I really shouldn't be telling this story, and I know I'll get a lot of hate, but...
When I was 19, I was on top of the world. A job, a car, and copious amounts of beer, mostly in the form of the 40 ounce malt liquor. I don't know if you brits have the pleasure of this incredible beverage, but it is 40 ounces of high strength lager, usually sold at corner stores in the ghetto for about $2-$3

It was late one night after a few of these at a party that my friends and I decided to call it a night, and as I was the one with a car, I was the one responsible for driving everybody home. I was driving way too fast, but the roads were empty, except for a lone police car that just happened to be driving the opposite direction. As we passed, the police turned their lights on, and that's when I knew we were fucked.

Well...not really. You know when you watch a police chase on TV and you say to yourself, "why would anybody do that? Why don't they just pull over and take the speeding ticket?" Well at that instant I permanently lost my right to ever ask that question again.

"I've got a GTI, I can lose them." Is what I was thinking at the time. This, however, was not correct. A few blocks later, my car is wrapped around a fire hydrant, both the airbags deployed and my friends and I in a daze. We are snapped out of our stupor by the police on their loudspeaker saying: "GET OUT OF THE CAR!" I wanted to. I really did, but unfortunately there was a stop sign wedged against my door, so getting out that way was not exactly an option. I rolled down the window, and attempted to climb out like that. Unfortunately I was so drunk, I fell on my face instead of performing the graceful dismount I had envisioned. I get up, and I am face to face with a short, fat sassy black cop.

"Now I know you ain't gonna tell me you wasn't drinking, cause I could smell you before you got out your car."

At this point, I was fucked, I figured. So I was honest with her. "Yes maam, I was drinking."

"Well that's what you get, isn't it" The cop said, pointing to my smoking wreck of a car. "I was just going to tell you to slow down, but you're stupid. Your daddy is gonna kill you when he finds out what you did to his car."

Now did I mention that I was being honest? Because it might have been the booze, but I was a little too honest at this point.

"No officer, that's MY car. ( I was very proud of myself) I bought it all myself."

"Well your daddy's still gonna kill you."

She had a point. She then went to my friends, and asked them if they were OK. They were, and she then asked them if they had a way to get home. We were all within walking distance of our houses, and thy told her so. She said: "well then get your butts back home." After that, she went up to me and said:

"Now I'm gonna tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna call you a tow truck, and it's gonna be a policeman, and if he asks you if you've been drinking, you say NO."

At this point, I am in total and utter disbelief. I just crashed my car while running from the police, while drunk, and here is a police officer telling me to lie to the police. I know better than to look a gift horse in the mouth, so I did exactly what she said. The tow truck came, it was a policeman, he asked me if I had been drinking, and I said no. He towed my car to the impound, and the original cop gave me a ride home.

I know for certain that this incident will never and could never be topped as the most incredibly stupid and lucky thing that I have ever done in my life. I can't imagine I'll get any more second chances like this. So with that being said, hate away on me for being a douchebag drunk driver.


EDIT: I forgot to mention that I didn't get away totally scot free. I did get a $25 speeding ticket.
(raulduke, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 22:39, 5 replies)

Malt liqour...
We have one here in the UK called Breaker. When it was introduced here, many years ago, it was called Malt Liquor (There was also Colt 45, which I haven't seen for ages but used to have a really shit advertising campaign) but now it's called high strength lager. It's bloody lovely, I always have some in the house, it tastes nothing like lager, it has a beautiful flavour to it and it costs about £1 for just over a pint (500ml cans). Highly recommended.
( His Popiness the Hole Invaded Poland on, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 22:51, closed)

lucky?
you were beyond lucky there
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 22:53, closed)

I guess the cop thought you had served your own punishment.
... or she was at the end of her shift :)
(Miggyman, Sat 24 Apr 2010, 9:40, closed)

Yeah, beyond lucky for sure. Also, I live in Washington DC, for a long time the murder capital of the US, so cops there have better things to worry about than some drunk teenager.
(raulduke, Sat 24 Apr 2010, 15:24, closed)

drink driving
It's a cultural difference. Years of campaigning by the government has made it anti-social in the UK (rightly so, IMO). There's no stigma attached to being the 'named driver' and nobody is likely to try to get you to drink. There is still drink driving in the UK, but at a much lower level than the US.
Over here I am constantly shocked by the amount of drink driving that goes on. Its getting better, but there still isn't the anti-social stigma attached to it that there is in the UK. Not just drink either: drug use is more common here and plenty think nothing of driving with a body full of illegal stuff.
You were very lucky finding that cop too. She must be the most lenient one in the States as most of the ones I have encountered have been arseholes, especially the one that doctored a speeding tocket after he issued it to show a lower limit than actually existed. Fortunately the judge spotted it and threw it out.
(ianisme, Sat 24 Apr 2010, 15:03, closed)