Finally, something decent to post on my b3ta birthday
One day I was in what has been termed my "Thrush" mood - in that, while in said mood I'm an irritating c**t. For example:

"Good morning, you're through-"
"Why isn't my broadband working?!?"
"Good morning," I repeated more forcefully, "you're through to James at Sales, can I take your order please?"

The smarter ones of you may realise that I'm in the sales department, and don't generally deal with fixing things. This fella didn't.

"Why isn't my broadband working?!?"
"Solar flares."
"Well, you'd better- what?"
"Solar flares. Violent explosions of electromagnetic radiation from our nearest star, in this case the sun. It's been known to disrupt the flux capacitors at the exchange."
*ding* Dummy mode on.
"Oh...right..."
"It's been proven recently, under Tennant's theorum. It's why there's less bees around lately."
"Ah yes, I've noticed that!"

By this time those waiting for calls (almost everyone in earshot) had started to listen in and conceal giggles.

"Of course, it could just be due to dryness on your mains socket. Have you got something to moisten them with?"
"Er, like what?"
"Well, something protruding, that's generally usually damp?"
"Oh, I could use my tongue!"

It was at this point my colleague with a conscience slapped me round the back of my head and told me to behave.

"Yeah, that might work. I'll tell you what, why don't I get you through to broadband service, they might be able to help?"
"Oh yeah, I was going to go to them first, but I thought sales might be better."

I transferred him. Electrocution's too good for them.

Then there was this chap:

"I'm fed up with talking to those bloody Pakis in India!"

I wasn't allowed to call him an idiot on the phone. Despite my protestations that he was a complete berk, apparently it wouldn't be professional to point out the customer's shortcomings. My response of "but how else are they going to know?" was dismissed.
(jamesthegill opens new tabs with his scroll wheel, Sun 6 Sep 2009, 13:57, 5 replies)

You should have just said...
...I don't think I can actually help you with this sir, but let me pass you over to my manager Sanjeev, who's been listening into the call and thinks he might be able to help.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Sun 6 Sep 2009, 14:36, closed)

Solar flares
The response to solar flares reminds me a little of BOFH on theregister.co.uk
( notmyrealname, Sun 6 Sep 2009, 15:33, closed)

Correct.
That's exactly where I nicked it from :)
(jamesthegill opens new tabs with his scroll wheel, Sun 6 Sep 2009, 20:13, closed)

It's been proven recently, under Tennant's theorum.
Damn.. I wish I was under Tennant's 'theorum' ;)
( glasnt is playing herself off., Mon 7 Sep 2009, 9:17, closed)

Tennant?
OK, but I'm more of the Tom Baker generation myself.
(Neil_E_There didn't the Aussies used to be good at cricket?, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 16:00, closed)