Bomb the buggers
In the early 1990s I worked in a directory enquiry centre that was located in the northwest of England, in a town famed for its rail connections and heritage, even though we exclusively handled calls from London.

Aside from dealing with the lowlife scum that exclusively populate the capital, the job was OK, and made even more amusing when some tit tried to make a bomb threat to our building.

Remember, this was before the public was familiar with their calls being answered in faraway places, so the numbnuts who made the threats were invariably convinced that you were in their local exchange and got most miffed when you pointed out that you were 150 fucking miles away from whatever piss-fragranced phone box they were in. Nonetheless, we too had a bomb threat form to fill in and report, but our procedure was to not evacuate the building because you could be walking towards the bomb - never mind that the fucking building could fall down around our ears.

Our other entertainments came from the sheer stupidity of some of the callers and their requests.

Some of my colleagues in other sites collected their favourite enquiries and sent them out in newsletters. Among the ones I remember are:

Punter: “Argoed Fish Bar, Cardiff, please.”
Operator: “I have nothing for the Argoed Fish Bar, could it be under another name?”
Punter: “Well it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar until the B fell off the sign.”

Punter: “I’m flying to Germany, could I have the flight enquiry number for Luftwaffe please?"
Operator: “I think you might mean Lufthansa?”
Punter: (click)

Punter: "I want a number for (company name) in Woven, please."
Operator: "I don't have any record of a place called Woven, where is it near?"
Punter: "All I know is it's in Scotland. The label on my sweater says 'Woven in Scotland'"
( Snappyuk gets BIGGER with free sample., Wed 9 Sep 2009, 11:13, 2 replies)

Nice.
Is it Carnforth?
(The Incredible Sulk Finally remembered his password on, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 13:15, closed)

I reckon Crewe

( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 13:35, closed)