Not caught, but too close by far
Back in the days before Youporn, I discovered, by genuine accident I might add, that various porns could be found via Limewire. So, I set a few downloads going. After a few minutes, the first couple finished and I watched them. Being home alone, I enjoyed my me-time after which I then thought "Urgh porn, it's disgusting" and so I deleted the lot.

I then got on with other stuff. I cut the grass, fixed the toilet cistern and other manly household things.

That evening I arranged to go out to my mate's house. I drove maybe 2 miles before it hit me.
"Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck! Did I cancel the downloads?" I span the car round in a way Bo and Luke would be proud of and raced home. To compound matters, I had left the computer switched on. If my missus decides she wanted to download an mp3 or something, she will see if indeed I had neglected to cancel the downloads. I felt the pit of my stomach sink into my feet at the thought of the consequences.

I got in and casually ran into the living room where the PC was set up. Luckily, Mrs Sandettie was in the bath. I opened up Limewire to find that my downloads folder now contained a few quality vids of pretty ladies scissoring and spectacular bukkake displays one of which was aptly filed as "cock mess monster.mpg". I deleted them with Window Washer (just to be safe). The 187mb video of "Lena rides the Sybian" still had a couple of mins left. I'd watched a shorter excerpt of that one that afternoon and I was reluctant to let it go, so once it had finished I stuck it in an innocuously named .rar file and buried it in the Windows file system.

I then wiped the download folder and the Incomplete folder just to be certain. Then I uninstalled Limewire itself, such was the precautions I had been shocked into.

Five mins later, Mrs Sandettie comes downstairs.
"I thought you were off out?" she asked
"Nah, I felt a bit icky, I think it was that pie we had for tea so I came home"
"Are you uninstalling Limewire? I was going to download a song I'd heard on the radio earlier."
I made an involuntary squeaking noise. "Err, yeah I was about to download a song but it kept crashing so I'm going to try reinstalling it."
"Ah ok." she said and sat down to read a magazine. "Oh, by the way, what's a Sybian?"

My heart stopped.

"Err, why?" I said trying to keep my voice calm.
"It was in the search history when I started typing in Google earlier"
"Oh, it's a sex-toy but really expensive" I explained, trying to make light of it.
"You weren't going to get one was you?"
"I would but they're about $2000. If we win the lottery I'll get you one"

She lost interest after that and began reading her magazine again. I searched the hard drive for any more 'incomplete' folders but all traces of Limewire were now gone.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 3 Jun 2010, 17:40, 5 replies)

You obviously have...
...a good poker face to get away with that one.
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Thu 3 Jun 2010, 17:52, closed)

That night
she actually let me poke 'er face. Had I known in advance I wouldn't have bothered knocking myself about that afternoon.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 3 Jun 2010, 17:58, closed)

Hang on, cognitive dissonance kicked in.
She's okay with sex toys and blowjobs but for the love of Yahweh don't let her know you're watching porn?
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 3 Jun 2010, 19:47, closed)

For the unmarried men on here:
The wifely rules are simple.

Rule 1: Every hole, as long as it's mine.

Rule 2: Anything you want to put in the hole, as long as it's fun.

Rule 3: You put anything of yours, attached to you or not, anywhere else, and I WILL CUT YOUR COCK OFF.
(all my scars face forward possesses 2.5% of a hyperalloy combat chassis, Thu 3 Jun 2010, 21:56, closed)

The way you phrased it there...
...it sounds like Rule 3 would exclude such activities as putting a DVD in the player to watch it, or tapping your mate a fag. Your wife sounds a bit harsh if she won't let you put anything of yours anywhere. :P
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 9:48, closed)