National Rail Enquiries...
A few years back, when my (now ex) girlfriend started going to university in Cheltenham, I took the train up (I live in deepest, darkest north Devon) to see her one day. On the way back, I knew that I had to change at Bristol, but had about three things which told me different times so wasn't sure what time that change was. Being Internet free at the time, we couldn't check online (plus that was the source of one of the times) so I thought who better to phone than National Rail Enquiries.

Whoops.

(When I tell this story, I attempt to do an Indian accent and fail. In text, one cannot really do accents, so you can chose between imagining a proper Indian accent or a Devonian attempting to do an Indian accent.)

'National Rail Enquires, where are you going from?'

'Er, yes, I'm travelling between Cheltenham and Tiverton. I'm due to leave at nine-seventeen, and I know I need to change at Bristol, but I'm not sure what time the change will be.'

'Where are you travelling from?'

I sigh. 'Cheltenham.'

'OK, there's no station in Cheltenham.'

Well, that was news to me. There was definitely one there when I got off the train this morning. He continued.

'Do you mean Cheltenham Spa?'

'Yes I do.' Pedantic bastard.

'OK, and where are you travelling to?'

'Tiverton.' You'd have thought I'd have learnt by now.

'There's no station in Tiverton.'

'OK, well it's actually called Tiverton Parkway.'

'Ah yes, Tiverton Parkway. What time are you leaving?'

'Around 9.15 this evening.'

'OK, there's a train leaving at 9.17, but it doesn't go straight through, you'll have to change at Bristol.'

No shit Sherlock...

I eventually managed to get the time of the change out of him which, strangely but not completely unexpectedly, wasn't one of the three times I already had.

I relayed this story to Sarah after I got off the phone who promptly turned round and said 'But there's no station in Bristol'...
(richietheg my dad buries dead people. he's an undertaker., Thu 3 Sep 2009, 20:49, Reply)