I turned 30 on my honeymoon with my wife in Lillehammer in Norway
Why it had to be lillehammer is complex and doesn't really add to the story, so I'll leave it tantalizingly unresolved. But we found ourselves as the only guests in a huge hotel with all the charm of a currys distribution warehouse. My wife asked me what I wanted to do and I said I wanted to go skiing, even though we were tired from travelling. It was snowing heavily when we went to hitch to the local ski hill, about half and hour away. We got a ride with a guy and kind of fell asleep in the back. I think maybe an hour had gone past when I questioned the guy how long to go. He said three more hours. It turns out he was going to a different ski hill somewhere in the north. Fuck it, we thought, lets go there. After skiing we started asking every car in the carpark as they were leaving if they were going to lillehammer. The second last car was, two snowboarders, and they had beer and pot in their little hatchback. I said in my stoned babble that I'd like to see the olympic ski jump, so instead of taking us to the hotel they dropped us on the plateau above the town near the top of the jump. the night was clear, the stars were blazing, and everything was covered in a blanket of snow. We shared the rest of the joint with our arms around each other for warmth, and looked down on the matchbox town below. Turning thirty and only four days married didn't seem so bad. Then I went to a bin and ripped out the heavy duty garbage bag.
We sat on it together bobsleigh style, and rode on our arses at speed down a trail that snaked down next to the jump, spraying a fountain of snow as I attempted to manage our velocity with my feet. (I wasn't going down that jump, you can fuck right off. Have you ever stood at the top of one and looked down?)
It took us right into town (which wasn't big) and we pulled up next to the one bar that was still open. Before we staggered to sleep I raided the hotels basement kitchen and found a whole smoked salmon in the fridge. Anyway, I've had worse birthdays.
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 11:57, 9 replies)

Clicked for unexpected salmon theft.

(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 12:33, closed)

beautiful
clicked accordingly
( rofl harris, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 12:40, closed)

Stay about from my bin bags!
Excellent honeymoon japery, though.
( .Yeti., Mon 29 Sep 2014, 12:49, closed)

sounds ace and includes smoked salmon

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 13:11, closed)

there is something about Norway
Ilt
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 13:46, closed)

Clicked for not being trolled in the land of trolls.

(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 13:59, closed)

It had to be Lillehammer because your wife is a Norwegian Black Metal Satanic Terrorist.
AICMFP.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 29 Sep 2014, 15:45, closed)

Nah, you go up to Finnmark for that.
Or Svalbard, where you can sacrifice shit to the ravenous polar bears.
(a humble reindeer herder serial milk-drinker, compulsive liar., Mon 29 Sep 2014, 17:02, closed)

did I not mention the stave churches we burned?

( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 9:10, closed)