Why I hate driving......
I fucking hate driving.

I hate it in the same way I hate Liver & Onions, or Piers Morgen. That’s how bad, It’s fighting for a champions league place in the premiere league of hatred. I put off having to take a driving test till I was 22, and only at this point did I take one at the risk of losing my job. By the time I’d passed at the third attempt I’d had circa 70 lessons. At this point the economy was booming and driving instructors were swanning around milking £20 an hour whilst loosely dangling there Breitling watches out of car windows. Not like the million lessons for forty quid you get now in the midst of recession. No, no, no at this point it was about 20 quid a lesson, and in total about 80 quid for a test. So add these lessons together, along with practical and theory tests, and your looking at the best part of 1700 quid to obtain a license.

Now, being young, naive and stupid, I thought at this point I thought I had taken the financial brunt of driving. I was wrong.

The first car advice I got was from my dad, which was, ‘as long as you’ve got a car son, you will never have any money’

He was fucking right.

I keep a little black book. Now, don’t get excited, I’m nowhere near rock n’ roll enough to own a little black book of all the women I’ve slept with over the course of a life time. That would read more like those 2 page conservative election leaflets you get thru’ the door. And we all know how shit and void of substance they are. No, shamefully, the little black book details all the outgoings on cars I’ve made in the last 4 years. I can tell you now, it’s fucking scary.

Here’s how it reads....roughly.

Cars - £19600
Petrol £8640
Insurance - £4450
Services - £1120
Shit that went wrong - £624

Now add this to the amount of money it took to pass, and in 4 and a half years I’ve spent £36134 on something I fucking well despise having to do...........DRIVE.

For that I could have got me.....

- 13’897 pints of lager, or...
903 grams of cocaine (not that I would, but I could have bought a friend 903 grams of cocaine, it’s more the point), or.....
14’453 packs of cigarettes (10 box of course), or....
1’032 hookers in Amsterdam, or.....
80 Apple iPhones, or.....
103 32” LCD TV’s,.....
90 West Bromwich Albion Season Tickets, or.....
65’698 Dairy milks, or.....

anything else that may have made my life a little better.
(Sir_Digby_Chicken_Caeser [email protected], Sat 24 Apr 2010, 12:56, 3 replies)

I learnt
to walk at a young age, and am proud to retain that skill to this day and use it as much as possible
(MattCD, Sat 24 Apr 2010, 13:34, closed)

I agree
With this man, and also make fair usage of the bus.
(Draco Rattus ate all the pies on, Sat 24 Apr 2010, 22:11, closed)

I would rather spend time pointlessly driving around
...than watching them stripey Tesco tossers.

UP THE WOLVES!
(Billy The Fish wants to gargle with Lucy Pinder's bath water, Sun 25 Apr 2010, 9:21, closed)