Ivor

There are two guys called Ivor who drink down my local. One is known as "Ivor", the other is know as "Ivor the liar".

It’s impossible for this guy to get through a conversation without lying, often unsustainable porkies. Winners include telling everybody that his wife had cancer. Many of the people in the pub are friends with his wife and where as confused as she was to find out about his impromptu cancer diagnosis.

One of Ivor’s favourite subjects is his time in the army, particularly the time he spent on special ops in the jungles of Guatemala. Again some of the people in the pub, sitting at the same table as him, have known this guy since school and they’re pretty sure they’d have noticed if the overweight unfit Ivor had disappeared off to the armed forces.

Some people take great exception to Ivor’s bullshit, taking it as a personal insult, getting upset and generally taking pub banter a great deal too seriously…..I’m drifting….back to Ivor.

I think it’s great.

If someone was supposed to pick you up and drive to the footy and they don’t turn up, what do you want? "I was on my way to yours and this guy cut me up. We had a bit of a ruck and he pulled a knife. My army training cut in and before I knew what I was doing I’d killed him. I had to spend the day down the station clearing it up. It’s all been hushed up because of I’m still a reserve with the SAS."

Or

"Sorry I forgot to set my alarm"
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Fri 14 Jan 2011, 11:13, 3 replies)

This is exactly it.
The adage is that truth is stranger than fiction, but it's very rarely the case - stories are generally far more interesting.

People say lying is a bad thing, but at least its more fun.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 11:22, closed)

There's a down side if you live with the fucker.

He promised his wife a nice holiday for once. Promised he was putting money aside every week. The time came to book the holiday, they took a stroll into town and spent hours and hours choosing the perfect getaway for the family. The time comes to pay, Ivor reached to his back pocket. OH NO! THE ENVELOPE!!! THE ENVELOPE WITH THE MONEY HAS GONE! IT MUST HAVE FALLAN OUT OF MY POCKET.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Fri 14 Jan 2011, 11:27, closed)

Like I said - lying's more fun.
And to be fair she wouldn't have appreciated it anyway.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 12:03, closed)