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This is a question While the cat's away

This weeks question from social hand grenade who asks, "What have you done when your other half has gone off somewhere for the weekend?"

(, Mon 30 Nov 2015, 14:10)

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Aryan master race
My wife had moved out temporarily as a preliminary to the divorce and I was at a loose end for a while. Having long been a fan of eugenics, I decided to make good use of the break to create a genetically superior master race from the comfort of my own living room/kitchenette.

The first step was to put an ad on Gumtree: "Wanted: physiologically perfect human specimens wanted for Nazi-style Aryan Master Race breeding experiment. Applicants must be of startling physical attractiveness and willing to mate on demand. No ethnics, please."

Thanks to the subsequent media furore and pending prosecution for racism, I managed to gather a lot of applications. And so it was that on the following Saturday morning, my living room/kitchenette was populated by a cast of near-perfect breeding pairs standing naked and ready. I had to turn the thermostat up to 27, but the results would be worth it. My breeders were:

Judy Suckitt (not her real name): a part-time pornographic actress and kindergarten assistant
Clint Fuhrer: a barista.
Arabella Pootington-Snethers: daughter of the fourth Earl of Rutland (fourteenth cousin of Eva Braun)
Derek Marbles: a semi-professional librarian with a cock like a fire hose

The instructions were quite clear. I would play some stirring music (Wagner, Mumford & Sons, Coldplay etc) and they would shag until they passed out, sustained by regular vitamin shots and high-energy sports drinks. After nine months, they would deliver their perfect progeny to me as the first steps in my master race. The number of infants would initially be limited, but I find it pays to make a start. Nothing great was ever achieved quickly - just look at the career of Cheryl Cole-Verisimilitude-Verbieres-Ronaldo.

Well, it didn't go as well as I'd hoped. Turns our that Clint was of the bender persuasion and was interested only in suckling at Derek's swollen tip. Arabella insisted on hearing nothing but Mumford during her reverse cowboy and briefly refused to perform. Ms Suckitt, having ignored her GCSE Biology lessons appeared to be under the impression that babies are made by anal, and a good quantity of viable semen was expended in her rectum. It proved quite unusable, even when recovered with the Dyson.

Given more time and better breeders, I feel sure I could have started my own master race, but a long-standing prosecution for public defecation interrupted my plans and I was obliged to continue my plans on paper only.
(, Wed 2 Dec 2015, 16:15, 7 replies)

what the fuck
(, Wed 2 Dec 2015, 16:41, closed)
what was your username before this one?

(, Wed 2 Dec 2015, 16:46, closed)
he's a bit frank snow, a bit frankspencer

(, Wed 2 Dec 2015, 19:18, closed)
Skagra's apprentice methinks

(, Wed 2 Dec 2015, 23:20, closed)
Master race?
Wakki races, more like.
(, Wed 2 Dec 2015, 19:38, closed)

Tissue Paper?
(, Fri 4 Dec 2015, 12:52, closed)

This is very good
(, Sat 5 Dec 2015, 23:34, closed)

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