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"Here in my car", said 80s pop hero Gary Numan, "I feel safest of all". He obviously never shared the same stretch of road as me, then. Automotive tales of mirth and woe, please.

(, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 12:34)
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HGV numpties.
Working as a lorry driver for a few years, i've seen some really, really daft shit happen to drivers, accidental or otherwise.

Idiots leaving their kettle on inside their cab then going for something to eat and coming back to a wagon on fire.

Guys pissing someone off at a lorry park and driving away in the morning only to discover that their 5th-wheel pin has been pulled whilst they were sleeping, and their fully-laden trailer is now sitting on the car-park tarmac.

HIAB operators taking shortcuts by not extending their outriggers properly and tipping the lorry over (then needing another HIAB to get them upright again).

Guys taking 'women of the night' into their cab for some lovin', only to wake up with all of their shit gone (including their trousers) and chasing said lady across the lorry park in nothing but y-fronts.

Some of the accidents involving lorries are pretty fucking hairy though. One of the drivers I worked with went through a period of trashing every wagon he touched. The worst one was when he tipped his cab (driving too fast round a slip road with adverse camber) and blocked both lanes. We all heard it on Radio 2 and it was causing some serious tailbacks, but it turns out that the cunt was lucky to survive. He ended up in the hospital with some major head injuries. He wore his seat-belt all the time after that one.
(, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 14:03, 6 replies)
I used to do the A14
from the M6 down to Brampton Hut Roundabout on a daily commute. The amount of accidents around Corby really wasn't that funny, especially when you saw the remains being scraped up. At least one every quarter.
(, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 14:16, closed)

Hence: "Some of the accidents involving lorries are pretty fucking hairy though."
(, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 15:09, closed)
I find HGV dirvers a pretty mixed bag
Some seem to be great, courteous and give you a feeling that you're appreciated when you flash them out/in or hold back at junctions.

Then there are the others that tailgate you in heavy traffic at ~60mph, with no chance of stopping.

Like taxi drivers, I can't see why some behave so badly on the road, when it's their job that's on the line.
(, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 14:16, closed)
Used to work at a kids' home
where the majority of the guests were out-of-control teenagers.

It was on a main road just outside town, and just off the nearby roundabout was a layby, where truckers used to stop to pick up girls from the home.

The girls were selling sex. Some would cadge a lift and be taken halfway across the country, while others would do their thing in the cab and come back with a fiver and/or a packet of fags.

Sometimes the girl would return with nothing except perhaps a spot of fatherly advice, but usually business was done.

The men must have known that the girls were under 18 and that many weren't even yet 16, but word had got round and there were trucks parked there most evenings.

Truckers - knights of the road? Dirty bastards, more like.
(, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 14:57, closed)
When I drove a cab
We had a regular lady customer who liked a drink or twenty. There was a lorry park bang in the centre of town (Bedford St Johns if you know it) and the overnighting truckers would go for a pie and pint at the nearest pub and come out in the company of said lady.

She regularly called for a cab home from the entrance to the lorry park at 2 or 3 in the morning. One night I was sent to pick her up, but as she got in my car she swore and announced she'd left her handbag in a lorry. She got out and walked over to one of the half-dozen trucks, knocked on the side of the cab then opened the door, climbed up and closed it.

A full ten minutes later the cab door opened, she climbed down, mouthed at me "wrong lorry", and approached the next truck in line to retrieve her handbag.
(, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 17:15, closed)
that and
all the prostitutes you murder.
(, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 23:15, closed)

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