Tonight, 5 minutes ago....
A fair approximation of the conversation I JUST had.

*RING RING*

Me: Hullo?
Phone: *Bzzzzz* Congratulations, you have been selected for some damn holiday or other at some damn place including Universal Studios. If you want to be sold to, press 9 now.
Me: *9*
Phone: You have the code 89090230, hold on and we'll put you through to some poor sap in a pressure cooker someplace.
Me: (sigh)
Poor sap in a pressure cooker: Hello Sir, you pressed 9 and your code is 89090230, is that correct?
Me: Yup, that's right lady.
PSIAPC: Well, spiel spiel, blah blah yackety-smack...
Me: Gonna have to stop you there, I can't visit America because of my heroic criminal record. You see, I have several convictions because of my youthful ardour of yesteryear. I was something of a pinko, and would attend any protest going as well as being a rather successful hunt saboteur. Consequently my actions preclude any visit to the U.S...
PSIAPC: Oh, I'm sorry sir.
Me: ...oh, and all them rapes I did.
PSIAPC: (pause) Oh. I am sorry, sir.
Me: Nah, just joshing about the rapes but I do have a lengthy record of various offences, you see. I stand by each conviction from my protest days, each is a testament to my honour.
PSIAPC:.... OK. Um...
Me: So could I be removed from your lists?
PSIAPC: I'll do my best. No, I will do it. Maybe I could visit you someday.
Me: And you'd be welcome. Good evening.
PSIAPC: Bye, sir.

I feel for the people in those jobs, I really do.
(Rhye, Tue 8 Sep 2009, 20:15, Reply)