10:34, closed)
Leave it, Vaggy.
You're only going to start up the "I don't speak with an accent, you do" argument, which is as stupid as it is perennial.
(, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 10:50, closed)
I prefer the "What constitutes art?" conversation.
Guaranteed lols.

I say lols, I mean "coma".
(, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 10:54, closed)
I have no time for art, anymore.
Entertainment is where it's at - artists can fuck off.
(, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:06, closed)
"What's that? You're a guitarist?
"No you're not. You're an admin assistant, who happens to play guitar in their spare time."
(, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:09, closed)
I'm a guitarist in a rock band
who dreams of becoming a world-famous admin assistant.
(, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:11, closed)
I've been opining on slebbridy culture recently.
They're doing a job. You're a musician? Then play music - we're paying you to do that. You're an actor? Act, then.

You don't idolise an admin assistant because of their filing skills, you don't adore the middle manager for talking inane pretentious balls, you don't scream to have sex with a chippy because he put in that built-in wardrobe so well.

It's very, very silly, slebbridy.
(, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:16, closed)
Stephen Fry had a rant about this at one point as well.
He railed at how the term "celebrity" was basically synonymous with "famous but no-one knows why", and balked at being on the same talk show as someone introduced as "the famous celebrity".
(, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:23, closed)
To be fair, Stephen Fry doesn't really specialise in anything other than having stentorian tones and being friendly but patronising.
At least Keith Richards, Richard E Grant, Brian Cox, Justin Beiber are all experts in their respective fields.

But I still don't know why such is hailed as a reason to wet oneself and throw knickers at them.
(, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:29, closed)
Beiber's management and producers are experts in their field.
The boy himself is incidental.
(, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 13:19, closed)
You'll be telling me he doesn't mean every word he sings, next.

(, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 13:38, closed)
I particularly like how meeja slebs they think the whole world needs to watch their industry back-patting events.
They're about as fascinating as the Double Glazing Annual Awards in Slough.
(, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:32, closed)
This is part of what makes French television so shit.
99% of programmes on after 20:00 are divided equally between chavscum reality TV and talkshows where a bunch of people who apparently make films/music/books/etc. sit around a table, eat sweets and say "Look! You're famous! And so am I! Let's make jokes about our respective careers for three hours as if we were down the pub, and get paid €25,000 a night for doing it:"
(, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:36, closed)
Also ... I know someone whose missus left him for the chippy who fitted their kitchen.

(, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:34, closed)
But you're over it now, right?

(, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:37, closed)
It's a lovely kitchen.

(, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:47, closed)
She's a lovely woman.

(, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:49, closed)
Similarly-ish
I know a plasterer who CLAIMS that on one job he was roped into a threesome with a woman and her husband, which all went terribly wrong when the husband began thrusting his penis into the family dog.
(, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:59, closed)
Reading that back, I don't actually believe it for a second.

(, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 12:00, closed)
Hahahaha
The internet sound of the penny dropping.
(, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 12:04, closed)
Was the dog's name Razzle?

(, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 12:01, closed)
No they stood at the top of the park
Yelling at the dog "come here Readers Wives".....
(, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 12:19, closed)

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