Crouching tiger, hidden flim-flam
I think everyone had a Sarah at their school, she was small, She was blonde, she was pretty, she was thin, she was actually rather clever, although she put on a bit of an act so she didn’t upset the thick-os that surrounded her and hung off her every word. Oh and the most important part… she was e-v-i-l. She went out of her way to mentally destroy girls at my school and most of the time she succeeded.

Regardless of the fact that I was only in one class with Sarah. I still managed to have a few run ins with her. I’m pretty sure the reason I pissed her off so much is because I’d actually stick up for my friends and that was pretty much unheard of. The idea was, if you got picked on by her, you dealt with it and your friends were supposed to disappear when she arrived. Me, well I was too stupid to run away I guess, that and stubborn.

Anyhoo, so I where was I, ah yes, sticking up for people. One of my friends had gone through a shit few months and basically ended up pregnant towards the end of our time at secondary school. She made the decision to have an abortion and was off for a couple of days recovering when it all kicked off.

Standing around in the freezing cold on a muddy field with a hockey stick in my hand I was receiving a verbal bashing by Sarah. Somehow people had found out what my mate was off sick for and Sarah had decided to let me know exactly what she thought of my mate - Apparently she was dirty, she was scum, she probably had AIDS now and was a filthy, horrible person. Now I disagreed with all of those statements and kindly tired to put my point across in a sensible and calm manner when I was twatted in the back of my leg with her hockey stick. I was not impressed but had been brought up not to resort to violence so stood my ground and told her to stop. Thwack. Again, hit on the knee this time which I can tell you hurt quite a bit. Even less impressed this time. I could feel my face getting red and could feel my heart pounding away… was I going to cry? I wasn’t sure… but suddenly everything slowed down, I could see her swinging for me again and this time she was aiming for my face. I’d had enough, I swung my own stick (which she had clearly forgotten I had upon my person) and bashed her stick straight out of her hands, with pretty impressive force I might add! I then proceeded to swing again with amazing precision and stopped centimetres short of her stupid face. I can still she her shocked expression as she was convinced I was going to hit her. Instead I told her to take back what she said and suggested that she shouldn’t shout her mouth off about my friends, strangely enough she agreed with me and she never bothered me or my mate again.

Moral of the story, don’t anger me when I’m wheedling a hockey stick, I have mad ninja-style skillz. (Well not that mad as I didn’t actually hit her, but you know what I mean)!!?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 18 May 2009, 13:30, 7 replies)

Not hitting her
was the most ninja skill of all. Any thug can clobber someone over the head, stopping an inch or two away takes real skill. Or a really bad aim and enough style to make it look deliberate.
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Mon 18 May 2009, 13:45, closed)

Yeah...
...see I knew I didn't want to actually hit her but I think it was more bad aim than skill that I got as close to her face as I did without actually making contact... but just pretend I didn't say that!

Yes, yes, its all about the skill! :)
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 18 May 2009, 13:59, closed)

^this^
I agree wholeheartedly. A correctly halted blow shows discipline, skill and pure ninjosity.

And as there are no comments indicating any other explanation for the proximity I consider it to be all about the skill ;)

A delightful little story and beautifully written, so have a *click*
(Rotimer was micturating windward at, Mon 18 May 2009, 16:48, closed)

Why...
...Thank you.

Maybe I should start up my own martial art school. It could be like kendo, with less skill and less bamboo stick/swords and more hockey sticks and reckless abandonment?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 18 May 2009, 16:55, closed)

Sounds like fun to me...
... where do I sign up?
(Rotimer was micturating windward at, Mon 18 May 2009, 17:02, closed)

Hmmm...
...I'll find a suitable location and get back to you! :)
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 18 May 2009, 17:06, closed)

^
yep, that's what I was going to say.
(xanthine, Tue 19 May 2009, 2:13, closed)