"and when she walks, each one she passes goes....uh, excuse me?..."
I used to work for a University doing, amongst other things, handling all of their advertising. It was my first proper job and it was soon clear that as a forthright (rude) northerner in darkest East Anglia, I was perfect to handle the patronising, downright rude and sometimes incredibly stupid cold-callers who used to think that universities would be gullible enough to part with public funds in order to promote their courses in glossy, useless magazines (think 'Basket-Weaving and Topiary Quarterly' and you'd be about right.)

So, it's Friday afternoon - that's the time they always call as they're on a deadline and will think you're in 'weekend stupid' mode. Conversations would regularly ensue thus:

Caller: 'Hello, can I speak to Nunnerfly please?'
Me: 'Speaking'
C: 'Hi Nunnerfly (using my first name without asking me, and when they don't know me. I hate that.) I'm calling from X magazine, and I know how hard it is to recruit students these days. That's why we've come up with this fantastic new mag-
me: 'Sorry, can I stop you there? this sounds really interesting, and I want to give you my full attention. Can I just put you on hold while I close the door?'
C: 'Sure'

Pause while Nunnerfly 'presses hold', puts her feet up on her desk and then begins to sing, down the phone, her chosen hold tune of the day.

My favourite was 'The Girl from Ipanema'; it has such a lightness to it that it's a pleasure to sing in a slightly wistful tone, and it's easy enough to sing without concentrating too much so that you can listen to the response of the caller as they're listening to you.

I'd carry on for a good couple of minutes (with repeats if necessary), then come back on the line with a 'sorry to keep you; now, where were we?'

Now, they can't reasonably ask me whether I've just sung my own hold music, as they're supposed to be impressing me, as well as reading from a script. There would then normally be some garbled reason as to why they couldn't stay on the line, and I would be left in peace.

Aaaaah, times...
(Nunnerfly, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 14:27, 2 replies)

Even worse than using your first name
Is using your birth certificate first name, when everybody who knows you knows you always go by the diminutive (e.g. Jonny instead of Jonathan, Mike instead of Michael etc.). Cock off!
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 15:26, closed)

Times
and indeed, mates.

I actually think a CD of you singing "The greatest Hits of Hold Music" would be a winnah!
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 12:53, closed)