Anti Spam
Where I work in an effort to stop spam postal mail to the business it was decided we needed a marketing manager to which we could direct spam mail, marketing post and other such gumph.

And so Hugh Janus joined the company. Of course Hugh isn't real, but he does provide a useful service by identifying mail that can go straight in the bin.

However, the most interesting part of this ruse is that Hugh has somehow managed to not only get on to mail lists, but also onto cold-calling databases. This stops the majority of cold callers in their tracks when they notice the stupid name, but occasionally we get the odd phone call.

"Hello can I speak to ...er ...Hugh Janus?"

You can hear the change of pitch in the voice when they say "Janus?" as they realise what they are saying.

"Huge Anus?" we reply.

"Er Yes?"

Our reply is usually "Of course I'll just get him for you!"

At which point the caller is put on hold and we all have a massive giggle while we work out who would like to pretend be Hugh today.

"Hello this is Hugh Janus speaking!"

We quite often lose them while they are on hold and they realise what is going on. However we have had at least 2 phone calls in the last 6 months where a full sales conversation has taken place, and the caller hasn't realised.

He is so successful we have given him his own desk plaque. What I would love to receive next is some promotional pens or similar with his name on.
(stubbledchin, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 17:04, 4 replies)

You need to fart down the phone at them

( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Fri 4 Sep 2009, 17:35, closed)

We have something similar
Mr Somers, first name Daryl. (Name changed, still the same meaning)

He is our go-to guy for sales. He even has a email address that we give out to people that want to give us services.

Apparently there has been, on more than one occasion, salesmen ringing up yelling that Somers hasn't returned their calls or email.

I'd love to get someone like that one day, and say Mr Summers is in hospital, and isn't expected back at work. Then I'll go all sad, and hopefully they'll fuck off.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daryl_Somers
( glasnt is playing herself off., Sat 5 Sep 2009, 2:35, closed)

In our place,
We have Henry West (named after our vacuum cleaner).

Amazingly, every time someone calls for him, he's just passed away last week. We never get called back.
( Lord Keeps meaning to procrastinate., Sat 5 Sep 2009, 14:56, closed)

Promotional pens, you say???
Where I work we once took a free sample from the folks at www.nationalpen.co.uk/ and every so often they send us all sorts of free stuff with our company name on despite us taking one measly pen about fifteen years ago.

I'd strongly suggest you call them and ask for a free sample. You could end up with a steady trickle of Hugh Janus pens, magnets, paper, etc...

And in fifty years the next occupants of your building could get a giggle from it :)
(ElectricMonk is falling awake on, Sun 6 Sep 2009, 13:19, closed)