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"Here in my car", said 80s pop hero Gary Numan, "I feel safest of all". He obviously never shared the same stretch of road as me, then. Automotive tales of mirth and woe, please.

(, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 12:34)
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Dangerous even when not moving
A few years back, my dad had a Mercedes. I can't remember the exact class of it, but it was a fairly big fucker, with heavy-duty doors that would take every opportunity to slam shut on your leg/any other extremities haphazardly left in the way. I want to say it was a C class but I'm not sure exactly what class it is, so you'll just have to grin and bear with me.

I was just in my teens, about 12 or 13, and me and my dad had been out shopping in Swindon (boo, hiss), and were returning from a successful shopping trip. We had parked in a multi-storey carpark, one that had the most ridiculously small parking spaces and pillars all over the place. I'm fairly sure that this place was designed just to piss drivers off, although it could also have been to do with the fact that it was fucking Swindon and the general sense of self-loathing permeated even the carpark architecture.

We start to load the shopping in, and my dad notices that someone is trying to reverse out of the parking spot opposite us. Now, the boot (or trunk, if you're Merkin) of the Merc was facing the rear end of this guys car, and my dad leaves me to finish loading the shopping up whilst he monitors the situation with the other car, one hand on the boot lid. He looks down every few seconds to see the state of the shopping, and seeing that I've finished, he goes to slam the boot shut, because it's a big heavy bastard, simultaneously looking back at the reversing car.

Unfortunately for me, I've decided that now is the best time to get my bottle of coke and packet of chewing gum out of the boot. So I stick my head and arm in, grab the supplies, and pull my arm out. My head isn't quick enough to follow, and what feels like half a ton of metal comes crashing down on my skull.

Yes, my old man had just tried to off me by accident by slamming the boot down on my head.

I was ever so slightly stunned, what with a heavy car boot lid bouncing off my head, and my dad, still engrossed in watching the other driver, is ever so slightly perturbed by the fact that the boot hasn't closed properly. He wasn't too fussed about it, because as has been noted before, it was a heavy fucker and often needed two slammings to shut it properly.

So he slams it down again.

On my head.


I decide to take the vaguely sensible option of staggering backwards, yowling like a lovestruck cat with its goolies caught in a vice, and actually crying from having a fuckton of metal slammed on my head not once, but twice. My dad has now realized what's happened, and starts apologizing profusely amidst laughing. Christ only knows how I avoided damage other than light bruising and a headache.

Best part about this though?

I actually left a dent in the boot, from where it had been slammed on my head twice. My head is officially harder than a Mercedes.

Apologies for length, it was pretty damn quick.
(, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 13:44, 2 replies)
Apologies for length, it was pretty damn quick
[/Finbarr Saunders]
(, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 14:06, closed)
Headache indicates concussion
you would have got mild brain damage from that, and probably should have had medical attention (just in case it was serious). Not to worry, happens to us all.
(, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 2:14, closed)

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