I was bullied at primary school
Worst fucking 5 years of my life from year 1 to year 5.

I had the misfortune to be raised an English catholic, from a lazy arsed catholic family to be sure but that did mean that I got dragged to church once or twice a month.

So fuck you say.

Alas this was central Scotland in the 70s and in their infinite wisdom my parents had decided to send me to the nearest primary school rather than the catholic place a couple of miles away.

A sensible plan you say, considerate even.

And it would have been had not the said nearest primary school been infested with the Neanderthal spawn of a bunch of orange order grandees who proceeded to make my English catholic life a form of terror even Lovecraft would have backed away from as being too baroque.

Oddly it wasn't the beatings, the constant verbal abuse, the creative and imaginative terror being inflicted that got to me. It was having my sandwiches nicked and hurled into a field every day for five years that really grated. My mum isn't a great cook but she can make great sandwiches when she wants to.

Anyway, being wise beyond my years I already knew that complaining to teachers was pointless and that my mum couldn't do much. I didn't even consider asking my dad, I mean how could a mild mannered man like him help? He's not exactly a man of action.

He is however a man of quiet patience and thought.

After I came home one Friday in a particularly bad way even my parents could see something was wrong, the words "fienian IRA cunt" cut into the skin of my back with a biro are usually a dead give-away. I vaguely remember my mother in tears, going to call the police etc I do remember very clearly my dad going very quiet and seeming somehow to grow somewhat. I remember being cleaned up and the sounds of my dad going out, I remember my mother rushing to the stairs and with a very strange voice quietly saying “Doug, don’t!” a mixture of half pleading, half terror with a hint of smothered sob.

Very odd form a ten year olds point of view, and I remember thinking that something very odd had happened. Well more off than having an impromptu tattoo given to you by a gang of thugs. Which by then was only a little bit odd to be honest.

I don’t remember my dad coming back that night, mind you that could have been because I was asleep by 8pm smothered in that horrible pink antiseptic which smells of tcp, Germoline perhaps.

So roll on the weekend and I drag my sorry arse to school on Monday morning full of the Joie de vivre of another day of being thumped, terrified and no lunch.

And I waited.

Nothing, not even a cross word.

This utterly terrified me, I was so scared I threw my own lunch away (it wasn’t a good day at casa 314 and the sandwiches did appear to be crab paste but still). What the fuck did these fucking bastards have fucking planned for me for fucks sake? What the fuck where they going to do to me now? I was a fucking nervous wreck come 3pm and I ran all the way home in a state of wild terror.

Dad comes home at about 6:30ish, looks at me, still twitching as the fear grounded itself. “how was school?” he enquires “ok?”, I nod dementedly as he pottered off somewhere whistling to himself.

Tuesday morning. Nothing.

Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, the week after, the whole month, the remainder of the year, the rest of my time in that fucking shite hole. Nothing. No one ever hit me again, no one was too friendly mind, but no one called me names and life was a lot better all over.

To this day I’ve no idea what he did or even if he did anything. I didn't care, I got to eat lunch, sometimes, when it wasn’t crab paste or that other shimpams filth

Night all.
( edz314 smelled the glove on, Wed 20 May 2009, 19:24, 6 replies)

I bet
he threatened to put the IRA onto them.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 20 May 2009, 19:53, closed)

i must object in the strongst terms possible...
i too was dragged up in glasgow and learned from an early age that surname, school and domicile labeled and divided in an instant, however...

NEVER DID SANDWICH SPREAD BECOME AN ISSUE

shame on you sir, Shiphams are innocent in this matter and above bigotry caste or paste

(i like the tuna and dolphin best)
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 20 May 2009, 20:24, closed)

Shiphams?!?
blooooarrgggghhhhhhh, koff, koff, urrgh, bllorgh
( edz314 smelled the glove on, Wed 20 May 2009, 21:03, closed)

...
I find your lack of paste... disturbing.

I'm so sorry. I couldn't help myself.
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Wed 20 May 2009, 22:00, closed)

Damn you!
Made me giggle like a mong with a tamagotchi
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Thu 21 May 2009, 11:35, closed)

Have you ever considered
asking your dad what he did?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 21 May 2009, 0:43, closed)