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This is a question Call Centres

Dreadful pits of hellish torture for both customer and the people who work there. Press 1 to leave an amusing story, press 2 for us to send you a lunchbox full of turds.

(, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 12:20)
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Not me but well worth mentioning
The subject of Cold Callers was brought up on another site I frequent (The one I usually link in my sig). The bloke who owns the site (Hi Wilson) came up with an idea of creating a points based system to amuse yourself during the calls. Heres an edited version of the original:

Below are listed a number of challenges for you to have a go at next time you get one of these calls. One word of advice though- make sure it’s a call you don’t want before you follow any of these suggestions. You wouldn’t believe the amount of trouble you’d get into for telling your girlfriends bank she’s dead…

Answer the first two questions normally. Then loudly sing a national anthem. It doesn’t have to be your own, and it’s even better if it’s in another language (the French version of “Oh! Canada” is quite effective).
(1 point for every verse you manage before they hang up.)

Answer the first question correctly, then make an animal noise when they ask you a second. Do this every alternate question until they give up. If they ask why you are making the noise, claim you don’t understand what they’re on about.
(1 point per animal)

If they’re foreign, answer the questions use the most complicated words with the most syllables you can think of. Alternately, insert random words into the answers. Dinosaur names are good here as there’s very little chance their English course will have covered them.
(1 point per question answered nonsensically)

Following the classic Two Ronnies Mastermind sketch, answer the question before the one they last asked.
(1 point per question before they give up)

Ask them if McDonalds wasn’t hiring when they went job hunting.
(2 points)

Ask them to hang on. Then tell them the number they want is 0845 6060 234.
(1 point)
Explaining when they ask that it’s the number for Job Centre direct.
(Bonus 1 point)
Saying you just thought they might want a job that doesn’t involve pissing people off in their own homes.
(Bonus 2 points)
(Extra 10 points if you make them swear, as they’re probably being recorded and will no doubt be sacked.)

If it’s someone trying to get you to allow them to send a sales rep round to your house (hello Kitchens Direct!), say you’ll agree if the caller can beat you at a game of I Spy.
(3 points. Bonus point for every time they actually guess)

If it’s some charity, and they ask if they can take a few minutes to talk to you about their cause, let them. Then ask them if you can take a few minutes to talk to them about our lord Jesus.
(1 point for every minute you can keep it up. 4 bonus points if you can convince them to make a donation to your church)

Tell them you’ll only answer the questions if they’ll tell you who they think would win in a knife fight between Portland Bill and Fireman Sam. If they answer, demand to know their reasoning.
(2 points. 4 if they give reasons)

If it’s a woman, answer the questions while lightly slapping any piece of exposed skin and grunting occasionally.
(1 point for every minute until she hangs up)

If they ask for you by name, tell them that person is dead. Pretend you don’t know it’s a sales call, then become angry when you “realise”. Accuse them of being disrespectful.
(4 points if you get a full apology. Bonus points for calling them “Jackals”)

If they ask if you’re the homeowner say no. If they ask if they’re available, explain they’re a bit tied up- literally. Explain you’re a burglar and ask if they could please hang up so you can nick the phone.
(3 points)

If they’re trying to get you to switch one of your utility bills, and ask how much you pay for it. Ask them to guess. Tell them it’s a number between 1 and 100.
(1 point for every guess)

If it’s double glazing, and they’re trying to quote you over the phone, go through the whole malarkey, then ask if they really think you’ll need this many windows for a caravan.
(3 points)
Ask their favourite colour. If they tell you, sound disappointed. Then carry on, but about 2 minutes later ask again. Then tell them sorry, but you can’t go on.
(1 point)

Knock on the table, tell them it’s someone at the door and ask tem to hang on. Walk a slight distance away then say ‘Oh it’s you. What do you want?’ Then scream loudly, but don’t hang up.
(2 points. bonus 4 if they call the police)
(, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 12:46, 4 replies)
its posts like this that almost make me want to receive some cold calls when I get home tonight! although I doubt I would actually have the balls to go through with any of it :(
(, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 13:18, closed)
I thought that too
Until I had one bloke from a distant country ring me every night a few months back and decided to do add dinosaurs into the conversation.

After posting this I too can't wait for more cold callers
(, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 13:24, closed)
Hands Up.
I'm sure we've all been waiting for those calls to add some stories to this QOTW. I know I have.

What's the betting that they start calling Thursday evening after the QOTW is closed? However I will be doing some if not all the above.

As such have a clicky.
(, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 15:06, closed)
I really hope
that it's not too late for this to make front page. Click, people, click!
(, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 16:40, closed)

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