Bob the Bullshitter
You read it right.
Not Bob the Builder … but Bob the bullshitter.

See waaaay back in the day I was studying to be a civil engineer. Straight out of school there was about 20 of us in the class, all wide-eyed, very innocent and quite intimidated by the lecturers. This was at the local polytechnic, so the lecturers weren’t academics, but people that had worked in the field and had had enough .. deciding to live a life of teaching. For the most part they were excellent tutors.

There was however one tutor call Bob, who we renamed to “Bullshit Bob”. He was the kind of guy who loved the sound of his own voice and he had an opinion on anything. Like most tutors who told us real life stories in the field of being a civil engineer, Bob would indulge us into his personal life, recalling far-fetched stories that we used to roll around laughing about. Amongst his bullshit was:

- The time he landed a Boeing 747. All he had to do was read the flight manual. Unfortunately it was in French, but luckily he could read French and he landed the plane safely, rescuing all passengers. We later asked him to say something in French, to which he said “non…now do your fluid mechanics questions!”

- The time his 6year son had an asthema attack. It was the middle of the night and apparently his sons heart stopped so he did CPR and got it started again. “So did you take your son to the hospital?” we asked. “His bloody heart started again, so what’s the point? We went bed, I needed my sleep” he replied incredulously.

- The time he referred to “clutch pencils” as being “lifesavers” and just like a captain in the army (or Ford Prefect) kept saying that “if you wanna make it as an engineer, you’ve really gotta know where your clutch pencil is”.

- The time his dog got run over by a lawnmover and managed to survive completely unscathed

- the time he sliced his finger off trying to rescue the aforementioned dog. “I just picked up the finger put it back on. Used a bit of duck-tape to hold it in place.” He had no scars. When questioned about this he replied “that’s because duck-tape has a special ingredient that makes it heal better than regular plasters. I should know, my brother invented the stuff”
(Markygee Surname: "Balls". First name: "Lick-mah", Wed 19 Jan 2011, 2:03, 4 replies)

I like the cut of Bob's jib

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 19 Jan 2011, 6:52, closed)

I hate civil engineers

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 19 Jan 2011, 9:35, closed)

There used to be a line in the Yellow Pages:

BORING - see Civil Engineers

Alas it's no longer there.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Wed 19 Jan 2011, 9:37, closed)

it was correct.
I should know, technically I am one. I try not to draw attention to it as I'm not a typical one.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 19 Jan 2011, 10:04, closed)