this is bad.. i shouldnt be allowed near children it would seem..
just remebered a couple of other awful memories.. one being when i was a little gothic 16 year old biatch sat round my nans house for a good old catholic family christmas dinner- one where the children sat quietly and ate, and the adults talked ever so politely to each other about shit..

halfway through the dinner, i decided to do that annoying thing of tapping my little cousin (who was about 7 years old, and sat a couple of chairs away) on the shoulder and then pretending it wasnt me when he looked round..

I did this a few times, being the lovely cousin that i am, until he chooses a particularily silent part of the meal to drop his fork and bluntly announce ''NETTE TOUCHED ME''

''WHAT JAMES??!'' my nan says abit too suggestively suddenly for my liking.. ''NETTE TOUCHED ME, SHE KEEPS TOUCHING ME''. yeah as you can imagine i had to seriously break down the chain of events to explain this sudden declaration of sexual abuse. It was awful. i think my family still hate me.

Another fine day, i was left to babysit my boyfriend of the time two little cousins - they were about 9 and 12 years old, AND HONESTLY THE MOST PIKEY LITTLE SHITS you could ever imagine.

I had them locked in the house for about 10 hours and they did every annoying thing you could possibly imagine- messing the lounge,purposely spiling drinks, actually gettin my vibrator out of a draw whilst bombarding through all the rooms, seriously being awful -really testing my patience.

I got so hacked off with the younger one in particular that i made him sit in the kitchen for an hour in silence. after an hour-ish i went back in and gently explained that if he doesnt behave himself i will cook him in the oven like a pig, and that im an evil witch who often dines on naughty children.. anyways, hes crawling around the floor and he grabs my leg in a fake 'begging me not to cook him' manner saying ''dont put me in the oven!!'' giggling like a little pikey ADHD shit..

just as his parents walk in he decides that a more appropriate way of putting this is ''NETTES GOING TO SPIT ROAST ME, MUUUUUM, NETTE SAID SHE WANTS TO SPIT ROAST ME''

''humm yeah.. thats not exactly what i said was it.. tell your mum what i said...I said i was going to put him in the oven not fucking rape him''

ARGHGHGHGG
(nettestar meeow, Sun 6 Jun 2010, 22:08, 2 replies)

you kiddy fiddler you
Made me laugh too loudly.
(CactusZack Shaved his coin purse on, Sun 6 Jun 2010, 22:17, closed)

Has your life story been written by the Gods of slapstick comedy?

( jim_bob can herd cats., Sun 6 Jun 2010, 22:19, closed)